Episode 9

Imposter Syndrome: The Story You Tell Yourself ft. Mark England

This podcast episode dives deep into the concept of mindset, specifically how the stories we tell ourselves shape our perceptions and realities. Todd and Mark explore the idea of "telephobia," which is the fear of not being good enough, and how it manifests in various aspects of life, from personal development to coaching. They emphasize the importance of writing down our stories to externalize and reorganize our thoughts, allowing for a clearer understanding and the possibility of transformation. By slowing down our speech and incorporating breath into our storytelling, we can shift from being participants in our narratives to observers, gaining new perspectives on our challenges. The conversation is rich with insights on how to celebrate wins, recognize victim mentality, and ultimately empower ourselves to create a healthier, more constructive inner dialogue.

Mark England has a degree in International Education and was formerly an elementary school PE teacher at an International School. He did this while chasing his dreams of becoming a pro fighter in Thailand, where he moved to study Muy Thai. After facing a serious knee injury and multiple surgeries Mark developed a serious victim mentality that he wasn't sure he would ever shake.

After attending an Emotional Detox seminar, he was introduced to the principles of getting your story out on paper, slowing it down, changing your words, freeing up your breath, and overcoming the limiting beliefs to begin telling a more empowering story.

Since, he has studied with some of the major behavior change theories and theorists to develop his program at Enlifted where he is the co-founder and head coach certifying over 350 coaches who have delivered over 10,000 coaching sessions with this method. We talk about how this is done

Takeaways:

  • Todd emphasizes the importance of the stories we tell ourselves, stating that mindset is simply the narrative we construct.
  • Mark discusses how to shift from a victim mentality to a growth-oriented mindset through celebrating wins and recognizing progress.
  • The discussion highlights the significance of breath work in coaching and personal development, particularly in unlocking emotions.
  • Todd shares personal experiences of overcoming telephobia, the fear of not being good enough, through active storytelling.
  • Mark and Todd agree that writing down one’s story can help create space for clarity and awareness of one’s narrative.
  • The episode underscores the need for individuals to recognize and challenge their limiting beliefs to foster personal growth.

Companies mentioned in this episode:

  • Enlifted Coaching
  • Barbell Shrugged
  • CrossFit
  • Procabulary
  • TED
Transcript
Todd:

It's called a telephobia, folks.

Todd:

Pick up your pen and write that down.

Todd:

A telephobia.

Todd:

It's the fear of not being good enough.

Todd:

They got a problem, and you start scratching that problem, that stuck ness, and you got victim centric stories.

Todd:

Sitting ducks.

Todd:

Sitting fucking ducks to the trash talk.

Todd:

In their own mind, the enlisted definition of mindset is the story that you tell yourself.

Todd:

I've been doing this one thing for 17 years full time, which is researching, studying, coaching, presenting, and now teaching about the power of our words and stories.

Todd:

As tough to talk about this stuff.

Todd:

And it's not a joke.

Todd:

It's.

Todd:

It's.

Todd:

This is one of the most important conversations that you can have, in my personal and professional opinion, as in, what are you telling yourself?

Todd:

What story are you telling yourself?

Todd:

And then.

Todd:

And then how do you make improvements?

Mark Englund:

Welcome to the evolving potential podcast, episode number nine.

Mark Englund:

Today I have the pleasure of speaking with Mark Englund.

Mark Englund:

Mark has a degree in international education and is formerly a elementary school PE teacher.

Mark Englund:

He was also formerly a fighter, had dreams of going pro, even moved to Thailand to study Muay Thai before facing a serious knee injury and multiple surgeries.

Mark Englund:

Since then, Mark has shifted into personal development, done a TED talk, and become an international coach, speaker and trainer.

Mark Englund:

He has co founded Enlifted Coaching, where he is the head coach and has certified more than 350 coaches.

Mark Englund:

His methods have been used in over 10,000 coaching sessions.

Mark Englund:

His work centers around our words, our story, and our breath, and he geeks out over language.

Mark Englund:

Mark's work has helped people overcome victim mentality, imposter syndrome, fear, trauma, indecision and more.

Mark Englund:

Welcome, Mark.

Todd:

Thank you, Todd.

Todd:

Thanks for.

Todd:

Thanks for listening, everybody.

Mark Englund:

Thank you for being here.

Mark Englund:

So, first of all, a lot of people will start with how you got into this, and obviously, I'm very curious about that, but I kind of want to shift gears first and talk about what you're doing now and what the overall mission for coaching is heading into the future.

Todd:

Those are good questions.

Todd:

I have a couple of goals.

Todd:

One of them is, and this.

Todd:

This answers your, what are we doing now?

Todd:

So, a lot of.

Todd:

A lot of what we're doing now is.

Todd:

Has been us making moves off of our gut instincts and following the breadcrumbs at the same time.

Todd:

So the certifications, which is the primary everything for their business, they turned five years old in May, and we accidentally launched them.

Todd:

They launched themselves, really.

Todd:

So I've been doing this one thing for 17 years full time, which is researching, studying, coaching, presenting, and now teaching about the power of our words and stories.

Todd:

And it's had a couple of different flags in the first eight years.

Todd:

I was running it by myself since then, my business partner.

Todd:

We teamed up in:

Todd:

I mean, file a lot of that under stuff you didn't learn in high school, high school English class, and nothing happened.

Todd:

Nothing happened.

Todd:

We put that thing out, and nothing happened.

Todd:

Nothing happened in:

Todd:

Nothing happened in:

Todd:

Something happened in:

Todd:

In:

Todd:

And I could go on a very tangential, interesting story about how we got on the podcast.

Todd:

We went on a very significant podcast in health and fitness, functional fitness, and specifically CrossFit called Barbell Shrugged.

Todd:

We went on that show.

Todd:

I flew from Thailand to Los Angeles to do that podcast live.

Todd:

,:

Todd:

And when that show dropped, we got introduced to the fitness industry by the best mouthpiece and CrossFit, and everything changed for us permanently.

Todd:

Mike Bledsoe, one of the guys on that show, and I became good friends.

Todd:

And eventually, we decided myself, Mike, and Adam decided to create a course for the fitness industry that's called enlifted.

Todd:

And we launched it in:

Todd:

From this event called paleo effects.

Todd:

And unbeknownst to us, that was the first cert, and that thing caught and took off.

Todd:

And then there's cert number three, and now there's cert number 410 people per se.

Todd:

It was always small groups, and by the time we got to six and seven, Adam and I are looking at us and going, well, this is interesting and way more.

Todd:

Way more lucrative, because anything would have been way more lucrative than what we were doing initially was, you know, we were on fumes for a couple years.

Todd:

That happens.

Todd:

And now we just graduated group 43.

Mark Englund:

Wow.

Todd:

So we've graduated 43 groups of level one students, ten at a time, nine weeks long.

Todd:

And, yeah, I am the head coach of enlifted, and I deliver all of our trainings and those.

Todd:

The certifications and going on podcast.

Todd:

This is my 400 411 show that I've.

Mark Englund:

Crazy that I've guessed it on.

Todd:

Yeah, I'm gonna do a thousand, dude.

Mark Englund:

Hell, yeah.

Todd:

And then I'm never going on another podcast again.

Todd:

I promise you that.

Todd:

I'm gonna say that last one for Rogan.

Todd:

If he's still doing it, if he's still doing it.

Todd:

I'm gonna save that last one for Rogan and then I'm, I'm never going on another show.

Todd:

I did a thousand go listen to some of them.

Todd:

Right?

Mark Englund:

Yeah.

Todd:

And, and our students are hungry, man.

Todd:

They're, they're, they're getting their reps in, they're getting their practice.

Todd:

They'll, they'll, they'll talk about it better than I do.

Todd:

So, you know, it's one of those get out of the way things deliver the magic and get out of the way.

Todd:

It's a good model and so, yeah, that's what we've been doing lately and for the past five years is filling up certs.

Todd:

And yes, I also, I do come from a education background so lucky me, I'm a very happy guy because I get to teach something that I'm very, to use an overused word, passionate, excited and yes, obsessed about.

Todd:

I get to meet a lot of cool people on the, on the way, on the path too.

Mark Englund:

So do you have like any plans on seminars, conferences, anything like that?

Mark Englund:

Doing it, doing it biggest.

Todd:

That's, that's another good question.

Todd:

I just put:

Todd:

It's one of our strong suits for sure.

Todd:

We love presenting.

Todd:

We're good at it again, love the people that we get to meet.

Todd:

And we, we also do one event a year.

Todd:

We're not an events company.

Todd:

We do it for shits and giggles and to get all the, to get everybody together and as this thing goes, you know, more events, bigger state.

Todd:

I'm, I'm comfortable talking to three people.

Todd:

I'm comfortable talking to:

Todd:

That's, that's, that's a skill that I've developed and yeah, so as the brand grows, so will the opportunities.

Mark Englund:

Yeah, I was curious about that.

Mark Englund:

Cause I mean as the head coach you're obviously doing a lot of legwork yourself.

Mark Englund:

And I think it's amazing.

Mark Englund:

People that get into some sort of career where they're down, they're totally down to do it until they're old and can hardly walk.

Mark Englund:

You know, people like Bob Proctor and Brian Tracy.

Mark Englund:

These guys are on stage at 80, 85, 90.

Mark Englund:

Doing it, doing it forever.

Mark Englund:

And so I always get curious about that.

Mark Englund:

Like people like yourself, you know, if.

Mark Englund:

Yeah, you make it to Joe Rogan show and you have these big events.

Mark Englund:

It's like, at some point.

Mark Englund:

Point, maybe you step back from the head coach rolled and lifted and.

Mark Englund:

And you're doing something that doesn't cause you to have to do so much legwork.

Mark Englund:

And so do you see something like that for yourself?

Todd:

I do.

Todd:

So, one of the goals, I've already mentioned them is to do a thousand podcasts.

Todd:

I'm on the way.

Todd:

eaching directly in Q four of:

Todd:

By that time, the curriculum for the certs, the ethos, the vibe, the community, it'll be baked.

Todd:

Baked in, and then there'll be plenty of.

Todd:

And then.

Todd:

And it won't be us choosing them so much.

Todd:

It's.

Todd:

It's more of the coaches choosing themself because that's coaches.

Todd:

People choose themselves.

Todd:

People choose themselves to be successful.

Todd:

They choose themselves to be unsuccessful.

Todd:

It's, you know, a lot of it comes down to our stories, and, yeah, there'll be plenty of.

Todd:

Plenty of coaches to carry on the certifications.

Todd:

There's some.

Todd:

There's some other areas that we can take this into essentially any arena that we want to, that people are telling themselves a story to themself, which is the definition of mindset.

Todd:

We can talk about that later.

Todd:

So, that's one thing to deliver the first 100 level one certs.

Todd:

And then also, like you mentioned, those.

Todd:

Those.

Todd:

Those old timers, those geezers walking around with canes and shit on stage, gray, bald, wrinkled, looking like prunes and happy about it.

Todd:

Hap, I would imagine they're happy to be in that.

Todd:

In the game.

Mark Englund:

Yeah, that.

Mark Englund:

At that.

Todd:

At that age.

Todd:

Because a lot of people.

Todd:

A lot of people don't pick a lane that they can.

Todd:

That they can compete in at a high level for a long period of time.

Todd:

So, the first thing that I got obsessed about was fighting, and I was a mediocre athlete, and it was.

Todd:

I was only going to get so far before I hit a wall of competition that it was not going to be pretty.

Todd:

So, in a real sense, the universe spared me a bunch of ass kickings, and it also forced me into something that I can pour my maniacal nature into and get a way better return from myself and for the people around me than that.

Todd:

I mean, I was a.

Todd:

You got to be self centered to be in, like, the not not good kind of self centered to be a.

Todd:

To be a fighter.

Mark Englund:

Yeah.

Todd:

More.

Todd:

At least I was.

Todd:

And yes.

Todd:

So to when did I do that.

Todd:

I went and I went and did a couple of NLP certifications.

Todd:

,:

Mark Englund:

I was gonna ask about that.

Todd:

Yeah, yeah.

Todd:

With Richard Bandler in London.

Mark Englund:

Okay.

Mark Englund:

No way.

Mark Englund:

Nice.

Todd:

Oh, yeah.

Mark Englund:

No, yeah, I'm no fees certified as well.

Todd:

Oh, very cool.

Mark Englund:

I didn't.

Mark Englund:

Tad James.

Mark Englund:

Not as cool as Richard bandler.

Todd:

Yeah, I mean, I went there.

Todd:

We did.

Todd:

It's half of the reason I went was to watch him work.

Todd:

And the thing that I walked out of there with was a question.

Todd:

So he's.

Todd:

There's:

Todd:

He's on stage.

Todd:

And I'm glad that, you know, we can drop f bombs here because that's absolutely.

Todd:

This is what he said and this is what he did.

Todd:

He goes, I've been doing this shit for 40 f g years and I'm like six years into my career.

Todd:

I didn't know it was a career at the time, but I was six years in and I just stared at him and I go, I wonder what that feels like.

Todd:

That was in:

Todd:

And I walked out of there.

Todd:

And guess what?

Todd:

There's only one way to answer that question.

Todd:

In one sense, I was screwed in a good way.

Todd:

And so we do.

Todd:

We do our TED talk in:

Todd:

I started coaching in:

Todd:

That's ten years in the game.

Todd:

And this thing has held my attention the whole time.

Todd:

Thanks, universe.

Todd:

I was a terrible student because I was bored out of my head.

Todd:

And this just.

Todd:

It holds my attention and I mean, even way more than that.

Todd:

But.

Todd:

And so I get off stage at TEDx and.

Todd:

And we knocked that shit out of the park.

Todd:

It was a major step up in competition for us as far like, you know, competing with yourself as far as a stage is concerned.

Todd:

people, and that was:

Todd:

And then also in my hometown, at the most beautiful theater that we have, the carpenter center.

Todd:

And we.

Todd:

We trained like pros, prepared for three months, walked out there, knocked it out of the park, got off stage, went back to my hotel room and stared, opened the door, locked the door, got on the bed, stared at the wall and the wall like they turned into a movie screen.

Todd:

And I just saw a bunch of stuff and I go, okay, I commit.

Todd:

I commit.

Todd:

I'm gonna do this for 50 years.

Todd:

I'll be.

Todd:

Yes, I'll be 80.

Todd:

I got.

Todd:

It's in my calendar right now.

Todd:

I got.

Todd:

,:

Todd:

Takes a little while to get down there.

Mark Englund:

Yeah.

Todd:

And it's my last day on the job.

Todd:

And after that, I'm never talking about this stuff ever again.

Todd:

I'll fight somebody if they try and have a conversation 80 years old and just mean.

Todd:

But until then, I got, I got stuff to say about words.

Mark Englund:

Yeah.

Mark Englund:

And that's crazy.

Mark Englund:

So, so first of all, how did this Barbell drug company, the podcast, how did they, how do they find you?

Mark Englund:

You said you're pretty obscure at the time.

Mark Englund:

You had been doing it for two years.

Mark Englund:

How did you end up getting this opportunity to fly out to laden?

Todd:

So strange.

Todd:

Well, this brings up a conversation about generosity.

Todd:

And I talked to the students about this, and I'm like, listen, the universe, in my personal and professional opinion, shines down and supports people that have a generous nature.

Todd:

There.

Todd:

There's some, there's, there's a warmth to it and, you know, it's just, I mean, whose favorite person is stingy?

Todd:

You know, when you, when you look at it that way, not many people say, oh, my favorite.

Todd:

My favorite person is they're just super stingy.

Todd:

Anyway, I have, from time to time, I have a generous nature.

Todd:

e a workshop in Costa Rica in:

Mark Englund:

Nice.

Todd:

And I get off stage and this guy comes up and he goes, man, that was great.

Todd:

Do you do one on one sessions?

Todd:

And I'm like, yes, I do.

Todd:

He goes, how much are they?

Mark Englund:

He.

Todd:

I go, $300 a session.

Todd:

He goes, man, I bet it's worth way more than that.

Todd:

And I just don't have it.

Todd:

You know, we'll, uh, maybe we'll see each other some time.

Todd:

And I go, uh, I watched him started to walk off and I go, hey, buddy, buy me a coconut.

Todd:

And we'll go do the thing, like right then and there.

Todd:

And he goes, okay, so this guy's name's Daniel Raphael.

Todd:

You're gonna look him up.

Todd:

He 100,100, 50,000 people on Instagram.

Todd:

He just sold wizard school.

Todd:

Oh, yeah.

Todd:

And so we go do a session, and I'm in Costa Rica at the time, so it's obviously.

Todd:

And then, and then I'm going to LA for the summer.

Todd:

He's there.

Todd:

He does some man on the street recording for me when I was walking down Venice beach boardwalk asking people about Abracadabra and just.

Todd:

And then he recorded, and I showed him what to do.

Todd:

I taught him how to coach in the way that we do.

Todd:

And he, he did a workshop in:

Todd:

He did a workshop at somebody's house in Encinitas and got somebody out of the.

Todd:

The crowd, maybe 20 people there, to work on a story about a block they were having.

Todd:

And it went somewhere where no one was expecting, where it needed to go, which is usually the case.

Todd:

And the guy had a significant emotional breakthrough and release, and his breath unlocked and saw things different.

Todd:

And the guy asked him later, he goes, where did you learn how to do this?

Todd:

And that guy goes, he said my name?

Todd:

Yeah.

Todd:

And so in:

Todd:

Who's got the best podcast in CrossFit?

Todd:

It was fate, dude.

Todd:

They all said.

Todd:

All five said.

Todd:

Barbell shrugged, and one of them came back and said, oh, by the way, Mike Bledsoe is aware of you and your work.

Todd:

Would you like an introduction?

Todd:

I think I can get it for you.

Todd:

And I'm like, what the fuck?

Todd:

And two emails back and forth were on the show, and the rest is history.

Mark Englund:

That's crazy.

Mark Englund:

That's crazy.

Mark Englund:

All right, so let's get.

Mark Englund:

Let's get into the work then.

Mark Englund:

So, first of all, you were a fighter and you had a knee injury.

Mark Englund:

And so I know the story, but the audience does not.

Mark Englund:

And so talk about, start from there.

Mark Englund:

You had a knee injury, and then you were dealing with some.

Mark Englund:

Some victim mentality.

Mark Englund:

You were obviously hurt emotionally as well as physically, and feeling like your career was over.

Mark Englund:

And how did.

Mark Englund:

How did you start to overcome that and make your way into personal development?

Todd:

Yeah, the story was way worse than.

Todd:

Than the physical injury.

Todd:

How do I know that?

Todd:

Well, because, you know, I went into the kickboxing gym three days ago, and, you know, I.

Todd:

I can do whatever I want to.

Todd:

I thought I was the.

Todd:

I believed what the doctor told me.

Todd:

And in one sense, he was right.

Todd:

I mean, I never fought again.

Todd:

He goes, your career as a fighter is over.

Todd:

And so me at 27.

Todd:

Yeah, 27.

Todd:

I'd only had my passport for two years.

Todd:

Been out of the country once, and now I'm moving over to Thailand for a year.

Todd:

I had three going away parties.

Todd:

It was a big deal.

Todd:

Very big deal for me.

Todd:

And so.

Todd:

Jacked my knee up.

Todd:

Jacked it up again, jacked it up again.

Todd:

And then I'm like, oh, God, I need surgery.

Todd:

So, yeah, I get it.

Todd:

And then the whole thing stops.

Todd:

And I use that experience at the time as a.

Todd:

As a piece of the final piece of damning evidence in a case I was making against myself.

Todd:

That I was somehow doomed to fail.

Todd:

I was a born loser.

Todd:

There was something wrong with me.

Todd:

Wasn't sure what it was, but it's called a telephobia, folks.

Todd:

Pick up your pen and write that down.

Todd:

A telephobia.

Todd:

It's the fear of not being good enough.

Todd:

And if you want to get all Tony Robbins about it, he said 95%, and he's either right or close.

Todd:

95% of everybody's stuff boils down to that.

Todd:

And so, yeah, darkness descended, and I lit a dumpster fire victim mentality in my head and walked around with it like that for a year.

Todd:

I didn't laugh.

Todd:

I didn't laugh for an entire year.

Todd:

I don't recommend that.

Todd:

It's a very weird experience.

Todd:

And once upon a time.

Todd:

So I lived in Thailand for ten years.

Todd:

That still sounds strange to say.

Todd:

Half was.

Todd:

Half was.

Todd:

I was an elementary school pe teacher at international school.

Todd:

The second half, I was a coach at a cleansing and fasting.

Todd:

So our vice principal comes back from a three day cleanse down at this place called the spa.

Todd:

It's a great gig.

Todd:

You go down there and pay them to not eat.

Todd:

And.

Todd:

Yeah, and I did.

Todd:

I did.

Todd:

I went down and.

Todd:

And because I was in.

Todd:

I was a mess.

Todd:

And he goes, me, man, they're doing some interesting stuff down there.

Todd:

I think you might like it.

Todd:

I was like, okay, because I knew I needed to do something different because it was the first time, and I'm not a wise person by any stretch of imagination, but.

Todd:

But wisdom showed up and tapped me on the shoulder, and I go, and I said, dude, are you gonna be complaining about that whole thing when you're 55?

Todd:

If you do, I was 27 at the time.

Todd:

If you do, you really will be a loser.

Todd:

You really are a loser.

Todd:

Because I saw that version of myself, and it was not fun.

Todd:

And so I go, okay, I need to do something different.

Todd:

Right around that same time, the vice principal came back.

Todd:

He's like, hey, take a look at this.

Todd:

And I'm like, okay.

Todd:

So I go down there and something happens.

Todd:

I'm like, okay.

Todd:

And I go back again, and I'm like, okay, yes, I feel better.

Todd:

And this is.

Todd:

This is oddly interesting.

Todd:

And I.

Todd:

You know, these hippies aren't that weird.

Todd:

a third time, and this is in:

Todd:

And, I mean, I laughed at the title before I went, because I'm like, I said, not a wise person.

Todd:

Emotional detoxification.

Todd:

And I went, gotta show up, folks.

Todd:

And I met my mentor, guy by the name of Barry Musgrave.

Todd:

And he talked about words, and he talked about breath, and he talked about stories.

Todd:

And then he goes, is anybody stuck on a story?

Todd:

And this woman shot her hand up, and she told.

Todd:

Proceeded to tell the story of a very public and humiliating breakup.

Todd:

Essentially.

Todd:

Her.

Todd:

Her and her friends went to the beach.

Todd:

They got a house at the beach, beach week.

Todd:

And her boyfriend's.

Todd:

Her boyfriend and his friends got the house next door.

Todd:

Add alcohol.

Todd:

Press play.

Todd:

He hooks up with one of her best friends in front of everybody the night before and then dumps her in front everybody the next night.

Todd:

Holy sound.

Todd:

Sound fun?

Todd:

Yikes, dude.

Todd:

And.

Todd:

And she's hella pissed still after four years?

Todd:

Yeah, because time doesn't apply to the emotional body.

Todd:

And he had her tell the story three times.

Todd:

First time through, the story didn't change anything.

Todd:

Just let her have it.

Todd:

She's, you know, crying and angry.

Todd:

And second time through, he.

Todd:

He started changing some words for her.

Todd:

She was like.

Todd:

The story started to loosen up a little bit, and everybody's starting to lean in, like something's happening over there.

Todd:

Then the third time, he stopped her at the linchpin sentence, the Lord of the Rings sentence, the one that held the whole thing together, the whole thing being her victim mentality about what happened.

Todd:

And that sentence was, this guy was smart.

Todd:

He had her slow it down and repeat it three times.

Todd:

So everybody's staring at the same sentence, the same spell.

Todd:

Webster's definition of a spell, not mine to word or a combination of words of great influence.

Todd:

And that sentence was, he did that to me.

Todd:

Say it again.

Todd:

He did that to me.

Todd:

Wonderful.

Todd:

Say it one more time.

Todd:

He did that to me.

Todd:

He goes, that last word.

Todd:

Take that out and put in himself and talk about a record scratch, because there can be good record scratches, kids.

Todd:

It was such a change of direction that she stuttered, and then it went into uptalk at the end.

Todd:

He did that to himself.

Todd:

And then the breath unlocks.

Todd:

Good luck changing your mind, or good luck changing your client's mind while their breath is trapped in their chest.

Todd:

Everybody.

Todd:

Then the breath unlocks.

Todd:

He did.

Todd:

He did do that to himself.

Todd:

And she started talking about how he lost friends and it was worse for him.

Todd:

And then finally she goes, that was never gonna work out anyway.

Todd:

It was actually really weird.

Todd:

And everybody's, like, looking like this, and I go, that's the second coolest thing I've ever seen in my life.

Todd:

First time was when I got choked for the first time.

Todd:

I was a wrestler in high school.

Todd:

Cool.

Todd:

You pin me, I pin you.

Todd:

I mean, like, cool.

Todd:

The first time I got choked, I was like, oh, that's different.

Todd:

And I had to learn it, and so I got obsessed.

Todd:

And then the second time was when I saw that and I was like, that's the second coolest thing I've ever seen.

Todd:

And I've got a he did that to me story.

Todd:

He shouldn't have been kicking that hard.

Todd:

We were just warming up.

Todd:

And you now have my attention, Barry Musgrave.

Todd:

And I had no clue what it was gonna turn into again.

Todd:

This thing reeks of fate from start to finish.

Todd:

And yeah, man, like I said, I was, I wasn't a bad student in school.

Todd:

I wasn't a disruptive student in school.

Todd:

I was a destructive student in school.

Todd:

I caused problems on purpose and got off on it partly.

Todd:

And I've.

Todd:

Now I have a degree in education.

Todd:

Haha.

Todd:

And I was a school teacher for five years.

Todd:

But the two main reasons that I was on purpose a problem was the kids aren't supposed to sit that long.

Todd:

I haven't.

Todd:

You know how many times I've said that?

Todd:

I haven't had one person say, you're wrong about that.

Todd:

Children are not supposed to sit that long.

Todd:

And then to the curriculum, which is boring as shit.

Todd:

I mean, who cares about 90% of that stuff?

Todd:

How much do you.

Todd:

Do you use 5% of the stuff that you learned in public school?

Mark Englund:

Yeah.

Mark Englund:

No, definitely not.

Todd:

I mean, other than the.

Todd:

The words.

Todd:

But guess what?

Todd:

You're gonna learn to speak anyway.

Todd:

And the writing.

Todd:

Yes, the writing helps, but as far as, like, when you look.

Todd:

When I look at.

Todd:

I take you out of it.

Todd:

When I look at the amount of time and energy that gets dumped into that beast of an industry.

Todd:

What a waste of talent.

Todd:

What a waste of talent.

Todd:

I mean, what do kids come out of public school with?

Todd:

I know I'm off on it, Tangent.

Todd:

I do it.

Todd:

And professionally, what do kids come out of public school with as far as their mindset, which is the story that you tell yourself?

Todd:

That's what enlist.

Todd:

Okay.

Todd:

So you could ask Google.

Todd:

You meaning anyone.

Todd:

I highly recommend doing it.

Todd:

Ask Google what?

Todd:

What's the definition of mindset?

Todd:

And you're going to get 17 definitions on the first page alone.

Todd:

In my personal professional opinion, enlifted has the best definition of mindset because it's the most simple.

Todd:

The enlifted definition of mindset is the story that you tell yourself.

Todd:

That's what it is.

Todd:

We have we.

Todd:

Stories about our body, stories about our money.

Todd:

Stories about our partner, stories about our business, story about the government store, whatever.

Todd:

It's stories.

Todd:

And guess what?

Todd:

Those stories are made up of words.

Todd:

And all that time in those classrooms, people come out, usually struggling with self confidence and belief and zero sitting ducks.

Todd:

Sitting fucking ducks to the trash talk in their own mind.

Todd:

Zero ability to use their words consciously, to stay focused on what's important, to keep the drama low, to build themselves up in their feelings, to unlock their breath.

Todd:

Most people's.

Todd:

Most people are walking around with their breath trapped in their chest, and it's because of stories and what happens there.

Todd:

Well, how about you're a shitty listener because it's called amygdala hijack.

Todd:

Look that up.

Todd:

When someone's breath is trapped in their chest, their ability to listen goes way down.

Todd:

Their access to their creative faculties goes way down.

Todd:

We get myopic and not on the good stuff, focused on the problem.

Todd:

And.

Todd:

And then very rarely does that feedback loop change itself.

Todd:

Yeah.

Todd:

So it's.

Todd:

It's.

Todd:

I mean, I understand.

Todd:

And so, back to why I'm so appreciative of this work.

Todd:

It's.

Todd:

It's held my attention the whole time, and it's part of the reason that enlifted exists.

Todd:

I mean, there's, of course, my.

Todd:

There's a lot of people involved in this thing, and from our students to the team, to just, you know, people that have us on podcasts.

Todd:

Thank you.

Todd:

And on my side of the street, part of it is that I get jazzed up to talk about this stuff.

Todd:

And it's not a joke.

Todd:

It's.

Todd:

It's.

Todd:

This is one of the most important conversations that you can have, in my personal and professional opinion.

Todd:

As in, what are you telling yourself?

Todd:

What story are you telling yourself?

Todd:

And then.

Todd:

And then how do you make improvements in it?

Todd:

It's like, well, I'll tell you how.

Todd:

You're going to have to change your words.

Todd:

And if you're changing your words, then you're going to change your breath.

Todd:

Those are the two most foundational components of the most rubber meets the road, components for mindset.

Todd:

Your words and your breath.

Todd:

What words are you using, and how are you breathing while you're using them?

Todd:

Good luck separating them.

Todd:

And so, you know, you learn this, and really the keys to the kingdom.

Mark Englund:

So, did this guy, Barry Musgrave, did he take you through an exercise, or does he have.

Mark Englund:

Did you.

Mark Englund:

You went down to the emotional detox workshop, and is that when you started telling your story or realizing, becoming aware of how that story was holding you back?

Mark Englund:

I know, you said you had that momentous where you didn't want to be a 50 year old still telling the story.

Mark Englund:

So he had a moment of self awareness of like, okay, yes, I'm telling myself the story, and at some point I'm going to have to let go of the story.

Mark Englund:

And then when did you start to kind of unravel that and begin to work on that?

Todd:

That was, was and is a process.

Todd:

I've gone into the scary stories and I picked up that 600 pound pen.

Todd:

I've written them down.

Todd:

Okay?

Todd:

That's where a lot of this stuff starts, in our opinion, and then there's the maintenance of it.

Todd:

So I was the toughest nut to crack because I was so jaded and guarded and embarrassed about everything.

Todd:

The outer shell of me was hard.

Todd:

The inner world was scared.

Todd:

And, yeah.

Todd:

So I'm going to pick one thing you asked and then riff on that because it's a lot of things.

Todd:

And for me now, it's funny.

Todd:

Did he put you through an exercise?

Todd:

So he did that.

Todd:

He demonstrated that.

Todd:

And then he showed us how to do it, and he paired us up with people, and I got paired up with this woman, and we had five minutes to.

Todd:

So I was a coach and she was a client, and then switch up.

Todd:

And, and so she's the co, she's the client first and five minutes.

Todd:

Okay, tell, tell a story, go into a story, and she goes into some story.

Todd:

And I'm doing the best I can.

Todd:

And then he goes, okay, switch.

Todd:

And I looked at her and I go, I'm sorry, I'm leaving now because I wasn't talking to anyone about anything.

Mark Englund:

Oh, my gosh.

Todd:

And one of the things that attracted me to, oh, you've, you've done your NLP certified.

Todd:

It was, it was an emotional freedom technique workshop.

Todd:

The tapping.

Mark Englund:

Yep.

Todd:

And, and so the one of the things that drew me to it is you can do this work on yourself by yourself.

Todd:

I was like, I will do that.

Todd:

I'm not talking to anybody about nothing.

Todd:

And I'll go in there on my own, which has, it will work to some degree.

Todd:

And you know what?

Todd:

Some degree is a great degree.

Mark Englund:

Yeah.

Todd:

And so I just, I got up and he goes, oh, by the way, there's this 82 page manual that you can go.

Todd:

And I was like, okay.

Todd:

And so I literally, I said, sorry, I'm leaving.

Todd:

nt to the Internet cafe, it's:

Todd:

And I went back to my bungalow.

Todd:

And I started tapping on shit and kept on with it, man.

Todd:

And, yeah, I studied with eight.

Todd:

I got the eight of the nine founders of the systems that most impressed me, the ones that I knew of.

Todd:

There's a lot of great stuff out there that I'm ignorant about.

Todd:

One of them, I did a five day training with Gary Craig back in the day.

Todd:

Got to see our man Richard Bandler, Bob Stevens from conscious language.

Todd:

Byron Katie did.

Todd:

Did eight days with Bert Hellinger from family constellations in Quito, three days in Quito, and then five days in Bader Eichenhall, Germany.

Todd:

And then there's some others.

Todd:

So I went around and, I mean, I popped the hood on some stuff.

Todd:

So, yeah, he took it.

Todd:

Like, he.

Todd:

I'm reminiscing of, you know, that those early, hard, intense, which is really tense.

Todd:

So I've given well over 750 workshops in person over the years.

Todd:

And, like, this is when I say, this would have been doing somewhere between full time and overtime the whole time.

Todd:

I mean that.

Todd:

And in the early days, I have way more fun now.

Todd:

You know why?

Todd:

Because I'm breathing better.

Todd:

In the early days, people would go, man, you're so intense up there presenting.

Todd:

And I'm like, yeah, cool.

Todd:

Until I realized what they were saying.

Todd:

Take off the first two letters.

Todd:

Your tense.

Todd:

Not good tense.

Todd:

Where do people breathe when they're tense?

Todd:

In their chest.

Todd:

What are people that are tense?

Todd:

Not being comfortable.

Todd:

I was like, oh, right, okay.

Todd:

So, yeah, man, I'm better now.

Mark Englund:

So you did.

Mark Englund:

So you did all this work yourself.

Mark Englund:

You refused to talk to anybody about it, and you kind of unpacked your story on your own.

Todd:

Until.

Todd:

Yes, and I got a crack in the door.

Todd:

And then eventually I did work with other people, and I'd go to workshops and seminars and I'd participate, and I'd cry about shit I needed to.

Todd:

And I'd, you know, a lot of that stuff's real, everybody.

Todd:

Stories kept in your head.

Todd:

I mean, it's.

Todd:

This is not rocket science stories kept in your head, which is where most people keep their stories.

Todd:

The scary stories and the good stories.

Todd:

As far as the scary stories is concerned, they take up a lot of space.

Todd:

They swirl seemingly infinite, very disorganized, versus, once they're written down, story.

Todd:

Negative stories kept in the head trap the breath in the chest, which means the picture is up close and scary and in your face.

Todd:

It's.

Todd:

Oddly enough, it's the opposite for the positive stuff.

Todd:

Positive stories kept in the head, which people have them.

Todd:

It's called celebrating wins.

Todd:

Or celebrating progress.

Todd:

They're very far away and not that meaningful.

Todd:

Oh, it's not that big of a deal until you write it down and get the air in there and the ouchy shit is way too close and meaningful and.

Todd:

Yeah.

Todd:

And so I did enough work on myself to where my breath unlocked.

Todd:

So we're known as the language people for the people that know about us.

Todd:

We're small fish still for now.

Todd:

And.

Todd:

And push comes to shove, it's about the breathe.

Todd:

Like, we're here to help people unlock their breathing.

Todd:

Good luck enjoying it.

Todd:

Good luck feeling comfortable in your skin while your breath is trapped in your chest.

Todd:

And that's one of the things that's missing from most mindset conversations.

Todd:

One, the definition.

Todd:

A working definition, or even better, a verbatim definition of the victim mentality.

Todd:

Because that's why most people get into this stuff in the first place.

Todd:

They got a problem, and you start scratching that problem, that stuck ness, and you got victim centric stories.

Todd:

So a working definition or a verbatim definition.

Todd:

I've got the verbatim definition if you want it.

Todd:

Definition of the victim mentality.

Todd:

And then breath.

Todd:

Breathing.

Todd:

Breathing.

Todd:

Better words, better breathing.

Todd:

Yeah.

Todd:

So that's.

Todd:

That's.

Mark Englund:

Yeah, yeah, talk.

Mark Englund:

Yeah, talk about the definition, victim mentality.

Mark Englund:

Because, I mean, that's something that I think even you being involved in the fitness world is very true as well.

Mark Englund:

Like, I can't do things because of the this and that.

Mark Englund:

All the reasons why people can't lose weight and the things that they've dealt with or the things that are dealing with.

Mark Englund:

And I actually discovered you originally from a certification that I was taking called beyond macros.

Mark Englund:

This was Matt Walrus.

Mark Englund:

Yeah.

Mark Englund:

It's probably four years ago, something, bro.

Todd:

Matt Walruth was one of the athletes that I reached out to back in the day who's got the best podcast in CrossFit, and he was friends with Daniel Raphael.

Mark Englund:

Nice.

Todd:

Yeah.

Todd:

And so Matt Walworth was the person that came back and said, oh, by the way, Mike Bledsoe is aware of your work.

Todd:

Would you like super crazy?

Todd:

that guy in a CrossFit gym in:

Mark Englund:

Also my surgery or something?

Todd:

No, no, no.

Todd:

Combo.

Todd:

The frog met.

Todd:

What's that?

Todd:

Frog venom.

Todd:

Yeah.

Mark Englund:

Okay.

Mark Englund:

Okay.

Todd:

And I've done that.

Todd:

No, it's not a toad.

Todd:

It's a.

Todd:

It's a frog.

Mark Englund:

Very interesting.

Mark Englund:

Off.

Mark Englund:

Look it up.

Todd:

Yeah, yeah, look it up.

Todd:

And so without that is.

Todd:

Yeah.

Todd:

So good.

Mark Englund:

That's the big thing is like, so the.

Mark Englund:

The whole idea behind beyond macros was that, okay, it's one thing to just take someone and give them a meal plan.

Mark Englund:

This is what I discovered as I used to be a nutrition coach, I used to be a bodybuilder.

Mark Englund:

I used to do all this stuff, and it was like, dude, I can literally give someone the exact meal plan tailored to them.

Mark Englund:

Macros, everything, perfect workout program, and they're still not going to do it, and they're going to start, even potentially worse, telling a story about themselves, about, look, this guy did all this work for me, and now I still can't do it.

Mark Englund:

And so I started really feeling bad about myself and my coaching ability.

Mark Englund:

One.

Mark Englund:

But two, it was like I was really jaded because it's like people don't.

Mark Englund:

People say that they want the meal plan.

Mark Englund:

People say, oh, if I just had the meal plan, everything would be fine.

Mark Englund:

But ultimately, that's not what it is.

Mark Englund:

There's something deeper there.

Mark Englund:

There's something deeper we really got to get into.

Mark Englund:

And that led me into the study of psychology.

Mark Englund:

I got my degree in psychology.

Mark Englund:

Now I'm moving on to sociology, understanding the larger problem here.

Mark Englund:

And so language is a part of that.

Mark Englund:

And so I'm just.

Mark Englund:

Yeah, I'm very curious about how do we move beyond something like that into the victim mentality that people are in the.

Mark Englund:

That's keeping them stuck, whether it's weight loss, whether it's, you know, trying to chase their dreams, whether it's relationships.

Mark Englund:

Yeah.

Mark Englund:

So talk about victim mentality for a minute.

Todd:

And two of the ways, in our opinion, of how you get people interested or more interested or engaged or more engaged in looking at their story as something that they can improve and change easily is first to demystify it and then gamify first thing.

Todd:

So if you're going to demystify it, you got to.

Todd:

Got to have a simple definition.

Todd:

Mindset is the story that we tell ourselves and gamify it.

Todd:

We can play.

Todd:

We can play a language game or two on here if you want.

Todd:

So I'll do this twice.

Todd:

And for all y'all note takers, 30, 50, 80.

Todd:

We remember 30% of what we hear, 50% of what we write, and 80% of what we turn around.

Todd:

Teacher, explain.

Todd:

So if you put pen to.

Todd:

Most people have never heard the verbatim definition of the victim mentality.

Todd:

Never heard it.

Todd:

Usually the conversation goes as far as, you know, they've got a victim mentality where they're playing a victim, and that's where it stops.

Todd:

Okay.

Todd:

Most people never heard the verbatim definition of the victim mentality, much less written it down.

Todd:

So I'll do it twice.

Todd:

Once slow, and then I'll speed it up and put some polish on it.

Todd:

The victim mentality is an acquired personality trait.

Todd:

Where a person tends to regard himself or herself.

Todd:

As the victim of the negative actions of others.

Todd:

Even in the absence of clear evidence.

Todd:

The victim mentality depends on a habitual thought process and attributions.

Todd:

First, that second sentence.

Todd:

Everybody.

Todd:

Right between the eyes.

Todd:

Right where it belongs.

Todd:

So here it is.

Todd:

Here it is slow.

Todd:

And then I'll polish it up.

Todd:

The victim mentality is an acquired personality trait.

Todd:

Where a person tends.

Todd:

It's a tendency.

Todd:

Sometimes it's up, sometimes it's down.

Todd:

Person tends to regard himself or herself.

Todd:

As the victim of the negative actions of others.

Todd:

Even in the absence of clear evidence.

Todd:

The victim mentality depends.

Todd:

Circle that word on a habitual.

Todd:

Underline that word.

Todd:

Thought process and attributions.

Todd:

The victim mentality depends, as in it has to have a habitual.

Todd:

Which accurately implies duration and addiction.

Todd:

Thought process.

Todd:

What's a thought process?

Todd:

It's how you put your words together.

Todd:

Set an attribution.

Todd:

What's an attribution?

Todd:

It's a characteristic.

Todd:

The two characters, other than the words.

Todd:

The most important characteristic for us is how you're breathing.

Todd:

It's really easy to take things personally with the breath trapped in the chest.

Todd:

It's real hard to see things different with the breath trapped in the chest.

Todd:

It's really easy to turn somebody into a villain.

Todd:

With the breath trapped in the chest.

Todd:

And those words will do it.

Todd:

He did that to me.

Todd:

Look.

Todd:

Two plus two equals four.

Todd:

Everybody.

Todd:

This is.

Todd:

This is.

Todd:

This is kindergarten math.

Todd:

Two plus two equals four.

Todd:

He, too, did that to me.

Todd:

Two equal.

Todd:

If I say that.

Todd:

If Einstein says that we're both getting the victim villain mental imagery.

Todd:

My dad always talks to me like a child.

Todd:

I'm.

Todd:

I'm in that sentence.

Todd:

My dad's in that sentence.

Todd:

That means I'm in the picture.

Todd:

He's in the picture.

Todd:

He's doing something to me.

Todd:

I need her to respect me more.

Todd:

She's in the picture, not doing something for me that I'm having.

Todd:

Doing for myself.

Todd:

I mean, there's a big difference between that.

Todd:

And I need to respect me more.

Todd:

Or I talk to me like a child, or I.

Todd:

He did that to himself, or I did that to me.

Todd:

And there's so many, like, there's trusting.

Todd:

The first version of the story that shows up in your head, which is.

Todd:

It's in your head, so it's not written down, and it's going fast.

Todd:

When people say that my life is out of control, what they're saying is that my story is out of control.

Todd:

And then if you keep going, that that means that your story is in your head.

Todd:

The fastest way to slow down a story is to write it down.

Todd:

The faster the story goes, the harder it is to change.

Todd:

Take that to the bank.

Todd:

It's like the faster you go in a car, the harder it is to change directions.

Todd:

The faster the story goes, the harder it is to change.

Todd:

And the fastest way to slow down a story is to write the damn thing down.

Todd:

And people are profoundly underwritten, like, majorly.

Todd:

And this thing can feel like it weighs 600 pounds.

Todd:

Yeah.

Todd:

And so it's good to be able to, in my opinion, again, to reference or deliver a verbatim definition of the victim mentality in a conversation about mindset.

Todd:

Again, because this.

Todd:

That's why people get into this stuff.

Todd:

I wouldn't have gotten into this stuff unless I had a problem to solve.

Todd:

And when I started scratching the surface of that thing, I was like, ooh, there's more in here than I thought there was going to be.

Todd:

Which is fine.

Todd:

It's great.

Todd:

Something to do.

Mark Englund:

Yeah.

Mark Englund:

So can we use your story as an example about how you had this habitual story going on about.

Mark Englund:

Okay, I see.

Mark Englund:

I knew it.

Mark Englund:

I knew I'm a loser.

Mark Englund:

I knew that I wasn't cut out for this.

Mark Englund:

Right.

Mark Englund:

And then eventually, at some point, you started reframing that.

Mark Englund:

And I know that's a big part of what your TED talk was about as well, was you are a process versus, you know, identifying yourself as a failure.

Mark Englund:

And so your story shifted from being a loser, being not good enough, to what?

Todd:

Interesting you bring that up, because I just got off a two and two hour and 25 Minutes podcast this morning with one of our students.

Todd:

Yeah.

Mark Englund:

I mean, I go on shows going hard.

Todd:

Yeah.

Todd:

And he goes, what's changed for you over the years?

Todd:

What stories have changed for you over the years, from the procabulary days to the enlifted days?

Todd:

And he had, I mean, this is pretty cool.

Todd:

Take out the pretty.

Todd:

He put a.

Todd:

He put a collide, like a timeline of.

Todd:

resenting and, you know, from:

Todd:

And there's a progression for sure.

Todd:

I mean, one, I'm aging, and two, you can tell there's a.

Todd:

There's a.

Todd:

There's a.

Todd:

There's a healthy softening, because there is.

Todd:

And he goes, what's.

Todd:

What's changed in that person?

Todd:

I'm like, you know, mandy, not much.

Todd:

Not much in.

Todd:

In the core belief that I'm good enough to get good at this, because I recognized that from the start.

Todd:

I was like, I can get good at this.

Todd:

Back.

Todd:

Back to picking a lane that you can.

Todd:

You can play in for at a high level for a prolonged period of time.

Todd:

I wouldn't gonna be able.

Todd:

I wouldn't be doing that.

Todd:

Fighting.

Todd:

And, yes, one of my superpower.

Todd:

I don't need to be the best.

Todd:

I don't care who's the best.

Todd:

Those are just people's opinions.

Todd:

I mean, and if I had my magic wand, I just want to be the most simple.

Todd:

That's it.

Todd:

All I want to do is.

Todd:

And I do know this.

Todd:

I know this in my core, that I'm good enough to do this work and then get up and drink some coffee and go to work.

Todd:

If I put those two things together, that's it.

Todd:

That's it.

Todd:

It's just.

Todd:

It's just a conversation about time.

Todd:

At that point in time, I'm gonna put hours on the clock.

Todd:

I know that.

Mark Englund:

And so what if someone is identifying themselves as a failure?

Mark Englund:

They've tried to.

Mark Englund:

So, a big part of my podcast is.

Mark Englund:

Is myself going and chasing this big dream.

Mark Englund:

And I know that a lot of people are chasing big dreams, and I know for a fact, working as a bartender, especially around a bunch of food service people who had these big dreams, who they've no longer.

Mark Englund:

They decide to give it up, and now they see themselves as a failure, and now they drain away some of their sorrows through alcohol and.

Mark Englund:

And really are holding on to some sort of story.

Mark Englund:

And so how would we help them to reframe from.

Mark Englund:

I'm a failure.

Mark Englund:

I tried it.

Mark Englund:

It didn't work.

Mark Englund:

It was too hard.

Mark Englund:

I can't go back to school now.

Mark Englund:

I'm in my thirties.

Mark Englund:

I.

Mark Englund:

You know, this is just what I am now.

Todd:

Well, first thing I would have them do is to write those stories down.

Todd:

Five minutes is plenty d to get that story, enough of that story out of their head and on paper so that they've got some space and clarity.

Todd:

That's the first thing.

Todd:

So, there's this thing in enlifted.

Todd:

It's at the same time the crown jewel of the enlisted method and the swiss army knife.

Todd:

It's what our level one certification is built around.

Todd:

And four steps.

Todd:

Four steps to it.

Todd:

Step one.

Todd:

Write it down.

Todd:

Title it, and write it down.

Todd:

Whether it's a general story of ouch and pain and stinging woe.

Todd:

Or the time your dad punched you in the.

Todd:

In the.

Todd:

In the mouth when you were nine, you talked back to mom at the dinner table and broke a tooth.

Todd:

The worst time you were bullied.

Todd:

The breakup from last week.

Todd:

Whatever.

Todd:

Once a story is on paper, it's so much easier to work with.

Todd:

And once when people are dialoguing back and forth.

Todd:

And so, step one, get the thing on paper, okay?

Todd:

And then two, read it, and whatever happens, happens.

Todd:

Step three, read that same story slow.

Todd:

When someone slows down their rate of speech, the breath starts to loosen up.

Todd:

And again, story kept in the head, going fast.

Todd:

Breath trapped in the chest.

Todd:

Breath trapped in the chest is a demonstration of attachment to the story.

Todd:

Breath starts to loosen up.

Todd:

This white knuckle grip starts to go like that.

Todd:

And then let's just say it's three paragraphs long.

Todd:

Step four is you read that same story slow and then get a breath in between each sentence, and it doesn't sound like shit.

Todd:

But I'll tell you what, when that breath unlocks, bro, and starts to descend and those feels come up, it gets really real.

Todd:

And also, because people can.

Todd:

Rough shot, rough ride.

Todd:

Rough right over.

Todd:

Right over the most important parts.

Todd:

I was abused and raped when I was 17.

Todd:

I'm fine.

Todd:

Write that story down and let your breath unlock and watch what comes out.

Todd:

And so I've been talking about breath the whole time, because we talk about breath words and breath the whole time, and then lift it.

Todd:

So, story in the head, breath in the chest.

Todd:

Picture is in your face.

Todd:

Get the story written, written out, and aired out.

Todd:

And as this is the mechanics of storytelling, as the breath unlocks and descends, the picture moves out, and you go from being a relentless participant to the observer of the thing.

Todd:

And therein lies the shift.

Todd:

And it doesn't take any smarty pants answers from me for a person to do that.

Todd:

All I need to do is to know how to work the levers of storytelling.

Todd:

And most coaches are not paying attention to the rate of speech.

Todd:

One, they're not getting the words written down.

Todd:

Most of the time, they're just sitting there holding their breath, waiting for something to smart to say, to be wise, to have some good eye, to have a good answer for them.

Todd:

And before that, most coaches drama bond with their clients.

Todd:

When you drama bond with your clients, that's you believing their story.

Todd:

It sounds harsh at first.

Todd:

Do not believe your client story.

Todd:

Everybody observe your client story.

Todd:

No.

Todd:

What do you.

Todd:

What do you mean?

Todd:

I need to believe my client's story so they feel heard.

Todd:

They don't.

Todd:

They're not there to be heard.

Todd:

They're there to change.

Todd:

And why are you believing a story that's going to change in 35 minutes if you do a half mediocre job now and so, and then from there, most coaches are not paying attention to how they're breathing in sessions, and so the client gets emotional, which is going to happen when you're navigating stories with people, and the client gets emotional and their breath gets trapped in the chest, and then the coach goes, oh, my God.

Todd:

Or to some degree, and then you've got that trauma bond.

Todd:

Drama bonding is when you believe your client's story.

Todd:

Trauma bonding is when the coach and the client go into a stress response at the same time.

Todd:

Both of them are messes.

Todd:

And so I just dug off on rants and tangents.

Todd:

So that's.

Todd:

That would be a preliminary piece of advice to someone who wants to change the story.

Todd:

And if someone had a story, then I would ask them that question first.

Todd:

Do you want to change?

Todd:

Do you do.

Todd:

I mean, and you can get all.

Todd:

I mean, you know, this.

Todd:

You can get all gangster about it.

Todd:

You see yourself working in the food service industry for the next 20 years.

Todd:

No.

Todd:

Oh, so you're gonna do something different when 14 years.

Todd:

Nine, seven, six and a half.

Todd:

And you could.

Todd:

You could back it into.

Todd:

That would all depend on what mood I was in and how much they wanted to play.

Todd:

But none of this is rocket science.

Todd:

People don't.

Todd:

People don't need PhDs to create a story, and they don't need a PhD to change a story.

Todd:

Most of the time, you just need a pen and a piece of paper and just a little bit of know how about the mechanism mechanics of storytelling?

Todd:

And a lot of that involves, are the words up here, or are they written down?

Todd:

How fast is the story going?

Todd:

Okay, where's my breath when I'm telling the story?

Todd:

And what words force me to see things in certain ways?

Todd:

What words spike the drama and what.

Todd:

So, one of the language games that we played in the.

Todd:

In these crossfit gyms, everybody.

Todd:

I'm Mark.

Todd:

Thanks for coming.

Todd:

Write this sentence down.

Todd:

How can I ever make this lift?

Todd:

And they'd write it down, how can I ever make this lift?

Todd:

And I'd go, raise your hand.

Todd:

If that created some feeling in you, most people would.

Todd:

And I'm like, what's the feeling?

Todd:

Oh, and the other, hey, what's the feeling?

Todd:

And, hey, what's that feeling?

Todd:

Oh, well, you know, it's a.

Todd:

I don't know if I can.

Todd:

And then.

Todd:

And I'm like, okay, cool.

Todd:

Take your magic wand and scratch out one word.

Todd:

Scratch out the word ever.

Todd:

How can I make this lift?

Todd:

So how can I ever make this lift?

Todd:

And most people, when they have that word in the sentence, they're going to inflect on that, spike the drama, turn a perfectly good question into a statement of, this is going to be hard if, or, or I can't do this.

Todd:

Pull that word.

Todd:

One word, four letters.

Todd:

How can I make this lift?

Todd:

Now you've got a real question.

Todd:

Now you've got a real question.

Todd:

Or a less emotionalized question.

Todd:

Carol Dweck would approve of this fixed mindset.

Todd:

Growth mindset.

Mark Englund:

Yep.

Todd:

If someone's got a fixed mindset, that means they got a fixed language.

Todd:

This is just the way I am.

Todd:

That's a fixed.

Todd:

That's fixed language, which leads to a fixed mindset.

Todd:

Versus.

Todd:

This is.

Todd:

This is just the way I am thinking.

Todd:

So again, process versus outcome.

Todd:

Are you a verb?

Todd:

Are you a noun?

Todd:

You know, so, yeah.

Todd:

How do you change the story?

Todd:

Well, do you want to.

Todd:

And then second.

Todd:

Cool.

Todd:

Right.

Todd:

You can't.

Todd:

Well, you can.

Mark Englund:

So one of the things that I.

Mark Englund:

That you talk about a lot is the.

Mark Englund:

The soft words.

Mark Englund:

And I loved me.

Mark Englund:

And Megan actually talked about this last week on the podcast.

Mark Englund:

Yeah, exactly.

Mark Englund:

Soft talk.

Mark Englund:

Yes.

Mark Englund:

Megan talked a little bit about this last time, and it was the example that she gave was kind of around how you make.

Mark Englund:

You make yourself appear to be wishy washy when you use soft language.

Mark Englund:

But I really enjoyed hearing on one of your podcasts how you talked about it.

Mark Englund:

It gets you stuck in indecision.

Todd:

Oh, dude.

Mark Englund:

And so I love that.

Mark Englund:

And I really want to hear you talk about that, because that's something that there's obviously things you're supposed to be looking out for.

Mark Englund:

Yes, yes.

Mark Englund:

Go ahead and talk about what.

Mark Englund:

What is soft talk and how is it getting people stuck?

Todd:

This is.

Todd:

So to bring it back to demystifying or simplifying and then gamifying soft talk, there are four pillars to conflict.

Todd:

Language, which is enlifted's description of the thought patterns that the victim mentality has to have.

Todd:

Thought processes, the victim mentality has to have.

Todd:

There's four of them.

Todd:

Negations, projections, soft talk.

Todd:

Dramatics and soft talk.

Todd:

Out of all of them, the last one we recommend exploring are projections because that's where usually speaking, that's the highest emotional charge, also known as that's the strongest stress response that's the tightest the breath gets.

Todd:

She never lets me live my life.

Todd:

And so that's.

Todd:

That's where people's attachment is the strongest.

Todd:

The easiest place to start the conversation is soft talk because there's a handful of words and they're easy to just pluck out.

Todd:

Maybe I'm drinking too much coffee.

Todd:

Pluck out the maybe.

Todd:

And now you have.

Todd:

It's a yes or a no.

Todd:

So you're not going to talk yourself into or out of something for the most part.

Todd:

By and cuz, cuz, guess what, folks?

Todd:

Sometimes you want to talk yourself into stuff.

Todd:

Sometimes you want to talk your end to self and stuff.

Todd:

Or at least you want to know how to talk yourself into stuff.

Todd:

I totally want to know how to talk myself into stuff.

Todd:

I want to figure out what I want to do and talk myself into doing it.

Todd:

Doctor rocket science.

Todd:

And.

Todd:

Yeah, and then.

Todd:

So most people have a black belt and talking themselves out of things.

Todd:

You didn't learn this in 10th grade english class or at least creating.

Todd:

It's indecision.

Todd:

Chronic indus.

Todd:

It's this.

Todd:

It's the.

Todd:

It's the 8th deadly sin.

Todd:

I mean, I talk about that.

Todd:

This is what we finish with in all those workshops.

Todd:

I did.

Todd:

Hey, raise your hand if you like.

Todd:

Prolonged bouts of indecision.

Todd:

No one ever raises their hand because that feels like shit.

Todd:

Yeah, it feels.

Todd:

It feels horrible.

Todd:

And Malmodia says, I prefer the fear of making the wrong decision to the terror of indecision.

Mark Englund:

Hmm.

Mark Englund:

Yeah, you can say that again.

Todd:

I prefer the fear of making the wrong decision to the terror of indecision.

Mark Englund:

Yes.

Todd:

And it is terrifying if you take it far enough, because this is the power of identity, for better and for worse, if someone practices indecision, if they've got a lot of.

Todd:

Rattle these off, I'll do it like this.

Mark Englund:

Yeah, that looks good.

Todd:

Probably, perhaps feels like.

Todd:

Guess maybe could.

Todd:

Might possibly sort of, kind of.

Todd:

Potentially, hopefully try.

Todd:

One day, I'm going to make something happen versus today should.

Todd:

Almost like.

Todd:

It's almost like I'm procrastinating.

Todd:

If you use these words, you're.

Todd:

It's going to be real hard.

Todd:

That's an understatement to make a decision to be decisive.

Todd:

And if you do that for long enough, then eventually you're going to identify yourself as an indecisive person.

Todd:

And when someone does that, it's like when kids identify themselves as a musician.

Todd:

They're there.

Todd:

They get.

Todd:

They.

Todd:

They just.

Todd:

Their.

Todd:

Their ability to play goes through the roof.

Todd:

Teddy Atlas said this.

Todd:

He's one of the best boxing coaches and analysts ever.

Todd:

He said champions get 30% better overnight by winning the belt because they now identify themselves as a champion.

Todd:

And that.

Todd:

That little thing goes both ways.

Todd:

So if someone identifies themselves as a loser, they're just.

Todd:

They just got 30% better at being a loser.

Mark Englund:

Oh, man.

Todd:

Or if someone identifies themselves as punctual, they just got 31st.

Todd:

30% better at being punctual.

Todd:

And most people are not paying attention.

Todd:

They're not thinking about their thinking.

Todd:

They're just thinking there's a difference.

Todd:

And so that's.

Todd:

Yeah.

Todd:

The two things we teach, creation awareness and creation awareness of the words, and then, hey, here's the words.

Todd:

Create what you want.

Todd:

And we're Switzerland in the whole thing.

Todd:

If somebody wants to, you know, be a.

Todd:

Be a hot mess, dumpster fire, and that's their business.

Todd:

It's clean.

Todd:

It's clean.

Todd:

Yeah.

Todd:

And so why is soft talk.

Todd:

This is the gateway drug to the rest of your language, because all you got to do is pluck out a word or two until you have.

Todd:

And it'll happen the first time you do it, you have a feeling response to it.

Todd:

You know, I'm sort of avoiding the conversation.

Todd:

You take out sort of.

Todd:

I'm avoiding the conversation now.

Todd:

Now you got a yes or no answer.

Todd:

Am I doing it or am I not?

Todd:

And one of the reasons this is scary for people is because now that they've.

Todd:

Now they've got a yes or no answer, they got to do something about it.

Todd:

So this is how we.

Todd:

This is one of the main ways that people, and it's a fallacy, think they keep themselves safe by not making a decision.

Mark Englund:

Yeah.

Todd:

Because if I got to make a decision now, now I got to do something.

Todd:

And now, um, I'm going to find out whether I'm good enough or not.

Mark Englund:

Mmm.

Todd:

And so back to Patella phobia.

Todd:

This is if someone thinks and maybes and might's and sort of they do a pretty good job.

Todd:

Take out the pretty of never.

Todd:

Never finding out some.

Mark Englund:

Yeah.

Mark Englund:

Like, I should.

Mark Englund:

I should probably go back to school or one day I'll get into a career.

Mark Englund:

That's better.

Todd:

Exactly.

Todd:

Fellas.

Todd:

Go up to a girl and go, I think I might want to maybe take you out on a date one day.

Todd:

See how that goes.

Todd:

See how that goes.

Todd:

Yeah.

Todd:

So that's.

Todd:

That's, um.

Todd:

We talk about this a lot.

Todd:

So, obviously, I've got a.

Todd:

I got.

Todd:

handed out thousands of these:

Mark Englund:

Yeah.

Mark Englund:

That's amazing.

Mark Englund:

Yeah.

Mark Englund:

I learned that in NLP as well about the word try.

Mark Englund:

But how try is used as a convincer in hypnosis.

Mark Englund:

Try to lift your foot off the ground.

Mark Englund:

And the harder you try, the more you'll find that you cannot lift your foot off the ground.

Mark Englund:

And that word try is used there to literally convince people that they can't do something.

Mark Englund:

And it's crazy.

Mark Englund:

And so it's like, I'll try to do this, I'll try to do that.

Mark Englund:

And try convinces a great amount of effort without actually making any progress doing something.

Todd:

I didn't learn about that in 9th grade English class.

Mark Englund:

I had.

Todd:

I learned about past participles.

Mark Englund:

Right.

Mark Englund:

So I have a question.

Mark Englund:

When I took my NLP course, we learned something called a personal breakthrough session.

Mark Englund:

And people tell you their story and you write down as much as you can, you type out as much as you can to get it out, to get their story on paper.

Mark Englund:

And then you go through and you find the limiting beliefs and you find the language things that they're using, the language patterns.

Mark Englund:

And so I was just kind of curious in my own mind, how might that differ than someone writing out their own story?

Todd:

I'd rather have it in their words.

Todd:

Why include an extra filter?

Mark Englund:

Yeah.

Mark Englund:

So, I mean, you're already using their.

Mark Englund:

Whereas I was on a coaching call with somebody and they were telling me their story and I was writing it down.

Mark Englund:

Would it be potentially more powerful for them, like I said, to pick up that 600 pound pen and to actually write it out?

Mark Englund:

Because you said it's slowing down the story, which I think is very powerful.

Mark Englund:

And so I was kind of curious if, in your own opinion, you took a different NLP course than me, you potentially learned different things than me.

Mark Englund:

I don't know what Richard Banler teaches.

Mark Englund:

I do have his book transformations.

Mark Englund:

I've read that.

Mark Englund:

But I don't know how that might differ than just listening to someone tell their story and writing it down versus having them pick up the pen, write out their story.

Todd:

Yeah.

Todd:

Well, again, it's going to be their words verbatim.

Todd:

I don't want my interpretation of their story.

Todd:

I want their story and I want them to participate in the changing of it.

Mark Englund:

And, and so if someone's at home.

Todd:

Right now, it'll be better for them to write it out.

Mark Englund:

So if someone's at home right now and they're writing out their story, they're writing out their story of why they haven't gone after a new career, why they haven't been able to lose weight.

Mark Englund:

Whatever it may be, whatever they're struggling with, it's usually like the stuck and suck I heard Megan talk about last week, right.

Mark Englund:

And so they're writing out the stuck.

Todd:

And how'd you meet her, by the way?

Todd:

She's great.

Mark Englund:

So we did the same certification called mental performance mastery.

Mark Englund:

And then I've just been on a mission to find anybody doing anything similar to what I was thinking about doing.

Mark Englund:

I was thinking about doing these one on one sessions with people, mental performance coaching.

Mark Englund:

And so I've been very curious, like, who the hell is doing what I want to be doing in the world?

Mark Englund:

And are they happy?

Mark Englund:

You know, are they happy doing what they want to be doing and trying to figure out which lane where I want to find myself in?

Mark Englund:

And so, throughout these conversations, I found myself really actually just enjoying these conversations and learning from these type of people.

Mark Englund:

And I was like, shit, I'm just going to make a podcast around this.

Mark Englund:

I'm just going to start learning from these type of people.

Mark Englund:

So I reached out to her, asked her if she'd be on the podcast, and she said, absolutely.

Todd:

Genius.

Todd:

Oh, dude, you'll learn.

Todd:

Yeah.

Todd:

You learn everything that way.

Mark Englund:

Yeah.

Mark Englund:

So just talking to mental performance coaches or psychologists or anybody who's really high up in the coaching does things a little bit differently, looks.

Mark Englund:

Looks at the world a little bit differently, thinks bigger, you know, and understands how the mind is generally the thing that's holding us back, not the tactics, not the strategies, not the productivity calendars, not the.

Mark Englund:

All this stuff.

Mark Englund:

It's all valuable, but it's not the thing that's usually holding people back.

Mark Englund:

And so I think that that's valuable whether you're an entrepreneur, whether you're an athlete, whether you're a Joe schmo, you know, trying to improve your life like that is something that everybody needs to realize, is that it's the mind, but the mind is the mindset, as you said, is the story you're telling yourself.

Mark Englund:

And so when we start creating that awareness, obviously, step one is creating that awareness.

Mark Englund:

How do we become aware that we're not actually the story?

Mark Englund:

It's a story we're telling, and we can start to change some of those words, you know?

Mark Englund:

So that's.

Mark Englund:

That's why I wanted to talk to someone like you that really, really understands the power of the language we're using.

Mark Englund:

And we're going around, we're telling our story.

Mark Englund:

And I hate the fact that people will go around and gossip and.

Mark Englund:

And people love sharing.

Mark Englund:

Oh, this happened to me today, and this happened to me today, and this is what I'm dealing with.

Mark Englund:

And, and then someone else tells their bad story, and then everyone just kind of trauma bonds, as you were saying, it's a victim, and it's just, it's got the worst, so it's so damaging.

Mark Englund:

Yeah.

Mark Englund:

And I hate doing that.

Mark Englund:

And so I am usually one of those people that's the opposite influence.

Mark Englund:

Someone starts telling me their story, and I start flipping on its head the best that I can, I start finding those language patterns, you know?

Mark Englund:

Oh, man, I had such a hard time.

Mark Englund:

I'm like, oh, so you learned a lot.

Mark Englund:

You know, I'm.

Todd:

I bet you've had mixed bag results from that.

Todd:

Not results, mixed bag.

Todd:

Some people are gonna really like that.

Todd:

Some people are really not gonna like that.

Mark Englund:

Yeah.

Todd:

You to believe them.

Todd:

Some people want you to validate.

Todd:

They're stuck and suck.

Mark Englund:

And so if someone's at home and they're writing down, they're stuck and suck.

Mark Englund:

They're looking for soft words.

Mark Englund:

They're looking to create awareness, create some space around the story.

Mark Englund:

They're looking to put a little bit of breath between the story, between words that they're saying, potentially.

Mark Englund:

Is there anything else?

Mark Englund:

That's like, once I've written down my story, what am I.

Mark Englund:

What am I looking for to start making changes to that story?

Todd:

Well, you already have since you've written it down, because you're gonna get more detail in writing the story than you are thinking about it or telling it, which is the same reason why I want them to write the story down instead of them talking and me writing it down.

Todd:

Here's why.

Todd:

We think faster than we can speak, and we speak faster than we can write.

Todd:

And so by someone writing slows the story down majorly.

Todd:

And so what happens when the story is slow down?

Todd:

You get more detail, and very frequently that the act of doing that, and it's way more organized.

Todd:

Story kept in the head, disorganized story written down, way more organized.

Todd:

And so you've externalized it, you've slowed it down, you've organized.

Todd:

That's a big deal.

Todd:

That's step one.

Todd:

Step two, read it.

Todd:

It's going to be different than you telling it and whatever you feel.

Todd:

Great.

Todd:

All right.

Todd:

Answers feel like shit.

Todd:

Awesome.

Todd:

Feel a little bit hurt.

Todd:

Fantastic.

Todd:

Not much at all.

Todd:

Wonderful.

Todd:

Step three, same story.

Todd:

Read that same story.

Todd:

Slow.

Todd:

We've run all the, all the split tests.

Todd:

It's 30%, 30% slower than your normal rate of speech.

Todd:

And so 70% of your normal rate of speech.

Todd:

When someone slows down their rate of speech, it's the difference.

Todd:

So a story kept in the head, that's basically a sprint.

Todd:

Okay?

Todd:

And we've all sprinted before.

Todd:

And when we sprint, field of vision goes like this.

Todd:

We get myopic breath trapped in the chest.

Todd:

Myopic, we go on a stroll, a slow walk.

Todd:

So the mechanics of walking and running apply to the mechanics of story as far as rate of speech and speed goes.

Todd:

So someone goes on a slow stroll and you can observe this.

Todd:

Don't, don't believe me.

Todd:

Test it out.

Todd:

It'll take all of six minutes.

Todd:

Go on a slow walk and watch what happens.

Todd:

You zoom out and then step four is that same slow, same story, slow read and at the end of each sentence, and then read the next sentence.

Todd:

And then.

Todd:

And keep going until you're through.

Todd:

And what's, what's going to happen with no prompts?

Todd:

It's not, it's not like I have to tell them.

Todd:

Okay, now make the picture zoom out, breath in the chest, picture.

Todd:

Breath traps story in the head, breath trapped in the chest, picture in your face.

Todd:

That's the mechanics of this thing.

Todd:

Story written down and aired out.

Todd:

As the breath descends down, the picture zooms out and you go from participant to observer.

Todd:

And that's a really big deal.

Todd:

That's a really big deal.

Todd:

Really big deal.

Todd:

We had someone in, in our workshop two years ago.

Todd:

Well, it's not, it wasn't our workshop.

Todd:

It was our annual event.

Todd:

We're not an events company.

Todd:

We put one together.

Todd:

I think I talked about this earlier.

Todd:

First, we like getting everybody together.

Todd:

And two years ago it was at on it in Austin, and ours this year is also it, on it in Austin, where we're, we're friends with them.

Todd:

Anyway, two years ago, I worked with four people.

Todd:

The first woman, she, she had a story of her first night of school.

Todd:

In first grade.

Todd:

She had her first panic attack because she thought that she had to get every answer right or else her parents wouldn't love her.

Todd:

So this seven year old girl having to freak out in the middle of the night, and she stayed puckered up all through school, got straight a's, but it, the story kept going into her life and she was just, she was a super anxious perfectionist, didn't like it, and so she wrote the story that did that exact.

Todd:

Those four steps.

Todd:

It's not rocket science at all.

Todd:

It's the most simple, basic thing.

Todd:

Words and breath.

Todd:

People don't write down their scary stories.

Todd:

They don't slow down their rate of speech when they're telling them and they don't get the breath in between a sentence.

Todd:

Breathtrap.

Todd:

Breath trapped in the chest.

Todd:

The picture is, the thing is locked down, like, good.

Todd:

And then she had a something happen and I asked her, what, what's, what's the story like for you now?

Todd:

And she goes, well, it's the difference between watching a scary movie and being, is the difference between being in a horror story and watching it.

Todd:

Horror story.

Todd:

And that's a big difference.

Todd:

That's a big difference.

Mark Englund:

Yeah.

Todd:

That's all you need to do.

Todd:

So here in this, this is an important rant.

Todd:

Does someone need to have a perfect mindset before they can go out and crush shit?

Todd:

No, not at all.

Todd:

Just turn the volume down on it.

Todd:

Turn the volume down on it.

Todd:

Okay.

Todd:

And that's easy to do.

Todd:

Turn the volume down on those stories.

Todd:

Smile more and breathe better.

Todd:

People can solve half of their problems with more smiling and better breathing and that shit's free.

Mark Englund:

That's crazy.

Mark Englund:

And I honestly love this whole philosophy as well because I took, when I took my NLP course, and I've told this story before, I was fully ready to be a practitioner.

Mark Englund:

I was fully ready to help people, to get into the work, to take the clients.

Mark Englund:

I was not ready to be the client.

Mark Englund:

Very similar to you.

Mark Englund:

You're like, I just left.

Mark Englund:

You know what I mean?

Mark Englund:

So when it was my turn, it's like, okay, let's talk about the limiting beliefs of another person.

Mark Englund:

I'm like, cool, tell me your story.

Mark Englund:

Tell me what your limiting beliefs.

Mark Englund:

Writing it out, working on it, whatever, you know, give them whatever advice we've been given to give them.

Mark Englund:

And then it's like, okay, now it's your turn.

Mark Englund:

And I'm like, oh, God, like, I don't, I don't know.

Mark Englund:

I have to, like, on the spot, say what my limiting beliefs are.

Mark Englund:

Or they're like, or they're like, quiet your mind and what comes up in your subconscious.

Mark Englund:

I'm like, I'm not connected to that at all.

Mark Englund:

Like, I can't quiet any, like, nothing comes up, fear comes up, wanting to leave comes up.

Mark Englund:

You know what I mean?

Mark Englund:

And so for me, the idea of this, you know, personal breakthrough sessions that we kind of learned was, was very, as a turn off, because it's like, if I'm going to be coaching men, primarily men, and they have a story, but they don't necessarily want to share their story.

Mark Englund:

They don't want to get into the emotions behind it.

Mark Englund:

And so I think it's so much more powerful to teach someone a method where on their own, on their own, they could sit at home and they could write this out on their own.

Mark Englund:

They could sit at home and read it to themselves on their own.

Mark Englund:

They could put some breath between it.

Mark Englund:

On their own, they can pull that paper away from their face and create some space and get themselves out of the horror story and into the being the observer.

Mark Englund:

Being like, in a roller coaster where you know you're safe, you're not in something scared.

Mark Englund:

You know, it's like, I love.

Mark Englund:

I love it.

Mark Englund:

I think everyone loves experiences like that where, like, I know that this is scary, but I know that I'm ultimately safe.

Mark Englund:

And I think a lot of people are struggling to find that feeling of safety for themselves.

Mark Englund:

And so along with the word of, you know, creating space, I picture safety.

Mark Englund:

I picture solitude, I picture just security, knowing that, like, okay, everything is going to be okay.

Mark Englund:

And then I can carry myself like that into the world, knowing that I'm okay now.

Mark Englund:

And so this, to me, seems super powerful.

Todd:

It's super simple, dude, it's dude, it's comically simple.

Todd:

And, and you know how you run it with people virtually, let's say, so someone wants to do a session now you run it virtually.

Todd:

You get on a Google Doc.

Todd:

Get on a Google Doc.

Todd:

They have access to the Google Doc.

Todd:

You have access to the Google Doc.

Todd:

Zoom, call, hit, share screen.

Todd:

They're on the Google Doc.

Todd:

You're on the Google Doc at the same time.

Todd:

And they can type on it.

Todd:

You can type on it.

Todd:

Doesn't matter where you are in the world.

Todd:

And they can write their stories down and you can watch the words.

Todd:

And they can watch the words.

Todd:

You can go in there and pluck out a maybe or soft talk or flip a projection and they're watching it real time, dude, it's slick.

Mark Englund:

Wow.

Mark Englund:

Super slick.

Todd:

Super slick.

Todd:

That's how we run all of our enlifted sessions.

Todd:

If I'm in the same room with someone and we've got two laptops, we're on two laptops.

Mark Englund:

Nice.

Mark Englund:

So what would be the example of a projection?

Mark Englund:

We talked about soft talk would be the example of a projection.

Todd:

You are in my way.

Todd:

He never lets me think for myself.

Todd:

Here's one of my personal favorites.

Todd:

Look at what you made me do.

Todd:

Look at what you made me do.

Todd:

That's going to create they.

Todd:

I just made them the villain and I'm the victim and I'm absolved for any personal responsibility.

Todd:

Some people are so addicted to that shit.

Todd:

So addicted to that shit.

Todd:

And so what do you do?

Todd:

You.

Todd:

If you.

Todd:

Only if you want to, it's your business.

Todd:

Honestly, take this the right way.

Todd:

Take this the wrong way.

Todd:

I don't care.

Todd:

I don't care what you do with your story, because I don't want to care what you do with your story.

Todd:

Okay?

Todd:

Like I said, it's clean.

Todd:

We're Switzerland in coaching sessions.

Todd:

If somebody goes, no, you know, I'm not ready to let that go, I go, great.

Todd:

I don't want you to let it go, either.

Todd:

If somebody's got a story and they want to go in there, I'll go in there.

Todd:

I'm fearless.

Todd:

If somebody has a story and they don't want to go in there, you couldn't pay me a million dollars to go in there.

Todd:

And I'm serious.

Todd:

I wouldn't.

Todd:

I wouldn't go in there for any amount of money because that would fuck things up on a metaphysical level.

Todd:

Yeah.

Todd:

And so, like, I don't.

Todd:

I, you know, you really should deal with that.

Todd:

Blah, blah, blah.

Todd:

Who do you think you are, saying that?

Todd:

How do you know that?

Todd:

You don't know that?

Todd:

Why do you.

Todd:

Why would you want to know that?

Todd:

So anyway, if someone wants to dismantle this thing, learn, learn.

Todd:

Learn the magic words that keep people trapped in the victim mentality.

Todd:

In a, in a, in a.

Todd:

And the.

Todd:

Yeah.

Todd:

Projections are the.

Todd:

That's the, that's the.

Todd:

Those things are tough.

Todd:

And the projection keywords are.

Todd:

He, she, they.

Todd:

People's first names.

Todd:

You, mom, dad, those are the.

Todd:

That's all you need.

Todd:

That's all you need.

Todd:

And we call it like I, you know, cools, an opinion.

Todd:

I think it's cool when I'm able to go.

Todd:

Yeah.

Todd:

Yeah.

Mark Englund:

Hmm.

Todd:

Wow.

Todd:

And I just saved my entire weekend.

Todd:

Okay.

Todd:

Because sometimes, you know, it's like you never do anything around the house.

Todd:

What if they do sometimes do things around the house?

Todd:

I just started war.

Todd:

Like, whoops, but we were supposed to have such a fun vacation together.

Todd:

Well, you never listened to me.

Todd:

It's like, okay, here's another way of saying it.

Todd:

Pay attention to what words.

Todd:

When you can be a third party, neutral observer.

Todd:

Pay attention to what words people use when they argue.

Mark Englund:

Yeah.

Mark Englund:

The generalizations, distortions.

Mark Englund:

Yeah, we.

Mark Englund:

I learned that, too.

Mark Englund:

It's powerful.

Todd:

And necessary if someone wants to stay focused on what's important to them.

Todd:

What's.

Todd:

I mean, what's more distracting than a story?

Todd:

What.

Todd:

What.

Todd:

What gets people.

Todd:

What breaks people's focus faster than a story, you know, a story about something else, someone else, a wrong.

Todd:

Someone wrong.

Todd:

To me, it's like how.

Todd:

It's just so weird to think about how much time.

Todd:

How much time do we.

Todd:

Do I spend, because I'm not investing it.

Todd:

I'm spending time, my time doing that shit.

Todd:

It's like, I mean, I've got my moments.

Todd:

That's cool.

Todd:

But.

Todd:

And I know.

Todd:

I know what, I know what.

Todd:

I listen to my.

Todd:

The words in my head.

Todd:

I pay attention to those sounds that come out of my face.

Todd:

I pay attention to what words I'm writing.

Todd:

Like.

Todd:

I have a.

Todd:

I have a psychological and emotional immune system.

Todd:

Most people do not.

Todd:

Another way of saying it is if we want to get all Alan Watts about it.

Todd:

And I love when we learn to think about our thinking, we become alive in a new way.

Todd:

Most people are not thinking about their thinking, they're just thinking.

Todd:

And there's a difference.

Todd:

It's the.

Todd:

I don't know if it is or not.

Todd:

And if God came down and said, thinking about your thinking is the ultimate awareness practice, I'd go, make sense to me.

Mark Englund:

Yeah.

Todd:

What else is there?

Todd:

I mean, that's.

Todd:

You want to learn.

Todd:

You want to learn some very interesting things about yourself, think about your thinking.

Mark Englund:

Yeah.

Mark Englund:

So I don't feel like we fully touched on this.

Mark Englund:

And I want to get back to real quick.

Mark Englund:

You had your story about being a loser, and then you created an awareness around it, and then you created a new story, which was, what I was saying as part of the TED talk was that you are a process.

Mark Englund:

So what, what was, what is maybe now still the new story?

Mark Englund:

Because, I mean, a lot of people at home, if they're trying this exercise, all they're simply going to be able to do is create space.

Mark Englund:

And that's super powerful.

Mark Englund:

Like you said, that can take you very far.

Mark Englund:

But moving on to creating a new story, a new quote, unquote, identity, what did, what did that begin to look like for you?

Mark Englund:

Instead of being a failure, you are a what?

Todd:

Well, the way to do it is celebrate wins.

Todd:

One of the ways to do it is to celebrate wins.

Todd:

What am I?

Todd:

I go back and forth is what I'm going to be professionally for the next 33 years.

Todd:

I'm not sure which one's more important, and I don't need to know.

Todd:

I am.

Todd:

I am a teacher and I am an entertainer.

Todd:

Alan Watts said.

Todd:

He goes, I'm a teacher and I'm an entertainer.

Todd:

And before I'm a teacher, I'm an entertainer.

Todd:

I don't know which one he knows which one he is.

Todd:

I don't know which one I am, nor do I care, because they're.

Todd:

I mean, good luck separating the two.

Todd:

Show me a good teacher who's boring as hell anyway, right?

Todd:

That's what got me into wrestling.

Todd:

My Dick Overton, the science teacher, was cool, and he loved science, and I was like, oh, this is more interesting than last year's science teacher, who's, like, drinking lukewarm saltwater and.

Todd:

And he's like, hey, you should come out for wrestling.

Todd:

I liked him and his excitement.

Todd:

I was like, okay, wouldn't be here if I didn't do that.

Todd:

If someone.

Todd:

The fastest way that I know to help someone consciously build an identity that they are good enough.

Todd:

Okay.

Todd:

So I can back up and I'll answer that question directly.

Todd:

Before, I didn't think I was good enough.

Todd:

Now I know I'm good enough.

Todd:

I'm good enough to get on this podcast because I'm on this podcast.

Todd:

I'm good enough to be doing this stuff for 17 years.

Todd:

Because I've been doing this stuff for 17 years.

Todd:

I'm good enough to be the head coach of enlifted because I'm the head coach of enlifted, and I'm good enough to keep doing all those things, and that's all I need.

Todd:

Like I said, like, I'm good enough.

Todd:

I don't need to be great enough for the best.

Todd:

It's like, just good enough to get in the room and stay there until you get what you want.

Todd:

And the one of the fastest ways to do that is to celebrate wins.

Todd:

So people keep.

Todd:

What's.

Todd:

What does that mean?

Todd:

We're celebrate progress.

Todd:

People keep the scary stories in their head.

Todd:

People keep the good stuff in their head, too.

Todd:

They don't write that down.

Todd:

And oddly enough, you can for step both of those things.

Todd:

And what's going to happen with the scary stuff is picture in the face.

Todd:

As the breath unlocks, it zooms out.

Todd:

You go from participant to observer.

Todd:

That's a level one breakthrough.

Todd:

The pot, the good stuff.

Todd:

Oddly enough, it's way far away and not that meaningful.

Todd:

So we four step it.

Todd:

Same, same, no cues necessary time to bring the picture.

Todd:

It does it on its own.

Todd:

I don't understand it.

Todd:

I don't need to understand it.

Todd:

You force step the good stuff, and the picture gets closer, and you go from the observer to the participant.

Todd:

And so think about it like this.

Todd:

Most people wake up on the reg, the daily, and they put themselves on trial.

Todd:

It's like they've got a crazed prosecuting attorney in their head.

Todd:

Relentless, crazed prosecuting attorney in their head.

Todd:

That is, that is relentlessly presenting evidence.

Todd:

And a lot of times it's the same evidence in a case against themself.

Todd:

Remember when you did that?

Todd:

Remember when you fucked that up?

Todd:

Remember when she said this?

Todd:

Remember when that didn't work out and you're like, bro, you said all that yesterday.

Todd:

Doesn't matter.

Todd:

Today's a new day.

Todd:

And then, and then, so what you do is you want to, if you want to turn the volume down on that, go get those pieces of evidence, and there's going to be some sting involved.

Todd:

It's nothing compared to not doing it.

Todd:

Write them out, air them out, and just, and then, and then, so the other side of the street.

Todd:

And that's what, that's, that's the, that's the coaching progression, the enlisted coaching progression, because that's where most people walk into a coaching scenario from.

Todd:

Very rarely does a coach, a client book in for coaching package when the sun's out and everything's going well.

Todd:

No, they're stuck.

Todd:

They got a problem, they need some help.

Todd:

And then you start scratching the surface and you've got cleanup to do.

Todd:

Meet them where they're at, clean up the house, then throw the party.

Todd:

So the enlifted coaching progression, it's not law, but it's a good rule of thumb.

Todd:

Get them unstuck, celebrate wins, then goal setting.

Todd:

Okay?

Todd:

You want to make things hard for people?

Todd:

I've done.

Todd:

I've made all the mistakes.

Todd:

Have somebody walk in and they're all fucked up about something and go, okay, yeah, I understand you're really upset about that thing, but I'm gonna help you set some goals and hold you accountable.

Mark Englund:

I've done that, too.

Todd:

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Todd:

Then in my opinion, people, people in the coaching space need to have done that a few times because that's, that's how we learn.

Todd:

And then, so the opposite side, the other, like I said, prosecuting attorney.

Todd:

Yep.

Todd:

And then, then you go.

Todd:

Then if you're gonna hire, if you're gonna celebrate some wins, it's essentially like you're hiring a defending attorney and they're going and gathering evidence and presenting evidence in a case for yourself that you are good enough.

Todd:

Those stories aren't written down either.

Todd:

Remember when you did that?

Todd:

Right?

Todd:

Remember when she was there for you?

Todd:

Remember that worked out well.

Todd:

And when you knocked that out of the park and then, and you're like, oh, my gosh.

Todd:

Wait, no, I.

Todd:

Whoa.

Todd:

Huh?

Todd:

I am good enough.

Todd:

So not good enough to good enough.

Todd:

That's all you need.

Mark Englund:

And so when you were facing your failing professional fighting career, what were some of the wins that you had?

Mark Englund:

At the moment, none.

Todd:

I didn't get to celebrating the wins till I was talking about this on those lat, the last podcast, too.

Todd:

We're talking about drama bonding and trauma bonding in more detail.

Todd:

t know to celebrate wins till:

Todd:

I didn't know to celebrate my wins.

Todd:

I thought, and that's that because we were talking about rummaging.

Todd:

Rummaging in the enlifted method is when you just keep going into the trauma, you keep going into this.

Todd:

Oh, there's got to be something else there that's holding me back.

Todd:

I'm going to find that one thing and then pull that string, and then, then I'll be ready to go out there and do the thing and, and then when.

Todd:

So when a coach only knows how to.

Todd:

This was me for four and a half, five years.

Todd:

I only knew how to help somebody with a problem.

Todd:

Well, guess what?

Todd:

I needed them to have a problem.

Todd:

And if they booked in for a ten pack of sessions and it's call seven and everything's way better, and all I know to do is to work on problems, then we're gonna go rummaging for problems.

Todd:

That's mean, that's, that's me, that's, that's a, that's a, that's a sophisticated form of trauma bond.

Todd:

And most.

Todd:

And, and there's.

Todd:

So 3% of the population are psychopaths, really.

Todd:

It's called ponderology, the study of psychopathy.

Todd:

And so 97% of the people aren't.

Todd:

And so we'll just say that 97% of the therapists, coaches, psychologists, psychiatrists are perfectly well intended people.

Todd:

And I don't care how good someone's intentions are, if you don't have the tools to help them, if all you know is to do is to work on problems, then what are you going to do?

Todd:

You're going to find a problem or find something that's ish and then turn it into a problem.

Mark Englund:

I was asked that about modern day therapy.

Mark Englund:

Rummaging sounded a lot like the modern day therapy.

Mark Englund:

Obviously there's better therapists out there that know what they're doing, but I think a lot of it is getting people continually.

Mark Englund:

Yeah, exactly.

Mark Englund:

Psychotherapy.

Todd:

Yep.

Todd:

Talk yourself in circles.

Todd:

Therapy.

Todd:

And when it comes to journaling, a lot of journaling is circle journaling.

Todd:

Get it?

Mark Englund:

What does that mean?

Todd:

You're just writing about the same stuff over and over and over again without resolution.

Todd:

On an emotional level, circle journaling, the definition of circle journaling is writing the story out and allowing yourself to believe the words.

Todd:

Look, I've got it in writing, and a lot of times it's a generalization of a thing, and the people just leave the words there and that can go on and on and on.

Todd:

Okay, so I'm gonna barf my emotions onto a paper today, and I'm gonna do it tomorrow.

Todd:

I'm gonna do it tomorrow.

Todd:

I'm gonna do it.

Todd:

It's the equivalent of.

Todd:

That's why the breath is so important.

Todd:

Writing like that is the equivalent most of the time.

Todd:

Give myself some wiggle room.

Todd:

Most of the time is the equivalent of having a pot on a stove full of boiling water with a flame under it and a lid on it.

Todd:

And the lid's like this, and you go and just take the lid off, letting off some steam, and then you put the lid back on.

Todd:

Guess what's going to happen in 20 minutes or later.

Todd:

I'm a big fan.

Todd:

If you unlock the breath, you're turning off the flame.

Mark Englund:

And so is it that four step process that makes the big difference between something like circle journaling and story work?

Mark Englund:

It's the breath.

Mark Englund:

It's breathing between, it's creating that awareness as opposed to just writing it, chucking it off to the side, waking up the next day, writing it again.

Todd:

Yeah, it's, it's, it's, it's the swing boat.

Todd:

It's the swing boat.

Todd:

Getting the breath loosened up and getting the breath in there, because here's, here's the thing, the breath.

Todd:

The breath is, it's the bouncer and the door.

Todd:

If the breath is trapped in context to a story, whatever you want to come out as far as feelings and emotions, it's not coming out.

Todd:

And the good stuff that you want to bring in and feel more of, it's not coming in.

Todd:

It's why affirmations.

Todd:

It's why Stewart's this SNL skits.

Todd:

Stewart Smalley exists, and it's why affirmations got lots of fucked affirmations, and you need to repeat them for 108 days until it finally sinks into your subconscious mind.

Todd:

Oh, and by this crystal, too.

Todd:

No, if someone, it.

Todd:

So the enlifted definition of wishful thinking is good words plus breath trapped in the chest.

Todd:

If your breath is trapped in the chest, it's just going to be this mental exercise that you're not going to feel, and then eventually you're going to go, I don't feel it.

Todd:

And then somebody's going to go, you do it for 108 days.

Todd:

Seven if you rep your affirmations.

Todd:

And I'm not even talking about changing the words.

Todd:

Keep, just keep them as.

Todd:

Make it simple.

Todd:

Get, get a list of ten affirmations and say them every day for seven days with a breath in between each sentence.

Todd:

I'm gonna sound smart.

Todd:

Three different ways of saying the same thing.

Todd:

Socializing the idea, taking it to heart, embodying the concept.

Todd:

The breath lets the, lets the mind and the heart and the energy interact.

Todd:

If its trapped here, youre blocked.

Mark Englund:

And so what is the main, what is the main way of, I mean, where would you like their breath to be and how does that, how does it get there?

Todd:

Low and slow.

Todd:

Let's go with where do I want their breath to be?

Todd:

Where do I want our enlifted coach's breath to be when they're coaching?

Todd:

I want it to be low and slow.

Todd:

We talk about that from day one of level one to the end of whatever level someone's on because it's so important.

Todd:

That's how, that's how someone stays in observer mode and keeps themself from drama and trauma.

Todd:

Bonding, breathing low and slow and.

Todd:

Yeah, and then you get to observe, you get to observe things.

Todd:

Breath trap someone.

Todd:

If someone's breath is trapped in the chest and they start coaching and this thing gets emotional, guess what's going to happen?

Todd:

They're going to get, you're going to get.

Todd:

A lot's going to happen.

Todd:

One, your client is not going to get anywhere near the transformation that they could because you're now entangled their stuff and you're gonna get slimed like Ghostbusters.

Todd:

And I don't care if it's virtual or not.

Mark Englund:

And so someone at home doing this on their own, are you saying that the dress, the breath will become lower and slower as they create that space between the story in their head, to putting it on the paper, to breathing, to really kind of creating that awareness of what the story is.

Todd:

Step one and two is the setup.

Todd:

Step three and four is the follow through of a process in order to help people go from participant to observer.

Todd:

So not what the story is, because that's ultimately an opinion, whether you're observing it or you're in it.

Todd:

Most people, if they had their choice, they would be observing the story.

Todd:

Talk about negative stories as opposed to participating in it.

Todd:

Time doesn't apply to the emotional body and in some weird way, some part of us story in the head, breathtrap in the chest.

Todd:

People say we're, I'm reliving it.

Todd:

Well, you know what?

Todd:

You are on some weird metaphysical level, you're, you're, you're in there.

Todd:

The story is in you, and you're still in the story.

Mark Englund:

Do you have any other examples that you're willing to share of people having these breakthroughs?

Mark Englund:

I loved the story of the woman.

Mark Englund:

Do you have any other stories that come to mind of people really making a shift and then really seeing that breath release?

Mark Englund:

I mean, you've done over:

Mark Englund:

Hopefully you can think of one.

Todd:

The last interaction that I had at the last workshop that we gave this last week.

Todd:

So there was a guy, this is in Pennsylvania who, and he had never written any of this stuff down before.

Todd:

He was giving himself credit.

Todd:

And when you're writing everybody, it needs to be conversational writing.

Todd:

I didn't get this on the, on the table conversational.

Todd:

I don't make the rules.

Todd:

Everybody half sentences and bullet points don't cut it.

Todd:

It's not how we talk.

Todd:

It's not how stories have been told throughout history.

Todd:

It doesn't summon the magic.

Todd:

It doesn't work for a gratitude journal, doesn't work for goals ish.

Todd:

I mean, I'd rather have a half sentence written down than a full sentence in my head.

Todd:

That's the difference between a dream and a goal.

Todd:

Everybody.

Todd:

A dream, if you, if you're, whatever you want to do, is in your head.

Todd:

You do not have a goal.

Todd:

You've got a dream.

Todd:

It's not written down.

Todd:

Once it's written down, it's a goal.

Todd:

Guy wrote out conversationally.

Todd:

So conversational writing is writing as if you're telling the story.

Todd:

Full sentences and punctuation, the things that he had been doing well for the past year.

Todd:

And he talked about improvements that he made in his business, improvements that he made in his fitness, improvements that he made in his marriage, improvements that he made with some friends, improvements that he made with his kids.

Todd:

It was about eight, nine sentences.

Todd:

And guess what?

Todd:

He had never written that stuff down before.

Todd:

Why would I do that?

Todd:

Give myself credit for things?

Todd:

Are you nuts?

Todd:

And, and, and so step four.

Todd:

Steps four.

Todd:

Title it and wrote it out.

Todd:

And then he read it.

Todd:

He's like, okay, I've never done that before.

Todd:

Do something different.

Todd:

Get something different.

Todd:

And then he read it slow, 30% slower.

Todd:

So 70% of his normal rate of speech, his breath loosened up.

Todd:

He's like, it's becoming more real to me.

Todd:

Take out real, put in meaningful.

Todd:

That's what he was saying.

Todd:

And then he got the breath in there.

Todd:

So step four.

Todd:

He read it slow, with breath, and it sunk in.

Todd:

He was able to socialize these ideas, these facts about himself in a much more real way, a feeling way, as opposed to a thought way over there, because that's where the good shit stays.

Todd:

It's in the head.

Todd:

It's over there.

Todd:

Over there.

Todd:

Not that meaningful.

Todd:

Let's make it more meaningful.

Todd:

Oh, take out the put in you.

Todd:

Let's make you more meaningful to see.

Todd:

Yeah.

Mark Englund:

Yeah.

Todd:

He.

Todd:

And he walked out of there.

Todd:

I mean, there's a.

Todd:

There's a.

Todd:

There's a.

Todd:

There's a.

Todd:

There's a handshake and a look that a man will give you when you've helped him help himself.

Todd:

I was like, crunch gave him the nod.

Todd:

Or how about.

Todd:

How about the.

Todd:

The progress the guy made from another workshop about his.

Todd:

His drinking.

Todd:

Hadn't drank in 18 months.

Todd:

You ever written that story down before?

Todd:

No.

Todd:

He wrote down what he had done.

Todd:

Why did he done it?

Todd:

His wife was sitting right there.

Todd:

He'd never written it down, much less read it in front of a group.

Todd:

Made it way more real.

Todd:

He goes, I guess I am strong enough to not drink.

Todd:

Look at.

Todd:

Look at.

Todd:

That's exactly what he said.

Todd:

Look at what?

Todd:

Look at what he said.

Todd:

I guess I'm strong enough to not drink.

Todd:

Well, have you not drank in 18 months?

Todd:

Yeah.

Todd:

Well, then take out the guess, because you're not guessing about it, are you?

Todd:

That's facts.

Todd:

The breath unlocks.

Todd:

I'm strong enough to not drink.

Todd:

So if you're not drinking, negation.

Todd:

If you're not drinking, what are you?

Todd:

I'm sober.

Todd:

I'm strong enough to be sober.

Todd:

Take out two wooden.

Todd:

And I'm strong.

Todd:

And I'm sober.

Mark Englund:

Wow.

Todd:

His wife was giving him the eye, too.

Todd:

Like, good work, bro.

Mark Englund:

Wow.

Mark Englund:

See?

Mark Englund:

Yeah, I love those practical examples.

Mark Englund:

Yeah, it's crazy.

Todd:

Yeah.

Todd:

So much easier once the story is written down.

Todd:

Everybody make life easier on yourself, whether you're a coach or whether you're just somebody telling themselves stories, because that's everybody.

Mark Englund:

So I love the fact that you discussed that we don't learn any of this stuff, and I personally am getting my master's degree right now in sociology and education.

Mark Englund:

And so I'm curious if you have any thoughts at all about other than your enlifted coaching, other than training up more coaches to train more people, which is amazing.

Mark Englund:

Awesome.

Mark Englund:

How might people learn this?

Mark Englund:

How might we socialize people into this type of thinking on a larger scale?

Mark Englund:

How might we input this into schools or into the value systems of families?

Mark Englund:

And anything along those lines.

Mark Englund:

I know it's a big question, but I'm just curious.

Todd:

How do we turn playing the victim into something approximately cool as littering?

Todd:

Keep talking about it.

Todd:

Keep talking about it and help the people that want to learn learn about it and get a bag of popcorn and watch everybody else.

Mark Englund:

You've talked about mental.

Mark Englund:

Mental littering, right?

Mark Englund:

Mental litter.

Todd:

Not verbal litter.

Todd:

I've talked about verbal litter.

Mark Englund:

Okay.

Mark Englund:

That's a, that's what you call that.

Mark Englund:

Okay.

Mark Englund:

Yeah.

Todd:

Slang for soft talk.

Mark Englund:

So helping people to equate the victim mentality, victim mindset with something like littering or just.

Mark Englund:

Yeah, not, yes.

Todd:

What's cool about it?

Todd:

What.

Todd:

What's cool about it?

Todd:

And some people are, like, all about it in some circles.

Todd:

Microaggressions.

Todd:

You microaggressed me.

Todd:

What that does.

Todd:

Especially when people are getting positive feedback and attention.

Todd:

People do anything for attention.

Todd:

People do anything for attention.

Todd:

You're, you're flirting with disaster.

Todd:

Most people will never recover from those conversations or identities that they take on.

Todd:

It's like somebody misgenders you and you go nuts.

Todd:

Well, guess what you're gonna get, especially if you're a six foot four and broad shoulders and, and wearing a spaghetti strap dress.

Todd:

I've seen that.

Todd:

I've had it.

Todd:

I've seen it.

Mark Englund:

Yeah.

Todd:

And, and you're gonna get misgendered on the reg, bro.

Todd:

So you're.

Todd:

You're gonna let these, you're gonna let these people.

Todd:

It's an offense.

Todd:

I take offense to this.

Todd:

Offense is always taken.

Todd:

It's never given.

Todd:

I take offense to that.

Todd:

Stop taking it and, and stop training kids to be easily offendable.

Todd:

Most.

Todd:

Most are never gonna recover from that.

Todd:

That's sad as hell, because you're stealing their dreams.

Todd:

How can they go do epic shit like that?

Todd:

They can't.

Todd:

They can't.

Todd:

All they can do is burn shit down.

Mark Englund:

See, and that is why I loved your TED talk.

Mark Englund:

That right there.

Mark Englund:

I've got kids as well.

Mark Englund:

I don't think you have kids.

Mark Englund:

But the, the mindset of teaching kids that they don't need to identify themselves as a specific moment that happened.

Mark Englund:

My kid yesterday is drawing a picture and he's like, oh, this, this sucks.

Mark Englund:

I'm not good at this.

Mark Englund:

And we've, we've had these moments before, and we always reframe those moments as you're a creator working to create stuff that, it's about getting through that process of sucking to something better.

Mark Englund:

It's not identifying as someone who's not good at something you know, and so I think that's really powerful where people do create these identities versus.

Mark Englund:

I am a person in a process of improving.

Mark Englund:

I'm ever changing.

Todd:

Yeah, yeah.

Todd:

Verb renown.

Todd:

Fixed.

Todd:

Fixed mindset.

Todd:

Growth mindset.

Mark Englund:

Yes.

Todd:

And.

Todd:

And it comes down to the words like we've been talking about the whole time, which is where mindsets going.

Todd:

Most conversations about mindset, big picture, philosophical, clunky words and breath.

Todd:

Rubber meets the road.

Todd:

And then, then mindset become.

Todd:

Then mindset.

Todd:

The story that you tell yourself becomes practical as you can practice telling different stories to yourself and other people, and then it's so much more fun that way.

Todd:

So much more fun that way.

Mark Englund:

Do you ever coach?

Mark Englund:

This will be one of the last questions.

Mark Englund:

Do you ever coach athletes?

Mark Englund:

Do you ever have any specific examples with something that an athlete might be saying to themselves?

Mark Englund:

A story they might be telling themselves?

Todd:

I haven't coached externally in five years.

Todd:

It's every.

Todd:

Everything's been the certs teaching and certifying coaches.

Todd:

So I haven't had any.

Todd:

I haven't had a.

Todd:

I'll pick up my private practice once I'm done teaching the certs.

Todd:

And we've got.

Todd:

We've got a lot of 35 crossfit gym owners in our community, a bunch of coaches and a lot of people that coach.

Todd:

It wouldn't matter what it is.

Todd:

It's.

Todd:

The process is going to be the same.

Todd:

Oh, you got a big game coming up and you're shitting your pants.

Todd:

Cool.

Todd:

Let's get the story on paper and see what's underneath that.

Todd:

Okay.

Todd:

You know, a couple sessions like that and.

Todd:

Okay.

Todd:

Let's celebrate some wins.

Mark Englund:

That's perfect.

Todd:

It's the same.

Todd:

It's the same.

Mark Englund:

Yeah, that's what I was trying to point to.

Mark Englund:

Yeah.

Mark Englund:

It's like, whether you're working with athletes parents, weight loss, doesn't matter.

Mark Englund:

There's a story going on there.

Mark Englund:

Yeah, that's perfect.

Mark Englund:

That's perfect.

Mark Englund:

So where can they find you if people want to work with you if they're interested in enlisted coaching, becoming certified, coming to your one, any year event or anything like that?

Todd:

The certifications.

Todd:

Www dot enlifted.

Todd:

Dot me.

Todd:

That's our website.

Todd:

All the info you'll ever need about the certs, ignlifted coaches, and then our podcast, get enlifted.

Todd:

It's all about coaching for coaches, for coaches, by coaches.

Todd:

And we have more people that don't coach, that listen to us than do because we tell.

Todd:

It's very entertaining and tell stories and teach.

Todd:

We just were teaching.

Todd:

Okay.

Todd:

Because guess what?

Todd:

You can use the same stuff in coaching set.

Todd:

You can use this stuff in coaching sessions.

Todd:

You can go out and use the same stuff.

Todd:

I mean, not necessarily for stepping stories on a Google Doc, but, you know, take out some soft talk in your language when you're speaking to whoever at the gym.

Todd:

Watch what happens.

Todd:

Yeah, so there's that.

Todd:

Those three, those three things.

Todd:

Website, ig, podcast.

Mark Englund:

That's perfect.

Mark Englund:

That's perfect, dude.

Mark Englund:

I love.

Mark Englund:

I love the work you're doing, and I'm just.

Mark Englund:

Is there anything else that you want to mention while we're.

Mark Englund:

While we're on this?

Mark Englund:

Is there anything else you feel like you left out?

Mark Englund:

You feel like it's important for listeners.

Todd:

To know other than thanks for listening and thanks for having me on.

Mark Englund:

Absolutely.

Todd:

We got a lot on the table.

Mark Englund:

Yeah, it was a pleasure.

Todd:

Yeah.

Mark Englund:

Like, I'm very much looking forward I'm very much looking forward to seeing where.

Mark Englund:

Where it takes you to keeping an eye out for you, being done, for keeping an eye out for that thousandth podcast.

Mark Englund:

411, you said?

Mark Englund:

This is 411.

Todd:

This is 411.

Mark Englund:

That's crazy.

Mark Englund:

Almost halfway there, man.

Todd:

Almost halfway.

Mark Englund:

That's crazy.

Mark Englund:

That's crazy.

Mark Englund:

Well, thank you again for being here, man.

Mark Englund:

It's been.

Mark Englund:

It's been an honor.

Mark Englund:

It's been a pleasure all the way back from the beyond macros days to now getting you on my own podcast.

Mark Englund:

It's been.

Mark Englund:

It's been a long journey, and I'm very honestly, it's amazing pleasure to see someone so passionate about what they're doing.

Mark Englund:

So that's.

Mark Englund:

That's the biggest reason I love having you on.

Mark Englund:

For me, it's been the same thing.

Mark Englund:

The coaching, the mindset stuff, the NLP, the psychology, behavior change has just taken me hold, and I have not ever stopped, and I don't think I will ever stop.

Mark Englund:

And so meeting other people like yourselves is a pleasure for me.

Mark Englund:

So thank you again.

Todd:

My pleasure, Todd.

Todd:

Yeah.

Todd:

Very cool conversation.

Mark Englund:

Cool.

Mark Englund:

Will you take care?

Mark Englund:

Thanks for being here, man.

Mark Englund:

And thanks for everybody for listening as well.

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Evolving Potential

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Todd Smith