Episode 23

The Ultimate Mental Battle: Graham Betchart on Conquering Fear and Self-Doubt

Graham Betchart explores the profound impact of mental skills training on personal development and performance, emphasizing that true mastery lies not in avoiding mistakes but in embracing vulnerability and acceptance. With a background in sports psychology, Graham shares his journey from battling personal challenges to guiding elite athletes like Jaylen Brown and Aaron Gordon toward success. He highlights the importance of treating every experience as a training opportunity, advocating for a mindset that prioritizes presence and resilience over fear of failure. Through engaging anecdotes, he illustrates how competitive compassion can transform the way we approach our goals, both in sports and in life. This conversation invites listeners to rethink their definitions of success and encourages a deeper connection with themselves and others in an increasingly technological world.

Graham Betchart delves into the intricate world of mental skills coaching in elite sports, emphasizing the profound impact of mindset on performance. With over 25 years of experience, Betchart has worked with notable athletes in the NBA and NCAA, guiding them through the mental challenges they face on and off the court. He shares his journey of personal discovery, beginning with his struggles with anxiety and depression as a young athlete, which led him to seek help and ultimately explore the depths of sports psychology. This exploration has shaped his unique approach to coaching, where he teaches athletes to harness their mental strengths and face their fears head-on.

Betchart's philosophy centers around the concept of devotion— the commitment to daily practice and self-improvement. He encourages listeners to treat every day as an opportunity to engage with their goals, comparing the mental game to a physical workout where consistency is key. The conversation also touches on the importance of vulnerability in personal growth, as Betchart highlights the necessity of embracing discomfort to achieve true success. He draws parallels between athletic competition and life, illustrating how athletes can learn resilience and self-acceptance through their experiences on the court.

The episode culminates in Betchart's belief that the mental game is not just about winning championships but about unlocking one's potential. He proposes that through mindfulness, compassion, and awareness, individuals can cultivate a deeper understanding of themselves, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling life. This insightful discussion is a treasure trove for athletes and individuals alike who seek to elevate their mental game and navigate the complexities of modern life with a sense of agency and purpose.

Takeaways:

  • Graham emphasizes the importance of devotion in achieving goals, suggesting that true success requires daily practice and persistence.
  • He discusses how athletes face intense pressures that can accelerate their personal growth and development.
  • The key to overcoming self-doubt is to practice self-acceptance and awareness in challenging moments.
  • Graham highlights that results should not define self-worth, encouraging listeners to focus on the process instead.
  • The mental game is an everyday practice that helps individuals navigate life's challenges and uncertainties.
  • Ultimately, Graham believes that human connection and compassion are crucial for personal and professional growth.

Companies mentioned in this episode:

  • Sacramento Kings
  • Uconn Huskies
  • Dream Team
  • Train the Mind
Transcript
Graham Bechart:

You think this is hooey.

Graham Bechart:

This is coming at you full speed like a Mack truck.

Graham Bechart:

You're going to get decimated by stuff that's not even real.

Graham Bechart:

You will follow illusionary thoughts like you will be gone.

Graham Bechart:

In life, especially in the modern world, most of the stuff I'm teaching is addressing really, really deep stuff without them even knowing it.

Graham Bechart:

I'm in the business of human development, you know, I'm in the business of helping humans unlock themselves, unleash themselves and become unlimited.

Graham Bechart:

What's great about athletes is they face a certain amount of pressure that allows them to go through this rapidly.

Graham Bechart:

And all I'm talking about is like self doubt and worry, comparing yourself to others and thinking you're a numerical assessment or something.

Graham Bechart:

This is where the excitement is like, you know, if you have a thrill and you want to learn how to fight, you know, and you want to learn how to really compete, man, this is it.

Graham Bechart:

This is like this frontier will satisfy you on the deepest levels as you go into the darkness and face your fears.

Graham Bechart:

And it was just a fight against her own self.

Todd:

All right, welcome to the Evolving Potential podcast.

Todd:

This is episode number 23.

Todd:

Today I have on the show Graham Bechart.

Todd:

Graham is a mental skills coach who's renowned for his work in elite sports psychology and peak mindset training.

Todd:

In his 25 years or so, he's worked with the NBA and NCAA, including the Sacramento Kings and the Yukon Huskies, privately with stars such as Aaron Gordon and Jalen Brown, as well as CEOs, sales team surgeons and whoever else.

Todd:

He has a master's degree in sports psychology and has spent most of his life doing personal work and developing his passion for proactively teaching people mental skills.

Todd:

Some of his accomplishments with those clients, Jalen Brown, includes signing the biggest contract in the NBA history, Aaron Gordon winning the NBA Finals with the Denver Nuggets, the Kings breaking the longest drought in the North American sports history, and the Yukon Huskies winning back to back national championships.

Todd:

Graham is also a published author, accomplished speaker and independent recording artist and producer.

Todd:

His work makes mental skills practical, relatable and dare I say, simple.

Todd:

Not easy.

Todd:

Simple enough even to teach kids before issues are developing.

Todd:

I've personally learned a ton since doing research into Graham and it's been an absolute pleasure and honor to have him on the show.

Todd:

So thank you for being here, Graham.

Graham Bechart:

Man, it's my honor to be here.

Graham Bechart:

Todd, man, thank you for having me.

Graham Bechart:

I'm super humbled by all this and just like grateful to be a part man.

Graham Bechart:

Thank you.

Todd:

That's Dude, I like, I said honor to have you.

Todd:

I.

Todd:

I was telling you before we got on, he has some videos if you guys are interested.

Todd:

Back in the day, even.

Todd:

I think they're about five years old now, maybe.

Todd:

But it was with his company at the time called Train the Mind, and they made really cool videos, really practical.

Todd:

He was sitting with Aaron Gordon.

Todd:

They were doing breath work.

Todd:

He's talking about certain mental skills, and it just, like, really engaged me, and I was like, this guy knows what he's doing.

Todd:

And it's been really cool to watch his growth over the past couple of years, both mentally and as a teacher, as well as physically with this giant beard he's got.

Todd:

So I'm really happy to have him here.

Graham Bechart:

Yeah, right on, man.

Graham Bechart:

I mean, this.

Graham Bechart:

This journey never stops.

Graham Bechart:

We're just in it together, all of us, all human beings here.

Graham Bechart:

We're just, you know, walking on our path together.

Graham Bechart:

And, you know, the mental game, once you start to figure it out, it's an everyday practice.

Graham Bechart:

So I'm just practicing and teaching the stuff that I was taught decades ago.

Graham Bechart:

And what I'm good at is devoting myself to it.

Graham Bechart:

And if you stick with something and you practice every day, it is pretty amazing what happens.

Graham Bechart:

So anytime someone reads my resume, you know, I'm like, yep, that's real.

Graham Bechart:

Like, that.

Graham Bechart:

All that stuff is real.

Graham Bechart:

But more impressive is my resume of loss, which is a hundred times longer and way more powerful.

Graham Bechart:

And the reason you can say all those amazing things is because, actually, as you just go through the process of life, like, you're going to have all kinds of stuff that happens.

Graham Bechart:

I just.

Graham Bechart:

I never quit.

Graham Bechart:

And so devotion is the thing that I think is important for people, Todd, because I've noticed people are in a hurry.

Graham Bechart:

Or maybe you hear those results and you're like, oh, my God, like, I want to win a championship, or how do you know NBA?

Graham Bechart:

And you're like, I always tell people walk to win with lethal patients.

Graham Bechart:

You know, like, whatever you're doing right now, treat it as if.

Graham Bechart:

However you think you'll act when you get to whatever level you want to go to.

Graham Bechart:

Like, that's.

Graham Bechart:

That energy is here today.

Graham Bechart:

And I got that advice, and I just stuck with it and was like, I'm going to treat today like however I would treat.

Graham Bechart:

However I would think I'd be in the NBA or something like that.

Graham Bechart:

And then when you end up making it to the NBA, you just treat that like some regular day, you know what I mean?

Graham Bechart:

And it kind of.

Graham Bechart:

It kind of works.

Graham Bechart:

Like that, like, treat an average person like a pro.

Graham Bechart:

And once you start working with pros, just treat them like an average person.

Graham Bechart:

You know, it's like most time we do the opposite of that.

Graham Bechart:

And so I've just, like, the mental skills work.

Graham Bechart:

This stuff is real.

Graham Bechart:

It isn't fake.

Graham Bechart:

It isn't even like a belief system for me, this is how it is.

Graham Bechart:

It's just whether or not you want to do it or not.

Graham Bechart:

And I just.

Graham Bechart:

I'm just a good student, dude.

Graham Bechart:

I'm just a dude who's like, hey, I got taught this stuff in the 90s.

Graham Bechart:

I think that was a big.

Graham Bechart:

t in life, got taught this in:

Graham Bechart:

I just was like, okay, I'll do it every day.

Graham Bechart:

And then, you know, 20, whatever, 27 years later, you can read a resume like that.

Graham Bechart:

But really, it's a testament to, like, mental skills, to devotion.

Graham Bechart:

There's no overnight success.

Graham Bechart:

You know what I mean?

Graham Bechart:

Like, none of.

Graham Bechart:

It's all just like, this stuff all real.

Graham Bechart:

It's not magic.

Graham Bechart:

It's not hooey.

Graham Bechart:

It's not like some.

Graham Bechart:

Oh, my God.

Graham Bechart:

You're like, no, that's what's going to happen if you stick with something for a while.

Todd:

Yeah, that's crazy.

Graham Bechart:

Crazy results.

Todd:

Dude.

Todd:

So first of all, devotion is what's right there.

Graham Bechart:

Hey there.

Todd:

So I'm 100%.

Todd:

I'm 100% with you.

Todd:

Yeah, that's a word that I.

Todd:

That's a word that I was happily committed, you know, to put on myself and have there my whole life, you know, it's just so important to me.

Todd:

So I 100% resonate with that, you know, so what.

Todd:

What were some of the things that you were first learning?

Todd:

What were some of the.

Todd:

Potentially the books or the things that maybe.

Todd:

I don't know if you had a mentor at the time that was kind of, you know, showing you some of these things that were able to.

Todd:

To turn it around.

Todd:

And potentially what were you trying to overcome at that time as well?

Graham Bechart:

You know, just.

Graham Bechart:

, it was:

Graham Bechart:

I was playing at a junior college and just really anxious in life, going in and out of depression, like, just kind of going through it, you know, mentally, and couldn't really smile through it.

Graham Bechart:

I'm an optimistic guy, but I was like, I can't just push through this.

Graham Bechart:

And so I reached out for help.

Graham Bechart:

My mom introduced me to a counselor in San Francisco who was profoundly impactful in my life.

Graham Bechart:

And this really came from a Place of, like, spirituality and healing.

Graham Bechart:

I didn't know sports psychology was a thing.

Graham Bechart:

I didn't know any of that.

Graham Bechart:

I just went in there and started just working on healing as a human, you know, becoming whole.

Graham Bechart:

Language like that, like, learning how to become whole and do that stuff.

Graham Bechart:

And of course, that stuff is super powerful, you know.

Graham Bechart:

So I'm a teenager getting introduced to this stuff in the 90s, you know, and so, like, my heart was just opened from this stuff.

Graham Bechart:

And the woman who was teaching it to me was the most, deepest, most confident human I've ever seen in my life.

Graham Bechart:

A confidence beyond what we would consider confidence.

Graham Bechart:

Not like I'm confident.

Graham Bechart:

It was like, man, she's at a place of knowing, like, a different place, where all the stuff that was going on in my life she would just kind of giggle at and not giggle at, like, in a way of, like, insulting, but like a trainer giggling at you.

Graham Bechart:

And you're like, I can't do this set.

Graham Bechart:

And they're like, you got this problem.

Graham Bechart:

And they're like, the fact that they're laughing in the moment feel like it's all over.

Graham Bechart:

And they're just like, I've never seen radiance like that before.

Graham Bechart:

Like, I.

Graham Bechart:

Like, you're fine.

Graham Bechart:

Not like you can do it in a hard time, just giggling.

Graham Bechart:

And if you've ever experienced that, it'll set you free in a moment.

Graham Bechart:

There's a direct transmission that's going on in those moments that directly takes you to a space where they are.

Graham Bechart:

And when you come back from that, you have to do the work every day to figure out how they got there.

Graham Bechart:

And so when she introduced that to me, I was like, wherever you are, I want to figure out how to be there.

Graham Bechart:

And because you're not saying I'm in this special place.

Graham Bechart:

Just her energy in what looked like a crisis, she was giggling.

Graham Bechart:

And I was like, well, that if that's not the highest level, I don't know what the highest level is.

Graham Bechart:

And so that's what I got introduced to in the 90s.

Graham Bechart:

And then I found out about sports psychology three, four years later.

Graham Bechart:

And I was like, oh, that's a thing.

Graham Bechart:

Like, there's a profession you could get a degree in this stuff, you know?

Graham Bechart:

And so I went out and got my master's in sports psych.

Graham Bechart:

But that, you know, sports psych doesn't scratch the surface of the depth of where this goes.

Graham Bechart:

Sports psych was just my way of kind of like, oh, let's go learn it through athletes, teach it to athletes.

Graham Bechart:

Because I had to find a way to bring this to people in a realistic way.

Graham Bechart:

Or is your average teenager going to reach out and go do, like, healing work?

Graham Bechart:

Man, hell, no.

Graham Bechart:

Like that, you know?

Graham Bechart:

But I was like, I love sports, so let me go through sports.

Graham Bechart:

That's my way of laundering this stuff.

Graham Bechart:

You know what I mean?

Graham Bechart:

I was like, you want to win and be better at sports?

Graham Bechart:

We'll start teaching you some of this stuff, you know?

Graham Bechart:

And so that's.

Graham Bechart:

That's where I felt the calling, and that's why I wasn't phased with the stigma or that there were no jobs, or they were like, everyone's against this stuff.

Graham Bechart:

And for me, that's like someone saying they're against water and air.

Graham Bechart:

I would have genuine compassion because I was like, man, they are so lost.

Graham Bechart:

And it.

Graham Bechart:

None of that would faze me because it.

Graham Bechart:

Again, if someone was like, water is bad.

Graham Bechart:

You'd be like, damn, you got about three days before you die.

Graham Bechart:

You know, you'd kind of be like, all right, maybe I should drink water in front of them.

Graham Bechart:

Like, maybe I should start to model this stuff.

Graham Bechart:

And so that.

Graham Bechart:

That's how.

Graham Bechart:

That's how this whole thing started, was from that and just, you know, being anxious and depressed and just basic stuff we all go through.

Graham Bechart:

And I reached out and started to build, really build my mindset up and build it.

Graham Bechart:

And then what again, the whole thing is.

Graham Bechart:

It's an everyday practice.

Graham Bechart:

That's the.

Graham Bechart:

That's the part that's like, it's not one day you get done with it.

Graham Bechart:

It's like, I gotta do it today.

Graham Bechart:

Like, I gotta.

Graham Bechart:

When I woke up today, it's like, okay, let's work on being present today.

Graham Bechart:

Let's find our breath, let's observe thoughts.

Graham Bechart:

Let's recognize we are not our thoughts, we are not our feelings.

Graham Bechart:

You might experience all that, but that's not what you are.

Graham Bechart:

It's not close, you know, and just start to go through the process, you know?

Graham Bechart:

Like, I've been doing this work for a while, but it doesn't mean I just sit here in a state of no thought, total bliss, with my breath every second living, you know, like a mystic.

Graham Bechart:

I'm like, no, I'm here like a regular guy just doing this work.

Graham Bechart:

I have thoughts and feelings and all that stuff.

Graham Bechart:

And when I'm really good at it, I just observe the thoughts.

Graham Bechart:

If I'm not doing well, I might grab onto a thought, act on it.

Graham Bechart:

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Graham Bechart:

And then later on, you're like, what?

Graham Bechart:

Yeah, you know, and so you Know where it's just, it's a practice every day.

Graham Bechart:

That's kind of how I look at it.

Graham Bechart:

And that's how it got introduced to me.

Graham Bechart:

And then my first teacher was also like, this stuff is hardcore.

Graham Bechart:

So that's what a lot of people don't know.

Graham Bechart:

This ain't, this ain't soft at all.

Graham Bechart:

Like, this is really how to fight.

Graham Bechart:

Like, if you want to know how to fight, we can teach you how to fight.

Graham Bechart:

By the time you're fighting outside with your hands, you have lost so many fights.

Graham Bechart:

And I'm not talking about a sport like you're doing UFC or boxing.

Graham Bechart:

I'm talking about, like, if you haven't won the mental game inside and you're projecting violence outside, you have lost epically.

Todd:

Yeah, absolutely.

Graham Bechart:

Best way to win a war.

Graham Bechart:

Most people know this is never fight a war, right?

Graham Bechart:

They've heard that before.

Graham Bechart:

But then how do you never fight a war?

Graham Bechart:

You win the war inside, and to win the war inside, you gotta be well equipped with a certain skill set and certain tools that are very powerful, that if you don't look at it like a real fight, like, you're gonna be in trouble at times.

Graham Bechart:

And so I tend to phrase this stuff with a certain level of competitive flair that I found people are attracted to in this space.

Graham Bechart:

Right?

Graham Bechart:

Because it's not, oh, this is who am I?

Graham Bechart:

You think?

Graham Bechart:

This is who he.

Graham Bechart:

This is coming at you full speed like a Mack truck.

Graham Bechart:

And if you don't know the counters to all this stuff and sharpen your weapons and know the tools, and you're going to get decimated by stuff that's not even real.

Graham Bechart:

You will follow illusionary thoughts like, you will be gone in life if you don't have agency, especially in the modern world where everyone's being triggered every way from the outside.

Todd:

Yeah, yeah, yeah, dude, that's powerful.

Todd:

That's a powerful metaphor even.

Todd:

And so simple is like, how, how quickly it does come at you.

Todd:

Like you get out in a game, you get out in the real world, you get, you move beyond what college to MBA or whatever.

Todd:

It's like, it's, it's coming at you quick.

Todd:

You become a CEO, get a promotion, whatever.

Graham Bechart:

Hardcore.

Graham Bechart:

It comes at you in your most vulnerable moments and it comes at you with no mercy.

Graham Bechart:

And all I'm talking about is like self doubt and worry and comparing yourself to others and thinking you're a numerical assessment or something, or you're an a or an A plus or a 4.0 or you're the results like that stuff will come at you hard, and it'll come at you with gripping emotions.

Graham Bechart:

And that's what.

Graham Bechart:

That's what we mostly get caught up.

Graham Bechart:

And if you don't know how to fight in that moment and know the counters to all that, we can get drowned by that.

Graham Bechart:

And the funny thing is, the counters are love, awareness, compassion, acceptance, you know, like, an understanding of who you are.

Graham Bechart:

You still got to go through the experience of the feelings and stuff.

Graham Bechart:

If you have the tools, though, you know how to ride that wave.

Graham Bechart:

That's why I got surfboards behind me.

Graham Bechart:

It's just a reminder of like.

Graham Bechart:

And we say palms down, right?

Graham Bechart:

You can't ride it like this.

Graham Bechart:

We got to ride it choosing our response and knowing how to work through it.

Graham Bechart:

And if you have that competitive spirit and you know what we're doing in these moments, like, this is where the excitement is.

Graham Bechart:

Like, you know, if you have a thrill and you want to learn how to fight, you know, and you want to learn how to really compete, man, this is it.

Graham Bechart:

This is, like.

Graham Bechart:

This frontier will satisfy you on the deepest levels as you go into the darkness and face your fears and come out the other side with the light, and you're like, man, that was the greatest fight I've ever been in.

Graham Bechart:

And it was just a fight against your own self.

Graham Bechart:

You know what I mean?

Graham Bechart:

And as you.

Graham Bechart:

So as you keep freeing yourself and lean into the vulnerability, like getting some buckets, playing hoops or something like that, that's nothing.

Graham Bechart:

Like, that's.

Graham Bechart:

That's not even what this is.

Graham Bechart:

You know, most people come to me, and they.

Graham Bechart:

You know, they think it's sports, but as you get into it, sports is just a medium that you.

Graham Bechart:

That we have been chosen and called to display what we've been working on inside.

Graham Bechart:

And I just feel like I was called to music, I was called to sports.

Graham Bechart:

Like, these are the spaces I was called, what I enjoy.

Graham Bechart:

You know, I mean, I get called to business.

Graham Bechart:

I love business.

Graham Bechart:

I love sales.

Graham Bechart:

Like, I love that space.

Graham Bechart:

And all of this is a space for you just to free your spirit.

Graham Bechart:

Um, because what's great about athletes is they face a certain amount of pressure that allows them to go through this rapidly, where someone might spend most of their life avoiding doing this work because they can.

Graham Bechart:

They can just avoid it somehow.

Graham Bechart:

But, like, trying to avoid your shadow, it's never.

Graham Bechart:

It's all.

Graham Bechart:

It's.

Graham Bechart:

You can't shake it.

Graham Bechart:

But an athlete will be under the lights in a big moment, and by the time they're 25, I'm talking about pro athletes.

Graham Bechart:

They've gone through so much in, like, in hyperdrive.

Graham Bechart:

So they have an opportunity to really free themselves on a deep level energetically, because they're forced into it a lot of times.

Graham Bechart:

And so I just kind of look at it like whatever you love in life, that's the lever you need to put a force on you to show you how to lift weights in the mental game, you know what I mean?

Graham Bechart:

Whatever you're doing and you can't duck this stuff in this lifetime, there's nothing you can do to duck it.

Graham Bechart:

Like, you could make a bunch of money, you could get a bunch of outside of awards.

Graham Bechart:

There's nothing you can do to duck this work.

Graham Bechart:

And it's just like people, it's got going to the gym.

Graham Bechart:

Like, you can do everything you want to avoid going to the gym.

Graham Bechart:

Some way you have to move your body, you know what I mean?

Graham Bechart:

Like, it doesn't matter what it is, but you got to do it.

Graham Bechart:

So that's what I enjoy about this time a lot is it feels like people realize they can't run from this, and that's okay.

Graham Bechart:

That's like realizing, man, it's okay to do this.

Graham Bechart:

And then everything starts to get better.

Graham Bechart:

So I do feel a great thing in this time, along with being like, man, we are out of control with how we trigger people and how we use media and social media and, man, more kids are depressed than ever, like, all that stuff.

Graham Bechart:

But I also see it as like, if that's all happening, then we have the greatest opportunity to really fill people with the stuff.

Graham Bechart:

Because in great crisis comes great opportunity, and it's right here.

Graham Bechart:

You know, most people don't even get to this without a crisis.

Todd:

Yeah.

Graham Bechart:

It's just, why would I.

Graham Bechart:

Why would I go do it?

Graham Bechart:

You know?

Todd:

So anyway, that's such, that's such.

Todd:

No, that's such a powerful metaphor.

Todd:

Again, like, I mean, it just was a reframe, honestly, of thinking, like, okay, you know, I've got all this pressure on me, and so my life is so much harder.

Todd:

Yes, yes, sure.

Todd:

That's.

Todd:

That's an amazing challenge.

Todd:

You know, the idiom of pressure is a privilege, you know, and so really, really taking that seriously, I was like, wow, like, you, you have this opportunity, this great opportunity to learn and grow at a much faster rate than most of the world because of the immense pressure that's going to be put on you.

Todd:

Right.

Todd:

And, and, and we so as a society also have that same challenge to bring up people like ourselves.

Todd:

Like, you're doing out in the world to take on the challenge of yes, anxiety and overwhelm and burnout and all these different things that are peeking their head up with the culture of go, go, go, go, go and results driven.

Graham Bechart:

Right, man, no doubt.

Graham Bechart:

I mean, that's why I think this generation coming up is the strongest and greatest generation of all time.

Graham Bechart:

And it is our job to be in service to them.

Graham Bechart:

They get a bad rap of being like soft and in fact, to me it's the exact opposite.

Graham Bechart:

They're the strongest, the most tuned in, the most conscious, the most aware.

Graham Bechart:

They're not going to override bs.

Graham Bechart:

They're not going to push stuff down to follow a track.

Graham Bechart:

Like they have agency from within and they don't just follow blindly.

Graham Bechart:

And I think a lot of people that follow blindly perhaps look at them as lazy or like they're just not going to do the same stuff before.

Graham Bechart:

And I see them as looking for the mental game.

Graham Bechart:

They're looking for this skill set.

Graham Bechart:

They want to know how to tap into purpose and meaning and have the skill set to do that, to find that in their life every day.

Graham Bechart:

And they're gonna, they're gonna stand up for that.

Graham Bechart:

So I've, I've always felt called to this generation and from like 5 year olds up to like whatever, 25, like this group that's like here in the world, I see them as the enlightened group.

Graham Bechart:

And I'm like, it's our job and probably would have been my job the last 25 years to prepare for this, to make a language for them, to help them, to make it simple.

Graham Bechart:

I mean, I put in music now like everything I do is just like, how easy can we get it to people because they need it.

Graham Bechart:

And then the more people have agency and they develop this thing from within, you can't be swayed from the outside.

Graham Bechart:

As, as awful as it seems like people are being swayed in whatever way it is these days.

Graham Bechart:

And so it's like I see that as a real fight that because once you have agency, once you have a presence from inside, someone trying to trigger you is hilarious.

Graham Bechart:

You know what I mean?

Graham Bechart:

Because what's going on and you know how to diffuse it and you understand and you have all that.

Graham Bechart:

But if not, and you feel a strong feeling and say you're feeling angry now, but most of your life you've been feeling scared.

Graham Bechart:

Anger feels better than fear.

Graham Bechart:

And so if people can get to that emotion of anger, they're like, this is way better than feeling shame, guilt, fear or any of that.

Graham Bechart:

Stuff, and that happens all the time.

Graham Bechart:

And people operate from a place of anger.

Graham Bechart:

And of course that's a futile energy that plays out week over time.

Graham Bechart:

You know what I mean?

Graham Bechart:

You might be able to get something going for a day, maybe a year or something like that, but it doesn't play out well over time.

Graham Bechart:

And funny.

Graham Bechart:

Every athlete I've ever worked with, including myself and every, I'm like, hey, do you like it when somebody yells at you angry?

Graham Bechart:

Do you like being coached like that?

Graham Bechart:

And funny.

Graham Bechart:

Not a single person said yes.

Graham Bechart:

So surprisingly, none of us like to be spoken to like that.

Graham Bechart:

Not a single human being.

Graham Bechart:

So funny.

Graham Bechart:

Isn't that hilarious?

Graham Bechart:

But, and I'm not saying I haven't spoken out of anger.

Graham Bechart:

I'm, you know, I'm, I'm in there trying my best too.

Graham Bechart:

But what?

Graham Bechart:

Like, people don't want to be driven by that, by fear and anger anymore.

Graham Bechart:

But when they feel fear and anger, they're like, how do I get out of this?

Graham Bechart:

Because the feeling's very strong, you know, and those are the moments where like, man, if your thoughts are tied into it and you have catastrophe thoughts and you're just riding that thought, like, it can feel like that's the only option.

Graham Bechart:

When in fact, that's like walking into a weight room and someone hands you a 30 pound weight and you may have never held weights before and you're like, oh my God, it's pulling me down.

Graham Bechart:

You're like, that's what it's designed to do.

Graham Bechart:

Guess what you do?

Graham Bechart:

Get your core tight.

Graham Bechart:

Breathe.

Graham Bechart:

Pull that right up, right?

Graham Bechart:

So mentally, we're in the mental gym right now.

Graham Bechart:

It's a great gym.

Graham Bechart:

Not sure anyone, some people wanted to be in it, but they're in the, they're in the mental gym now.

Graham Bechart:

This generation coming up is dying for this.

Graham Bechart:

And they will literally like.

Graham Bechart:

And that's why I'm like, this is the strongest generation of all time, the greatest generation, and has the greatest opportunity and the most weight.

Graham Bechart:

That's on them for sure.

Graham Bechart:

Everyone agrees with that, that they have the most.

Graham Bechart:

And that's all from the adults that set it up like this.

Graham Bechart:

So if anyone is like, these kids don't get it.

Graham Bechart:

I'm like, you set that up for them.

Graham Bechart:

You know what I mean?

Graham Bechart:

You didn't like it?

Graham Bechart:

Well, it looks like you didn't have enough influence to set it up right.

Graham Bechart:

You know what I mean?

Graham Bechart:

So we got to do our work here.

Graham Bechart:

This is all just my opinion, but that's, that's why I always find myself Wanting to help kids and wanting to make this simpler and make it easy.

Graham Bechart:

And why I've always been like, it's got to be bite sized.

Graham Bechart:

It's got to be simple.

Graham Bechart:

It's got to be something they can digest in an easy way and then practice it every day, right?

Graham Bechart:

Because then you don't get swayed.

Graham Bechart:

And if you're following your heart and you're in a place of service, hey, we got a chance to have a pretty beautiful world here.

Graham Bechart:

But you got to know how to fight to do that.

Graham Bechart:

And that's the whole thing.

Graham Bechart:

You got to know how to fight, you know, and most people don't know that.

Graham Bechart:

I think that's like, they're like, you know, when you look at, like, you know, if you're reacting, the negative thoughts and emotions that run through you in a moment, man, we're in trouble, you know.

Todd:

Do you find.

Todd:

Sorry, do you find that.

Todd:

Do you find that the coaches are receptive to this?

Todd:

Because here's the thing, you are almost a spokesperson for this generation, for the 5 to 25.

Todd:

You have a different view of them, right, Than an average person does.

Todd:

And let's just say there's a coach out there who likes to scream and yell at people.

Todd:

Maybe he can't, you know, control his own reactions, or perhaps he thinks that's a good strategy, or perhaps he lacks other strategies, you know.

Todd:

And so for me, it's always been very important to address the self regulation of parents, coaches, teachers, managers, all those things, because they're creating the environment almost like the soil in which we either grow or struggle to grow, right?

Todd:

And so it's like, all right, do you find yourself, I guess, able to.

Todd:

And often able to address that and find coaches receptive to the fact that they might be the ones causing this environment in which people are struggling to produce the results they want.

Graham Bechart:

I think at this point, people are pretty aware of it, you know, like, and you see it as a culture that in general, people are aware and they're looking for how to do it.

Graham Bechart:

Because we all, like, we've all coached, we know you and we've all.

Graham Bechart:

If you watch your kids play sports, everyone feels strong feelings.

Graham Bechart:

You know, if your kid gets fouled and there's no call, sheesh.

Graham Bechart:

Parents, parents can react massive in those moments, you know, so, but that, that's the, like, we have a responsibility to show our kids how to choose our response in those moments, you know, and how to be emotionally intelligent and.

Graham Bechart:

And how to do those things.

Graham Bechart:

So I think it seems like everyone is receptive at this point.

Graham Bechart:

Again, it might be someone, though, who's like, hey, I'm finally ready to work out.

Graham Bechart:

They may have not hit the gym for 35 years, right?

Graham Bechart:

So it doesn't mean like the first day you go, it even feels good, might, you know, the first day, but like, people are pretty aware of it.

Graham Bechart:

And at this point, if you're not doing it, some team is going to really kick your ass that is doing this stuff.

Graham Bechart:

You know what I mean?

Graham Bechart:

And that's.

Graham Bechart:

And that's what I notice all the time.

Graham Bechart:

And that's why my dog gets excited sometimes.

Graham Bechart:

Sorry.

Graham Bechart:

But that's all good.

Graham Bechart:

Why I wanted to go in with sports too is I knew, like, we could teach this stuff and beat other teams.

Graham Bechart:

And when you beat other teams, they're going to open their eyes, right?

Graham Bechart:

So they're like, oh, what are you doing?

Graham Bechart:

I'm like, this is.

Graham Bechart:

We're doing loving things, creating safe environments for people.

Graham Bechart:

Loving things.

Graham Bechart:

The next play fast, right?

Graham Bechart:

Tap, you know tap.

Graham Bechart:

What tap means is trust, acceptance and presence.

Graham Bechart:

Trust your skills, accept the results and be present.

Graham Bechart:

Like, that's it.

Graham Bechart:

That's the entire competition.

Graham Bechart:

That took me 27 years to get it.

Graham Bechart:

That simple.

Graham Bechart:

It doesn't mean it's easy to do, but when you say, hey, what's the goal?

Graham Bechart:

It's tap.

Graham Bechart:

Like, trust your skills right now.

Graham Bechart:

And whatever thought is telling you not to do it, we're not going to listen to that.

Graham Bechart:

Because there's never a time not to trust.

Graham Bechart:

If I ask an athlete or a coach, hey, is this, would this be a good time to not trust your game?

Graham Bechart:

They're always like, no, it's never a good time to not trust.

Graham Bechart:

So it's the acceptance that is important.

Graham Bechart:

Most people aren't trusting their game because they're not accepting something.

Graham Bechart:

Maybe they don't want a result to happen.

Graham Bechart:

They don't want to fail.

Graham Bechart:

You have to ruthlessly accept, like, this is where.

Graham Bechart:

This is the actual fight, right?

Graham Bechart:

The part of you that's like, no, I can't make a make a mistake in front of my coach.

Graham Bechart:

The acceptance is, I might make a mistake in front of my coach.

Graham Bechart:

That might.

Graham Bechart:

That might be what happens.

Graham Bechart:

And I'm going to learn to live with that and I'm going to trust my game and I'm going to do it in the present right now.

Graham Bechart:

I'm going to tap in right now.

Graham Bechart:

That's the fight.

Graham Bechart:

You just won the fight.

Graham Bechart:

Now you might very well dribble it off your foot.

Graham Bechart:

You might do something atrocious on the court, that shit happens.

Graham Bechart:

But then we say, so what?

Graham Bechart:

Next play, come back, do it again, right?

Graham Bechart:

And we're not saying being reckless when you play, but we're like, if this is what you're here to trust, you have to trust it.

Graham Bechart:

And once you know that tap is the fight, you just get to the root of the fight.

Graham Bechart:

And so if someone's like, I'm competitive, I want to win, we go, okay, let's see.

Graham Bechart:

We'll see about it.

Graham Bechart:

Where this comes down to is a moment when you're playing.

Graham Bechart:

You're going to have a subtle thought that's like, just don't trust.

Graham Bechart:

And it'll be so subtle, so mellow, you probably won't notice it.

Graham Bechart:

And then you just, boom.

Graham Bechart:

You don't trust.

Graham Bechart:

Just like that.

Graham Bechart:

And that's how lethal it is.

Graham Bechart:

And that's why when you're in this fight, you're like, you know how subtle it is, you know how powerful it comes to you in your moments.

Graham Bechart:

And it just comes so subtle, you don't even notice it.

Graham Bechart:

And you just let it in and then, boom, you're gone.

Graham Bechart:

So consciousness is what we're doing, where as long as you're aware what the fight is in that moment and say the thought pops through, hey, don't trust.

Graham Bechart:

The counter would be.

Graham Bechart:

Laugh at it.

Graham Bechart:

You're like, you're welcome to be here and say, not trust.

Graham Bechart:

Guess what I'm going to do?

Graham Bechart:

Guess what I'm going to do?

Graham Bechart:

I'm going to go trust my shit right now.

Graham Bechart:

And then that thing that told you not to trust, it has no counter for that.

Graham Bechart:

You've.

Graham Bechart:

You've literally got it right where you want it, and then you go for the kill shot and you go, okay, let's go see what happens.

Graham Bechart:

I'm cool.

Graham Bechart:

If I airball this shot, I'm cool with whatever it's.

Graham Bechart:

Whatever reason you're telling me not to trust, I'm cool with that.

Graham Bechart:

And that's the equivalent if you were in a real fight.

Graham Bechart:

Like when I work with the Navy or police officers or something like that.

Graham Bechart:

It's a different.

Graham Bechart:

That's different than sports, right?

Graham Bechart:

That's way different right there.

Graham Bechart:

They have a bad day, they're.

Graham Bechart:

Their family's devastated.

Graham Bechart:

You know, you never want to fight someone that's down to die.

Graham Bechart:

You know, like, if someone's like, if today's the day I die, today's the day I die.

Graham Bechart:

If you fight that person, you better be there, too.

Graham Bechart:

So imagine that in a non life or death situation, like sports in General where you're like, dude, if I have to fail miserably today, so be it.

Graham Bechart:

That's.

Graham Bechart:

That's confidence.

Graham Bechart:

And you may feel vulnerable in that moment, uncomfortable.

Graham Bechart:

But you have the clarity in what you have on your hands.

Graham Bechart:

The devotion.

Graham Bechart:

This is when the devotion gets tested.

Graham Bechart:

You're like, devotion has nothing to do with motivation.

Graham Bechart:

Most people want confidence and motivation.

Graham Bechart:

I'm like, that's futile.

Graham Bechart:

What's confidence anyway?

Graham Bechart:

Like, a feeling.

Graham Bechart:

What's motivation?

Graham Bechart:

A feeling.

Graham Bechart:

I'd rather have clarity and devotion.

Graham Bechart:

And the clarity is I'm doing this, and the devotion is I'm doing it right now.

Graham Bechart:

And that.

Graham Bechart:

That's unstoppable.

Graham Bechart:

But that's a real fight, right?

Graham Bechart:

Because you are going to face some things inside of you that are telling you for really logically good reasons to not trust.

Graham Bechart:

And in basketball, just a general story is say you miss your first five shots.

Graham Bechart:

Logic is like, it's not my day, so I'm not going to trust.

Graham Bechart:

You cannot unlearn how to shoot a basketball.

Graham Bechart:

In a basketball game, missing five shots.

Graham Bechart:

You can't.

Graham Bechart:

It's impossible.

Graham Bechart:

But if you stop trusting, you have essentially shut your whole self down.

Graham Bechart:

And so once you know this fight and you're like, my only goal is to tap, then you put everything you have into that, and you become aware in the moments that you would usually bail, and you start to anticipate those.

Graham Bechart:

And that's like a boxer that goes, I know where the punches are coming from.

Graham Bechart:

So if you can anticipate the moments, you usually don't tap, slip it, bang, hit it right back with trust.

Graham Bechart:

Now we're in a good fight, and you want to have no mercy on whatever's telling you not to trust because it's having no mercy on you.

Graham Bechart:

Fact, right, it's having no mercy on you.

Graham Bechart:

It just may come off subtle.

Graham Bechart:

It may come off like some victim.

Graham Bechart:

It may feel.

Graham Bechart:

Come with an emotion that actually makes you feel comfortable in the moment where you're like, who?

Graham Bechart:

If I don't have to trust now, I feel safe.

Graham Bechart:

You ain't safe.

Graham Bechart:

You're getting choked out in that moment.

Graham Bechart:

You don't even know it.

Graham Bechart:

And that choke's just slipping in deeper and deeper and deeper.

Graham Bechart:

By the time you go home, you feel like you're dead because you just killed your spirit by not trusting.

Graham Bechart:

So to me, that's the mental game, you know, is like, you can get it down to, like, what's the essence of what you do?

Graham Bechart:

And whatever you're doing, trust that.

Graham Bechart:

And when I say the essence like say you're shooting a basketball.

Graham Bechart:

It might be like, get my feet squared up and flick my wrist.

Graham Bechart:

You're like, I just do that.

Graham Bechart:

Whether it goes in or out, dude, I don't know.

Graham Bechart:

I don't know.

Graham Bechart:

Like, who knows?

Graham Bechart:

I just do the essence.

Graham Bechart:

I get my.

Graham Bechart:

As long as my feet are right, we're straight.

Graham Bechart:

I'm not thinking about making shots, missing shots.

Graham Bechart:

I don't care about any of that.

Graham Bechart:

I just go feet, right?

Graham Bechart:

Trust it.

Graham Bechart:

And then the acceptance is where you get into faith.

Graham Bechart:

Acceptance is where the spirituality comes in, right?

Graham Bechart:

That's where the real fight comes in.

Graham Bechart:

And that's where you want to, you want to have deep mental game in those moments.

Graham Bechart:

You want to have a deep bag of what acceptance means and what.

Graham Bechart:

And like the opposite of acceptance is holding on.

Graham Bechart:

Holding on is like holding hundred pound weights in a pool.

Graham Bechart:

Like you're going to go down.

Graham Bechart:

You know what I mean?

Graham Bechart:

Like, no matter how much you can tread water, you won't be, it won't be long before, before that in acceptance is drop the weights.

Graham Bechart:

Yeah, drop it.

Graham Bechart:

And.

Graham Bechart:

But a lot of times that's, that's a big transformative moment to do that.

Graham Bechart:

The athletes that go through that experience and, and do that, they develop a confidence that's otherworldly because it's transformation.

Graham Bechart:

It's not like I have to feel good to tap in.

Graham Bechart:

Then you get to the other level, like we say, victory to the vulnerable, where you're like, dude, I'm fine, I'll tap in no matter what because I'm safe.

Graham Bechart:

And you realize you're actually not safe if you don't tap in.

Graham Bechart:

Once you get to that, once you get to.

Graham Bechart:

If I don't trust right now and don't accept that I don't do in the present, that's dangerous.

Graham Bechart:

And that's dangerous on a spiritual level.

Graham Bechart:

That's dangerous to your energy, that's dangerous to everything that eventually days and days of doing that compound into stress, disease, all kinds of stuff.

Graham Bechart:

So you're like, oh, this is dangerous.

Graham Bechart:

So like, if my fear is I miss this shot, it.

Graham Bechart:

I'll miss every shot because if I don't, I'm dying inside and I ain't doing that.

Graham Bechart:

You know what I mean?

Graham Bechart:

So.

Graham Bechart:

And of course, this only works if you practice your sport.

Graham Bechart:

You're dedicated.

Graham Bechart:

This can't be like you've never tried or you don't work out.

Graham Bechart:

You go join some, try to join some team and just tap in.

Graham Bechart:

This is predicated with I do all the work, I do the physical work, I do all of that, then of course I'm going to go trust myself.

Graham Bechart:

If you don't do all the prep work, you're trusting nonsense at that point, right?

Graham Bechart:

So this is.

Graham Bechart:

This is the final piece of, like, I do everything, and now the final piece is, let's just go trust and see what happens.

Graham Bechart:

And you don't know what's going to happen.

Graham Bechart:

And you accept that.

Graham Bechart:

You don't know results.

Graham Bechart:

That's even more lethal for your opponents.

Graham Bechart:

Because if you don't know what you're going to do, how could they know what you're going to do, right?

Graham Bechart:

So you don't want to know what you're going to do.

Graham Bechart:

You don't want to know if you're going to win or you're going to lose or when you're going to score.

Graham Bechart:

You don't want to know that.

Graham Bechart:

You want to be like, the more I don't know, the more this defender, they're in big trouble.

Graham Bechart:

Of course a part of you wants to know, right?

Graham Bechart:

Of course it wants to know, but that's the part of you we're getting rid of.

Graham Bechart:

That's what mental training is, is getting to your higher self.

Graham Bechart:

You know what I mean?

Graham Bechart:

Listening to that.

Graham Bechart:

And that's why we say you're actually playing a different game.

Graham Bechart:

Like, I'm not playing volleyball.

Graham Bechart:

I'm playing the mental game.

Graham Bechart:

I'm playing, can I tap?

Graham Bechart:

Can I trust?

Graham Bechart:

Can I accept?

Graham Bechart:

Can I be present?

Graham Bechart:

Whatever happens in volleyball is whatever's going to happen, that if you're competing against someone like that, oh, you already know you're gonna have, like, it's gonna be a long day and you better be back.

Graham Bechart:

Same thing.

Graham Bechart:

Because they're like, I'm not even playing against you.

Graham Bechart:

They're like, I'm.

Graham Bechart:

Thank God my opponent is here.

Graham Bechart:

You're giving me a chance to go do this tap work.

Graham Bechart:

Thank you.

Graham Bechart:

Thank you.

Graham Bechart:

Better you are, the better I am.

Graham Bechart:

You better be doing the same stuff.

Graham Bechart:

If they're like that, if you go to a place of fear in that moment and be like, oh, my God, I got to beat them, you're already lost.

Graham Bechart:

You're like, all I got to do is tap, you know, and once like that to me, I've seen that unlock a lot of people.

Todd:

So anyway, that's what I was going to ask that.

Todd:

So I mean, that.

Todd:

That already sounds like incredibly beneficial for anyone to hear as far as the positive advantages of, you know, being really focused in the moment and how much more of an edge it really can be.

Todd:

And then also on the flip side, the disadvantages of, you know, how, how much weight it can bear on you, how it's like literally like you said that holding those dumbbells and, you know, all you have to do to come up to the top and stay afloat is, is like, oh, you know.

Todd:

And so do you find, are there other methods in which you might be able to help someone who finds themselves obsessed with the results really, like struggling, like they don't want to make an air ball in front of everybody.

Todd:

You know, they'll be so embarrassed and they're kind of like, you know, if you're having a one on one talk with them and not just addressing a group of people with these concepts, you know, what might that look like?

Graham Bechart:

I mean, it's really very similar, you know, I mean, if you're talking with someone one on one in general, they're probably open to it.

Graham Bechart:

And you ask them, hey, what does it feel like when you don't trust?

Graham Bechart:

What's that like in your life?

Graham Bechart:

And they're all going to be like, it's horrible.

Graham Bechart:

Like, and you just talk to them like, what's it like when you don't accept, what's it like trying to control results?

Graham Bechart:

How's that going for you?

Graham Bechart:

Are you getting the results you like?

Graham Bechart:

You know, so you just.

Graham Bechart:

Because they're using logic in those moments, right?

Graham Bechart:

They're using logic.

Graham Bechart:

So you just be with them, you just talk to them logically and usually you can get that pretty quick that they realize if I'm avoiding making mistakes, that's like a baby saying, I want to learn to walk, but I don't want to fall.

Graham Bechart:

You're like, you know that's not going to happen, right?

Graham Bechart:

Like, you have to embrace falling all the time as that's the actual thing, you know, so if someone doesn't want to miss, you know, and they're avoiding missing shots, you're like, hey, that's a baby.

Graham Bechart:

Avoiding falling.

Graham Bechart:

You know you're never going to walk, right?

Graham Bechart:

Like, you'll never go through that experience.

Graham Bechart:

So you just try to get them to embrace it and then be like, you know, this is training, so like it's okay to feel uncomfortable.

Graham Bechart:

And then, you know, I got this belt that says victory to the vulnerable on it.

Graham Bechart:

I pulled a belt out and I'm like, look man, like, if you want to be competitive, let's compete at trusting and accepting and whatever you're afraid of.

Graham Bechart:

That's the weights you need for your mind.

Graham Bechart:

Like, we need those weights.

Graham Bechart:

You know, So I just try to be with people and connect with them.

Graham Bechart:

It is similar to someone working out at a gym, though.

Graham Bechart:

Everyone knows they should be working out, right?

Graham Bechart:

Pretty much every human being in the world.

Graham Bechart:

Does that mean they do it?

Graham Bechart:

No, there's still.

Graham Bechart:

There's still a part of.

Graham Bechart:

There's an effort to doing that.

Graham Bechart:

Like, you have to.

Graham Bechart:

It takes effort.

Graham Bechart:

So mental training is the same thing.

Graham Bechart:

This stuff takes effort, takes work, and for some people, it's not the right moment for them.

Graham Bechart:

So what I tell them is, hey, whenever you're ready, I'm here.

Graham Bechart:

But if you don't want to do it, we can't talk about you wanting to win, because you don't want to win.

Graham Bechart:

You just want to.

Graham Bechart:

You want to feel comfortable in these moments, and that's totally fine.

Graham Bechart:

That's like walking to the weight room and going, I just want to walk around.

Graham Bechart:

You're like, no problem.

Graham Bechart:

You can walk around.

Graham Bechart:

Like, we're not going to do anything.

Graham Bechart:

But after, if you're like, where are my muscles?

Graham Bechart:

You're like, man, it doesn't work like that.

Graham Bechart:

You just.

Graham Bechart:

You just kind of, you know, you take your time with folks and I might send them a song.

Graham Bechart:

I'm like, just listen to this song, right?

Graham Bechart:

Just.

Graham Bechart:

You meet people right where they are and just try to connect and let them know, like, hey, whenever you're ready, it's here.

Graham Bechart:

But most people get it that when they're avoiding making mistakes, they know that doesn't feel good.

Graham Bechart:

They know that.

Graham Bechart:

They know that's not it.

Graham Bechart:

They just don't know what to do in those moments.

Graham Bechart:

They know that's not it, or else they would feel good.

Graham Bechart:

They'd be like, oh, it's amazing avoiding making mistakes.

Graham Bechart:

I feel so great later.

Graham Bechart:

No, they're all like, I feel horrible.

Graham Bechart:

And it's like, devastating.

Graham Bechart:

I'm like, no, you feel heavy, don't you?

Graham Bechart:

By definition, you should feel heavy because you're holding on.

Graham Bechart:

You're not accepting.

Graham Bechart:

And I don't mean you should, like, but I mean, like, this isn't hooey.

Graham Bechart:

This is real.

Graham Bechart:

So if you hold on, you're going to be heavy, right?

Graham Bechart:

If you learn to accept, which takes compassion and love, a willingness to feel vulnerable, you're going to feel lighter.

Graham Bechart:

And once you experience that, the first time, you're like, oh, I just figured out how to train.

Graham Bechart:

So when I feel scared, I feel like gripping and holding on to something.

Graham Bechart:

Ah, that's a side to breathe and let go.

Graham Bechart:

And usually what we mean by let go, let's say you're holding on to not wanting to make a mistake.

Graham Bechart:

And you're like, well, what does let go mean?

Graham Bechart:

Let go means let's go make a bunch of mistakes.

Graham Bechart:

Like, counter it.

Graham Bechart:

Because if it's like, don't make a mistake.

Graham Bechart:

You're like, well, today we make a mistake, then we're going to make mistakes.

Graham Bechart:

And it doesn't have a counter to that.

Graham Bechart:

Because if you can love yourself unconditionally when you make mistakes, you've just won a fight, right?

Graham Bechart:

Because the fear is telling you if you make mistake, your life is over.

Graham Bechart:

It's not going to work.

Graham Bechart:

That's all an illusion.

Graham Bechart:

None of that is real.

Graham Bechart:

But until you actually go face it and say, look, if a mistake happens, a mistake happens, which is a lethal punch, right?

Graham Bechart:

That's a wham.

Graham Bechart:

It doesn't know how to counter that.

Graham Bechart:

And then you tell it, you know what?

Graham Bechart:

By making mistakes, that's how I'm going to learn to really do this.

Graham Bechart:

This isn't a mistake.

Graham Bechart:

This is the mechanics of success.

Graham Bechart:

What are you talking about?

Graham Bechart:

And then you counter it with something like that.

Graham Bechart:

And then it's like, it's in a.

Graham Bechart:

It's in a.

Graham Bechart:

It's in a bad fight and you got it right where you want it.

Todd:

Yeah.

Graham Bechart:

You know what I mean?

Graham Bechart:

Like, basically all you're doing is talking yourself into allowing yourself to feel uncomfortable for a little moment.

Graham Bechart:

That's it.

Graham Bechart:

That's what this all comes down to.

Graham Bechart:

People don't want to feel uncomfortable.

Graham Bechart:

So just like.

Graham Bechart:

You know what I mean?

Graham Bechart:

So if you can just feel uncomfortable for a brief moment with no hesitation, you can win the fight very quickly.

Graham Bechart:

Most people prolong it.

Graham Bechart:

They avoid the uncomfortable peace.

Graham Bechart:

And then that causes suffering and that causes profound injury.

Graham Bechart:

And all these other things where once you realize, look, I'm going to go, like, if you're going to lift weights, we're going to get uncomfortable for a sec.

Graham Bechart:

Let's go get it.

Graham Bechart:

We don't have to linger around forever, but let's go get it.

Graham Bechart:

And then after.

Graham Bechart:

How do you feel?

Graham Bechart:

Really good.

Todd:

Yeah, you want to.

Graham Bechart:

So once you get those habits down and you're like, when I say victory to the vulnerable, that literally means if you allow yourself to feel vulnerable and you still tap in, you, you will experience victory.

Graham Bechart:

And by victory, we mean incredible energy.

Graham Bechart:

You will unlock real energy and you will enlighten.

Graham Bechart:

This isn't like a joke.

Graham Bechart:

Like, and if you hold on, you will feel heavy.

Graham Bechart:

There's, like, really, like, real.

Graham Bechart:

You'll really feel heavy.

Graham Bechart:

You'll feel like gravity's stronger on you.

Graham Bechart:

And then when the word enlightenment is real, like when you start to work on acceptance, you're like, I feel lighter.

Graham Bechart:

I've had athletes figure this stuff out when they're 32, 33, and they're like, I'm more athletic at 34 than I was at 24.

Graham Bechart:

Because at 24, they were holding on.

Graham Bechart:

And finally at some point, they're like, I'm done holding on.

Graham Bechart:

I want to experience life after.

Graham Bechart:

And all of a sudden, they totally open up and they're moving with more fluidity, more grace, they're lighter.

Graham Bechart:

Like all these things happen and it doesn't make any sense till you do it.

Graham Bechart:

You know what I mean?

Graham Bechart:

Because you're like, how could that be?

Graham Bechart:

You know, or whatever, you know?

Graham Bechart:

But that's why this is such an advantage if you do it, you know?

Graham Bechart:

Yeah.

Todd:

So.

Todd:

So going through that 27 years of it, it taking you to developing this tap method and having it be so simple.

Todd:

Can you talk about some of the stuff that you were teaching at the very beginning that may have not been so simple and kind of your journey of getting to the tap method, you know, just some of the things that you did coming up that may not have been the smartest or the best or.

Todd:

Or that you optimized.

Graham Bechart:

Man.

Graham Bechart:

You know, sometimes early on, you end up saying everything you know to people because you just want to make sure you give.

Graham Bechart:

Like someone like a strength and conditioning coach, when they first work someone out, they usually just do way too much, you know, I mean, they.

Graham Bechart:

They work everything out times a thousand.

Graham Bechart:

That's not what that person needed.

Graham Bechart:

So I definitely felt that early on this, like, oh, like, do I need to tell them everything I know, but I always, honestly, I always knew the fight was, it's got to be simple.

Graham Bechart:

Like, I knew that was it because, like, the woman teaching me, it was so vast what she was teaching it, like, in it and like, it incorporated, like, essentially everything.

Graham Bechart:

So you're like, okay, I always knew I gotta get it to a 14 year old in 30 seconds in real time.

Graham Bechart:

And if I can, if I can get it to a 14 year old in 30 seconds in real time, then we've got something here.

Graham Bechart:

Then any human being could essentially do this, right?

Graham Bechart:

Then we got e equals mc squared.

Graham Bechart:

as just grinding in the early:

Graham Bechart:

And that's where things started to come together.

Graham Bechart:

Like, I was teaching play present, which is like the Actual goals to be present.

Graham Bechart:

I didn't know what to do in the present yet, but I knew we had to be in the present.

Graham Bechart:

And then we taught what we call next play speed.

Graham Bechart:

I got this little next play speed whistle, which is like, after you shoot a basketball or after you do something, how fast can you move on to the next play?

Graham Bechart:

And we were saying, we don't care if you make or miss shots.

Graham Bechart:

Essentially, that's acceptance.

Graham Bechart:

But we didn't.

Graham Bechart:

I didn't know to use the word acceptance.

Graham Bechart:

I just was like, I don't care if you make or miss.

Graham Bechart:

And they were like, what do you mean you don't care?

Graham Bechart:

Like, we have to make shots.

Graham Bechart:

And I was like, you know, if you're great, you're going to miss half if you're great.

Graham Bechart:

So we have to do well on the ones we miss.

Graham Bechart:

We have to be able to move forward with grace and get going and move on.

Graham Bechart:

So that was the language we started with and just worked on play present and next play speed.

Graham Bechart:

And it was like, just be in the moment, and then when that moment's done, get on with the next moment as fast as you can and do it again.

Graham Bechart:

And then that's what we're going to judge you on.

Graham Bechart:

Like, that's it.

Graham Bechart:

We're not going to judge you on results and outcomes.

Graham Bechart:

And we just started doing that.

Graham Bechart:

I didn't think it was going to win as big as it started to win.

Graham Bechart:

I just was like, this is going to help some kids out.

Graham Bechart:

We'll use basketball.

Graham Bechart:

And then working at Mission High School in San Francisco, where I started, like, like, within four years, we won the city championship in San Francisco.

Graham Bechart:

And, like, the program just took off, and I was just an assistant coach helping out.

Graham Bechart:

And my job was like, the mental game and just helping a little bit.

Graham Bechart:

But, like, the head coach was so solid.

Graham Bechart:

He was the dean of the school.

Graham Bechart:

Like, we had support, and they.

Graham Bechart:

They might have won 12 city championships in, like, 16 years.

Graham Bechart:

After that, even won the state title.

Graham Bechart:

And, you know, so doing all this historical stuff and so that stuff, to me, just let me know, okay?

Graham Bechart:

It is simple.

Graham Bechart:

We got the language simple.

Graham Bechart:

And then I knew I had to get it into a book.

Graham Bechart:

I had to make it real.

Graham Bechart:

I had to just go from, like, I'm just saying some stuff, which is every dime a dozen, right?

Graham Bechart:

Everyone's got a few things to say.

Graham Bechart:

Maybe a little personality.

Graham Bechart:

I'm like, and a good friend.

Graham Bechart:

It was like, if you don't write in a book, you're just going to be a Dude with a cool personality who talks a little bit, and that's everywhere, and you need to be different.

Graham Bechart:

So I was like, I can't write.

Graham Bechart:

I don't know how to write.

Graham Bechart:

And he was like, well, you have to.

Graham Bechart:

st book, and got that done by:

Graham Bechart:

And it's 50 pages long.

Graham Bechart:

I worked with an artist, so it has art.

Graham Bechart:

It's really simple.

Graham Bechart:

It took me like my whole life to get it to 50 pages to make.

Graham Bechart:

And to my knowledge, I think it's the smallest mental training book that might exist, or maybe not.

Graham Bechart:

But, like, that was my goal.

Graham Bechart:

And that was 10 years ago almost.

Graham Bechart:

And since then, I feel like I have it a thousand times simpler now to where, like you said, literally, it's just this.

Graham Bechart:

It's just tap.

Todd:

Yes.

Graham Bechart:

And I got a song called Tap.

Graham Bechart:

And so we went from like putting it on words and pages to where you have to read it to process it into an action to now it's a symbol.

Graham Bechart:

And then you can put a song on.

Graham Bechart:

Listen to the song for three minutes and you're being trained in it and it's hitting your subconscious.

Graham Bechart:

And we train through music, not.

Graham Bechart:

Not just because music is fun.

Graham Bechart:

And like, why wouldn't you want to train with music?

Graham Bechart:

Like, who would want something without that?

Graham Bechart:

But the science behind learning with music is profound.

Graham Bechart:

That you retain the information at twice, twice the ability with melody.

Graham Bechart:

And if you were.

Graham Bechart:

If you're singing something, right, you can retain it because it has melody to it.

Graham Bechart:

So we say, like, I don't react, I respond, I take a breath and I move on.

Graham Bechart:

Right?

Graham Bechart:

That's just a little example of something that.

Graham Bechart:

Like that once or twice, that might be with you for life.

Graham Bechart:

And then if you start saying that yourself ten times a day and you get it into, I don't react, I respond, I take a breath, and I move on.

Graham Bechart:

Now it's like we're working on cognitive, behavioral, tried and true principles of the mental game, like shift how you're thinking and shift what you're doing, right?

Graham Bechart:

So all this stuff, while it seems kind of fun and like, not silly, but like, is this real?

Graham Bechart:

Hell yeah, this is real.

Graham Bechart:

And it's based.

Graham Bechart:

It's backed on all the deep science and all that.

Graham Bechart:

And for kids, again, if you can get this into something simple where they don't even know it's.

Graham Bechart:

It's like they're doing anything.

Graham Bechart:

Like you just have a song in the background, but, like, it's hitting your subconscious, right?

Graham Bechart:

It's sticking there.

Graham Bechart:

Then we've made something so simple.

Graham Bechart:

It's like, you know, it's, it's there.

Graham Bechart:

So that's why.

Graham Bechart:

But I got it into like chains.

Graham Bechart:

Like another one was like Walk to Win.

Graham Bechart:

I got all these like wild chains and like and you put them out there.

Graham Bechart:

Because what people are Walk to Win is the counter to anxiously running to results.

Graham Bechart:

Most people are anxiously trying to get to like some level or they want to get to some place and then when they're there they're still feel like how they were before they got there because they're like, I need to get somewhere else.

Graham Bechart:

And so Walk to Win helps remind you that it's here right now.

Graham Bechart:

Everything you're looking for is here.

Graham Bechart:

And lock in today with a one day deal.

Graham Bechart:

That's the other chain.

Graham Bechart:

It's not, hasn't arrived yet.

Graham Bechart:

But one day deal means just do it today.

Graham Bechart:

So walk to Win tap one day deal, palms down.

Graham Bechart:

The opposite of doing this.

Graham Bechart:

All of those came after I wrote Play present.

Graham Bechart:

So Play present took me 20 years to write.

Graham Bechart:

And then from:

Graham Bechart:

Tap is shorter than E equals MC squared.

Graham Bechart:

So that's something I'm proud of because it really does take a while.

Graham Bechart:

But my mind is obsessed with this stuff and it's cool sometimes.

Graham Bechart:

But sometimes I'd have to tell myself, please give me a break because I can't just keep like downloading information, trying to process it and bringing it to the earth.

Graham Bechart:

I mean that's what this is.

Graham Bechart:

When you can tap into it, you tap into where it comes from.

Graham Bechart:

I didn't make any of this stuff up.

Graham Bechart:

I just tapped into it and was like, oh, there it is.

Graham Bechart:

My job is to bring it to this world.

Graham Bechart:

That's like why I call myself a guide.

Graham Bechart:

I'm like, okay, I can pick it up, I can hear it pretty well and I can pick it up and then use creativity to bring it to us, how we need to bring it.

Graham Bechart:

And yeah, I find myself like it's amazing where it goes basically.

Graham Bechart:

Like I didn't know I was going to go here, going to music, going to this stuff.

Graham Bechart:

But like there it is.

Graham Bechart:

So yeah, at first you're just saying a bunch of words, right?

Graham Bechart:

And eventually you get into a book, then you get into a song.

Graham Bechart:

I always had the hardest time, Todd, with five year olds because a five year old, you can't just talk to a five year old, right?

Graham Bechart:

If you're not singing and Dancing, they will laugh at you.

Graham Bechart:

Like, you can talk to a teenager in general, you can talk to someone who's in their 20s, you can talk to someone in their 30s.

Graham Bechart:

But a five year old, if you go in and you're like, hey, let's be present, they're just going to like turn around and look to the side and they're like, what are you talking about?

Graham Bechart:

But if you're like, okay, everyone, you ready to do sing along?

Graham Bechart:

Okay, you ready?

Graham Bechart:

We don't want to do this.

Graham Bechart:

We do this.

Graham Bechart:

All right, everyone do this.

Graham Bechart:

I don't react, I respond.

Graham Bechart:

Every five year old, it's like, I don't react, I respond, right, then you.

Graham Bechart:

It's like teaching the ABCs doesn't mean they're going to do it at a high level or anything like that.

Graham Bechart:

But, but it's there, right?

Graham Bechart:

So as you go through life, you're like, hey, wait.

Graham Bechart:

I don't react, I respond.

Graham Bechart:

I'm in a moment where I feel like just reacting.

Graham Bechart:

I guess I have a choice how I respond.

Graham Bechart:

Oh, okay, I'll take a breath.

Graham Bechart:

Oh, then I move on.

Graham Bechart:

So that talk track is there, that cognition is there to hopefully influence behavior in those moments.

Graham Bechart:

Right.

Graham Bechart:

And do that.

Graham Bechart:

So now I'm like, okay, if I can get into a five year old or a four year old and it makes sense to them and they can repeat it, then really anybody can do this stuff.

Todd:

Yeah.

Todd:

So is it, is it like hip hop kind of like music?

Graham Bechart:

Yeah, hip hop, jazz, R B, spoken word, Afro beats.

Graham Bechart:

I mean, like really country.

Graham Bechart:

I made a country song the other day.

Todd:

Like, no way.

Graham Bechart:

It's.

Graham Bechart:

Well, yeah, it was whatever comes like.

Graham Bechart:

And I'm under Graham the guide.

Graham Bechart:

So that's where I do all the music I draw.

Graham Bechart:

I've dropped probably close to 200 songs in the last two years.

Graham Bechart:

I make the beats.

Graham Bechart:

So I've turned into, I mean, you did some music.

Todd:

I didn't know it was like that.

Graham Bechart:

Yeah, yeah, yeah, man.

Graham Bechart:

I've, I've produced a couple R B songs that have nothing to do with mental training.

Graham Bechart:

They're love songs with some great artists who are like just rappers and singers and we don't even have a connection in the mental performance space.

Graham Bechart:

I'm just producing music.

Graham Bechart:

So that's the, like, you never know where life's going to go when you keep listening to your heart and keep doing the work.

Graham Bechart:

And I would have never thought in my 40s I'd become a music producer.

Graham Bechart:

But I have, you know, and I, I, I've made probably 700 beats in the last year and a half.

Graham Bechart:

And I can't even explain it, really.

Graham Bechart:

You know, I'm just here serving, doing the work.

Graham Bechart:

And I knew I was supposed to make music.

Graham Bechart:

I didn't know why.

Graham Bechart:

I knew I loved it, and I just kept sticking with it.

Graham Bechart:

And it's fun to see where it goes.

Graham Bechart:

I found myself speaking at Solano County Prison the other week with the Golden State warriors, their basketball camps.

Graham Bechart:

They were helping out, teaching inmates how to coach.

Graham Bechart:

And that was one of the most powerful experiences in my life.

Graham Bechart:

To go work with them, with some folks in there being lifers, you know, no chance of coming out, and you're working on being present.

Graham Bechart:

You're like, okay, this is a whole different level.

Graham Bechart:

Like, someone may not want to be there, but yet this is where we are.

Graham Bechart:

And learning to, like, make our home where we are is really important for your mental health and that.

Graham Bechart:

And what.

Graham Bechart:

How much more profound is it to do it with folks like that?

Graham Bechart:

So I'm blown away where this goes.

Graham Bechart:

I find myself training police officers and prisoners at the same time, and I think it's interesting to be like, wow, hopefully what we're doing.

Graham Bechart:

Like, I agreed to help train police officers because I wanted to lower use of force.

Graham Bechart:

And I was like, if we give them mental skills and equip them with all this stuff, right, Instead of reacting, right, learning to choose your response, that we know, deescalate, we know it intuitively, that's going to de.

Graham Bechart:

Escalate scenes.

Graham Bechart:

And when you see someone who's emotionally intelligent, we like to look at that as being an alpha.

Graham Bechart:

And Alpha is not who's got the biggest gun and muscles.

Graham Bechart:

It's who's the one who can harmonize the energy of the room.

Graham Bechart:

I always knew Alphas to be women around my life, you know, because they were the most skilled at this stuff.

Graham Bechart:

So I find myself working with police officers now, teaching them, and then most recently, being called to work in prisons.

Graham Bechart:

And I see this, like, amazing thing of, like, okay, someone gets released from prison, right, and they're coming back into the world, there is some pretty good odds against them at that point of re coming back in, you know, of just kind of playing out the same loop.

Graham Bechart:

So if we give them the mental skills to kind of choose their response in moments, right, and to breathe and not react, because most of them are in there because they reacted in a really challenging moment.

Graham Bechart:

And if we give the same skills to police officers now, we're creating a moment where perhaps two folks come together and they're like, the most mindful people in the world connecting in that moment.

Graham Bechart:

And maybe in the past, that was a, could be a pretty lethal, dangerous moment, you know, and now we're doing something different.

Graham Bechart:

So I'm always blown away where this stuff goes.

Graham Bechart:

And, you know, I, I don't feel called to sports.

Graham Bechart:

Like, I once, I mean, I still help out UConn this year.

Graham Bechart:

And, you know, I have the, my mental training academy I do every Sunday called Palms down for Kids.

Graham Bechart:

But, like, I'm not like, dying to go work with teams or to go help more pro athletes get better at being pros or something like that.

Graham Bechart:

Like, I did that for 20 straight years, and that's kind of like run its course on a deep level for me.

Graham Bechart:

And so it is kind of fun to see where it's going now and, you know, see where I'm supposed to, like, take this and serve.

Graham Bechart:

And I never would have thought police officers and prisoners, but pretty cool when you just kind of follow your heart to kind of see that so much bigger than you and it goes to play.

Graham Bechart:

Like when you're devoted to something and you just keep showing up, like, it goes there.

Graham Bechart:

And so, yeah, basically a producer working with police officers and prisoners.

Todd:

So, so crazy.

Todd:

Do you have, do you, do you have a larger dream or.

Todd:

I mean, I know a lot of people are going to be like, perfectly in the moment and seeing where it goes, and that's totally fair.

Todd:

You know, like, I have no idea where my business is taking me, and we'll just see what happens.

Todd:

But at the same time, do you have, like, a larger vision for how you might like to impact more and more people?

Graham Bechart:

I mean, I, I, I always do.

Graham Bechart:

I always see a big vision and I just remind myself to come back and handle it today.

Graham Bechart:

And that's how you get, like, the big things happening is you just do the little work today and it gets to really big stuff.

Graham Bechart:

So I've always known this was going to go to business for me, that it was going to be really, really big in a business space.

Graham Bechart:

And so I help out this company now called Dream Team and Dream Team DreamTeam wins.com is the website and we help ex athletes transition into software sales to make the make the leap.

Graham Bechart:

When they're done playing sports and they're done doing what they do, we help them kind of transition into this other space.

Graham Bechart:

And the two founders I've worked with, they're both basketball people.

Graham Bechart:

One I've coached with for 18 years, one did really well in sales and was always, always loved Basketball and was like, hey, I've been part of the three of the bigger IPOs in software sales.

Graham Bechart:

By the time I was 35, I got generational wealth.

Graham Bechart:

What I need to, like, help other people come into the space.

Graham Bechart:

And so they called me to ask me to be a part.

Graham Bechart:

My heart was like, yes, man.

Graham Bechart:

Like, this is it.

Graham Bechart:

So sports and sales are essentially identical, you know, so I've always had a big passion for both of those, and I see it going into the business realm now, into that space.

Graham Bechart:

And I'm building a team, a dream team, like, where I'm kind of.

Graham Bechart:

I'm the chief mindset officer.

Graham Bechart:

I think that's a pretty cool title.

Graham Bechart:

And I've always.

Graham Bechart:

And I'm just building a team.

Graham Bechart:

So I'm bringing on mental performance coaches and kind of.

Graham Bechart:

I really like helping other people be successful.

Graham Bechart:

I like helping other people set up generational wealth, you know, for their families.

Graham Bechart:

I really enjoy all of that.

Graham Bechart:

And, of course, all that starts with a mindset.

Graham Bechart:

So, yeah, it's going to business.

Graham Bechart:

I kind of knew it was always going to go there, and I just had to, you know, wait for the timing.

Graham Bechart:

And, you know, the last couple years when I've transitioned from basketball, I've kind of just been making this transition into business.

Graham Bechart:

And of course, music and, you know, police and folks who have been locked up.

Graham Bechart:

That's happening.

Graham Bechart:

But I see the next 20 years of my life really doing big things in business and helping companies create cultures where the mental game is seamlessly integrated into everything they do.

Graham Bechart:

And it's not some outside thing or some love luck.

Graham Bechart:

It's like we.

Graham Bechart:

Everything we do is a mindset.

Graham Bechart:

Everything we do, we develop people mentally.

Graham Bechart:

We develop them as human beings.

Graham Bechart:

And of course, what that does in business is profound.

Graham Bechart:

You know, so the cool thing about businesses in general, no one's physically trying to stop you.

Graham Bechart:

So it's a little bit different in sports.

Graham Bechart:

Like, in sports, someone's physically trying to stop you.

Graham Bechart:

In business, no one's doing that.

Graham Bechart:

So it's like you don't even have as many obstacles in sports, but you find the obstacles are just yourself.

Graham Bechart:

So the word CEO to me stands for Conscious Energy Officer.

Graham Bechart:

And if we can help train people to be a leader and lead from a place of energy, where they're only putting energy into the space that brings out the best and the people they're called to lead, can you imagine.

Graham Bechart:

Can you imagine what that does, how powerful that is?

Graham Bechart:

Like, sports is usually the first to pick up on stuff like this.

Graham Bechart:

It's kind of the barometer, that business copy sports.

Graham Bechart:

So just seems like a natural thing for me, Todd, to go into it.

Graham Bechart:

And I'm having a blast, man.

Graham Bechart:

Like, I'm really having a blast doing it.

Graham Bechart:

And I enjoy watching people flourish.

Graham Bechart:

And you know, that transition from being like, if you've been an athlete your whole life and transitioning into something else, that's not easy, you know, because you built an identity in a certain space and that's what's made you feel comfortable and.

Graham Bechart:

But yet that same mindset you had being successful as an athlete is overwhelmingly successful in business, let alone sales, where it is astronomically successful.

Graham Bechart:

And most people with software sales may not even know about that industry.

Graham Bechart:

It's an incredible industry.

Graham Bechart:

I think a lot of athletes get involved in, you know, maybe real estate or some kind of finance or something like that.

Graham Bechart:

And software sales is one of those things that is sky's the limit to what you can do with it.

Graham Bechart:

And as you know, like open AI or cloud, like, these businesses are booming, you know, and they're not going anywhere.

Graham Bechart:

And so to this point, AI can't sell big ticket, big ticket items.

Graham Bechart:

You need a human being for all those type of things.

Graham Bechart:

Turns out you need the nuance of a human being.

Graham Bechart:

So these human skills of being able to perform under pressure, to be present and all those, that in my assessment, is the ultimate thing where this is all going like all the technology we have, all the apps and whatever it is it's all leading to, can you connect to a human being?

Graham Bechart:

Because if you are not connected to a human being, you'll always be yearning for that.

Graham Bechart:

And once you know that, you know that, you know that every human needs to connect with other human beings.

Graham Bechart:

And so I see a peak of this technology that's like, say, for example, you're on a dating app and it gets everything but the actual human connection piece.

Graham Bechart:

It'll set you up next to the person, it'll tee the whole thing up, and then what's the last piece?

Graham Bechart:

You got to actually know how to be present with someone, to lean into vulnerability.

Graham Bechart:

Right?

Graham Bechart:

The actual, the actual thing.

Graham Bechart:

So to me, Todd, this technology here, this is the final frontier of what we're learning to use ourselves.

Graham Bechart:

And that's where everything is leading.

Graham Bechart:

So ultimately, when I, when I say I'm in business, I'm in the business of human development, you know, I'm in the business of helping humans unlock themselves, unleash themselves, and become unlimited.

Graham Bechart:

And we're just, we're going to do it through business.

Graham Bechart:

But whether you like it or not, that's where it's going, dude.

Todd:

100% agree is.

Todd:

Yeah, especially on the technology front.

Todd:

You know, I think that technology is giving us, you know, how, how you said that there's those challenges that kind of produce results essentially, you know, at a.

Todd:

At a rapid rate.

Todd:

And so now with technology, I think it kind of forces us to ask ourselves, what does it mean to be human?

Todd:

As if we are putting a neural link in our head and if we're replacing our arms and all, what does it actually mean to be human?

Todd:

And what does it mean to optimize ourselves as a human being?

Todd:

Does it mean putting in machinery?

Todd:

Does it mean increasing our character traits?

Todd:

To me, what it means to be human really means the love and the connection and all those things that are not tangible, you know, and so for us to, to improve those seems like one of the most important things as we move forward into a increasingly technological world.

Graham Bechart:

That's it, man.

Graham Bechart:

That's.

Graham Bechart:

That's how I.

Graham Bechart:

I mean, if you can't connect with another human being, right?

Graham Bechart:

If you can't get deep most of the time, another human being is the deepest we'll get in life.

Graham Bechart:

Like a relationship, something, could be a friendship, could be romantic.

Graham Bechart:

Whatever it is that requires you like to be open in that to open yourself up requires incredible work.

Graham Bechart:

So many people have just closed off their whole technology because they don't want to be hurt or whatever it is and don't even know how to get to the higher states of vibration, the higher states of existence.

Graham Bechart:

And when you get to the higher state of vibration or existence, nobody is wondering what the purpose of life is in those places.

Graham Bechart:

They're experiencing the totality of life and they're like, oh, my God.

Graham Bechart:

No one is like, what's.

Graham Bechart:

Why am I here?

Graham Bechart:

You really only ask that when you're not experiencing those levels of energy.

Graham Bechart:

When you experience that level of energy, you're not asking why you're here.

Graham Bechart:

You're like, this is it now.

Graham Bechart:

How.

Graham Bechart:

How do I feel this totality?

Graham Bechart:

How do I open myself up to this thing?

Graham Bechart:

And that's where the mental skills come in.

Graham Bechart:

That's where the devotion, the practice comes in.

Graham Bechart:

And so it's like all the technology is guiding you to that.

Graham Bechart:

You know what I mean?

Graham Bechart:

And just like, I.

Graham Bechart:

I guess I bet, like, no technology can work out for you, no matter what.

Graham Bechart:

It can set it up, it can create a workout for you, can make, put it in your house, it can make it easy, but it can't actually do it for you.

Graham Bechart:

You know, and so it's still, this still comes down to you have to have be responsible for yourself.

Graham Bechart:

And there's nothing going to take that away.

Graham Bechart:

There's nothing that you can just like avoid that work.

Graham Bechart:

And you could have what looks like everything in life, but if you can't connect with another human, you'll always know that something really profound is missing.

Graham Bechart:

That's something on a very deep level or else people will just go away.

Graham Bechart:

They would just want to be by themselves.

Graham Bechart:

That's not what happens.

Graham Bechart:

People need other human beings.

Graham Bechart:

What's the worst thing you can do to someone in prison?

Graham Bechart:

Isolate them, like take them away from everybody.

Graham Bechart:

It's worse than keeping them around everybody, you know what I mean?

Graham Bechart:

Like, that's the torture in life.

Graham Bechart:

So I think like to me all this stuff is just leading to, we're going to learn how to connect as humans.

Graham Bechart:

And that takes some work, it takes some vulnerability.

Graham Bechart:

But that's where all, that's where all the breakthroughs are, you know.

Graham Bechart:

So I'm in the business of that.

Graham Bechart:

I'm in the business of helping humans unlock themselves.

Graham Bechart:

And if technology can get you closer to the gym, no problem.

Graham Bechart:

You still got to walk through the doors.

Todd:

Yeah, right.

Graham Bechart:

You still, you could basically he can drop you off in front and tell you like, great job and here's all your metrics.

Graham Bechart:

But like you still gotta go, like still gotta go do it.

Todd:

So I'm curious about some of the deeper, let's say self worth issues that are behind someone's obsession with results or someone's inability or unwillingness to make mistakes, you know, as if it's like going to mean something very significant for them in a negative way.

Todd:

And so how would you kind of traverse or I guess I'm curious about some of your experiences traversing that line between counselor, therapist and mental skills coach.

Todd:

Because I personally believe that you could, you could solve.

Todd:

I don't want to.

Todd:

Maybe not solve is not the right word, but you can treat a lot of these, these things going on through the mental skills and not necessarily need to go to a counselor or therapist.

Todd:

But obviously everyone's completely different.

Todd:

Everyone's experiencing their own stuff.

Todd:

And so how have you kind of come up against that as a mental skills coach?

Todd:

Because that's something that personally scares me a little bit.

Graham Bechart:

Like just kind of like if something gets deep, like if someone.

Todd:

Yeah, like depression, like dealing with like actual depression, anxiety, being, being willing to refer out kind of that, that kind of stuff.

Todd:

I'm sure you've probably referred out someone at Some point.

Todd:

But at the same time you're kind of doing mental skills presentation, so you don't really need to like, you know, deal with that necessarily.

Todd:

So I'm curious, just important to know.

Graham Bechart:

Your own boundaries too.

Graham Bechart:

Like if you feel uncomfortable with something or something is like not where you feel qualified to help someone, it's definitely important to have like really great referrals within your system.

Graham Bechart:

I have some great doctors that I've built relationships with and I always have like a marriage and family therapy referrals.

Graham Bechart:

I got referrals that can help you through incredible trauma, you know, like, really, really, really deep stuff.

Graham Bechart:

So it's just important where you feel comfortable doing that and knowing your own boundaries and knowing kind of like, okay, what's my lane here?

Graham Bechart:

You know, I look at myself like a strength coach for your mind, you know, so if you're in like a life or death crisis, that's.

Graham Bechart:

I'm not the person, you know, can I help people?

Graham Bechart:

Can, you know, of course.

Graham Bechart:

But like, that's not my role.

Graham Bechart:

If someone.

Graham Bechart:

So for me, it's always really important to do this stuff now at this, with boundaries now.

Graham Bechart:

At the same time, I look at myself as a proactive teacher and most of the time, most of the stuff I'm teaching is addressing really, really deep stuff without them even knowing it.

Graham Bechart:

Right?

Graham Bechart:

When we're like, okay, we're going to work on total acceptance, that is incredibly deep, right?

Graham Bechart:

You're like, acceptance.

Graham Bechart:

Well, I'm going to start accepting how my parents are.

Graham Bechart:

I'm going to start accepting all this stuff I've been holding on to and all these things.

Graham Bechart:

So you might have incredible trauma built up in your life and then someone tells you that, hey, acceptance is totally okay.

Graham Bechart:

And that might start your work in that space, you know, to start looking at some of this stuff and exploring some of this stuff.

Graham Bechart:

But I'm always like, man, work with as many teachers as you can.

Graham Bechart:

Work with as many people who can help you out, you know, as you can and find the benefits of learning how to work with.

Graham Bechart:

Yeah, someone who's maybe a counselor, someone who's a therapist, someone who's a marriage and family therapist.

Graham Bechart:

Work with a mystical person.

Graham Bechart:

Work with someone.

Graham Bechart:

I know I have people in my life who have no degrees and they've written best selling books and they're just like, I'm so tapped into God.

Graham Bechart:

I can hear it clear and I'm, I can, I can write it out.

Graham Bechart:

I'm like, cool, man, let it rip.

Graham Bechart:

So I get like, let it rip.

Graham Bechart:

Like I Know, people with certifications and degrees and couldn't cross the street, you know, on their own, with their own selves.

Graham Bechart:

So never let education get in the way of intelligence.

Graham Bechart:

You know what I mean?

Graham Bechart:

Never, never mistake those two things at all.

Graham Bechart:

But it's important, you know, I hear a lot, I get this a lot, that, hey, Graham, there's a lot of frauds out there, and there's a lot of, like, people out, and I'm like, man, they don't come around me, you know?

Graham Bechart:

So I like, I.

Graham Bechart:

For whatever reason, I'm like, I don't really meet them, but I hear about that.

Graham Bechart:

So it's important, like, when you're looking to work with somebody, you know, to really feel confident, feel comfortable with them, and feel like this is the right thing, and even if someone has all the degrees and all that and it doesn't feel right, don't do it.

Graham Bechart:

You know what I mean?

Graham Bechart:

Like, listen.

Graham Bechart:

Listen to your deep intelligence.

Graham Bechart:

I think the important thing with doing this work is you got to have a connection with somebody, you know, like anyone's going to crop, you know, help you do this work.

Graham Bechart:

Like, you got to feel connected to them, just like a strength coach or something.

Graham Bechart:

Like, if you're working out with someone you feel connected to, that's way better than, you know, maybe working out with someone you don't.

Graham Bechart:

So.

Graham Bechart:

But this.

Graham Bechart:

This field is so vast now, Todd.

Graham Bechart:

It's so great.

Graham Bechart:

There's so many different specialists, so many different people who do amazing things in this space.

Graham Bechart:

And, you know, if you ever feel uncomfortable, it's important just to be like, hey, this is.

Graham Bechart:

This is out of my league.

Graham Bechart:

Let me refer you to someone who could really help you kick ass in this, you know?

Graham Bechart:

And I tell them, this is who I go to to work on this stuff.

Graham Bechart:

So, like, this is who I go to to work on my marriage and all that kind of stuff.

Graham Bechart:

This person has helped me out in all this space, so I like to talk about it loud and proud and be like, this is the stuff I'm doing with my life.

Graham Bechart:

So if I'm going to refer you to someone.

Graham Bechart:

No, I'm using them in the same way I'm referring them to you, you know?

Todd:

Hmm.

Todd:

So you said something really interesting to me, which was the fact that you could basically begin someone's journey through the kind of process of acceptance, or just them hearing about that idea and beginning to kind of unfold what that might mean to them and on how many levels they might need to really, truly accept things to.

Todd:

To move forward if people, if people are beginning that process of acceptance and they're leaving your talk and now they have a whole bag of things they need to process now, where might they begin?

Todd:

At home.

Todd:

You know, some resources, some things, some places to go to be like, okay, you know, Graham just opened a can of worms.

Todd:

He said some shit that hit me deep.

Todd:

And now I need to kind of like unpack this, you know, where would they go?

Graham Bechart:

I think like, well, first of all, congratulations in that moment, like once you've started your journey, right, so just start with this everyday thing and we're not going to go solve something like in one day or be like, oh my God, like, you go, thank God this is opened and we're going to start working on this stuff.

Graham Bechart:

So it could mean you're reading books.

Graham Bechart:

You just start checking everything out in the space that helps out because the start of it is it's awareness that activates your ability.

Graham Bechart:

So clearly something hit you that made you like, oh, I'm aware now, right?

Graham Bechart:

So you like, say you became aware of acceptance and you're like, okay, I'm aware now.

Graham Bechart:

That's activated something inside of you, right?

Graham Bechart:

So that thing is active.

Graham Bechart:

And once it's active now, it's just time to kind of check it out all the time, you know?

Graham Bechart:

And so for me, I started with books.

Graham Bechart:

I asked people around me, hey, I need help.

Graham Bechart:

Who would I go talk to?

Graham Bechart:

You know, you just start with that and you just start really, it's curiosity and courage is what this is.

Graham Bechart:

And you just start being curious of, like, what was I holding onto?

Graham Bechart:

I just, just became aware of acceptance.

Graham Bechart:

What the hell have I been holding on to?

Graham Bechart:

And you just start there, right?

Graham Bechart:

And you start your journey and you just start it and you'll go through it and you'll start doing research and you'll find people to read.

Graham Bechart:

And, you know, it gets fun because you're like, oh, who's it?

Graham Bechart:

Like, just however you found me, Todd, you know what I mean?

Graham Bechart:

Like, as it starts to open up, what helps is, hey, it's an everyday practice.

Graham Bechart:

Start with educating yourself, right?

Graham Bechart:

And just go from there.

Graham Bechart:

Just be curious about it.

Graham Bechart:

And then you start and there's a million places to go, you know, but like, once it's activated inside of you, it started like that, that's the moment, like, that's the whole thing.

Graham Bechart:

And you kind of curious and you check it out and you start becoming a student of the game.

Graham Bechart:

So I don't have an exact.

Graham Bechart:

Like, this is what you do, right after that or here's the exact thing.

Todd:

Yeah.

Graham Bechart:

But your curiosity's opened, so explore that.

Todd:

And that's.

Todd:

And that's powerful.

Graham Bechart:

Yeah.

Graham Bechart:

You start to look at yourself as being an explorer, right?

Graham Bechart:

And you go, okay.

Graham Bechart:

All great discoveries come from not knowing.

Graham Bechart:

You can't make a discovery if you already know.

Graham Bechart:

So the fact that you don't know this stuff, fantastic.

Graham Bechart:

Like, the one thing I do know, Todd, is I don't know.

Graham Bechart:

And the fact that I don't know means I can keep discovering every day.

Graham Bechart:

You know, Socrates, it works.

Graham Bechart:

You know what I mean?

Graham Bechart:

Don't know means, like, don't get caught up in stuff that ain't it.

Graham Bechart:

Like, listen deep and find a way to listen.

Graham Bechart:

So for me, it's every day.

Graham Bechart:

So every day I exercise, right?

Graham Bechart:

Every day I exercise because I hear better.

Graham Bechart:

And after I exercise, your mind tends to be a little more quiet.

Graham Bechart:

You tend to hear a little deeper.

Graham Bechart:

And what I'm attempting to do is, after I exercise, I want to hear essentially, my heart.

Graham Bechart:

Not up here, and if I can hear down here, I go serve that, and I follow it.

Graham Bechart:

And that's where the devotion comes in.

Graham Bechart:

That's just an everyday practice.

Graham Bechart:

And if you're like, I don't have time to work out, that's an absolute sign.

Graham Bechart:

You need to do it right?

Graham Bechart:

Because if you think about, say, like, a practice like yoga, and when I say working out, it could be like, take a walk around the block.

Graham Bechart:

Anything, just anything.

Graham Bechart:

And what you'll notice is if you devote yourself to a practice of something physical, it quiets your mind a little bit.

Graham Bechart:

You can hear a little better.

Graham Bechart:

And then when you can hear your heart a little better, now we start to build the skill set to follow it, right?

Graham Bechart:

To, like, follow this thing.

Graham Bechart:

And that's where the mental skills come in.

Graham Bechart:

Oh, I got to be present to hear it.

Graham Bechart:

I got to focus on what's in my control.

Graham Bechart:

I got to not react.

Graham Bechart:

I got to respond.

Graham Bechart:

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Graham Bechart:

I got to take a breath and move on, right?

Graham Bechart:

You start working all this stuff to make sure you hear.

Graham Bechart:

And as you do the work today, that's it, you know, and that's what you start doing.

Graham Bechart:

And you just build your practice from there.

Graham Bechart:

And it never ends, you know, there's never, like an end game.

Graham Bechart:

You just keep kind of enjoying the journey and checking it out, and you'll read all the books.

Graham Bechart:

You'll.

Graham Bechart:

You'll find all these philosophers and great, you know, teachers.

Graham Bechart:

And eventually you'll go back thousands of years and you'll.

Graham Bechart:

You'll start to Figure out where this stuff comes from.

Graham Bechart:

And none of this stuff is new.

Graham Bechart:

None of this stuff is like brand new stuff.

Graham Bechart:

It's been around forever.

Graham Bechart:

It's just, you know, whether or not you've been practicing in or what culture came up and did it.

Graham Bechart:

So, yeah, I mean, a great place to start.

Graham Bechart:

There's a great book, the Mindful Athlete by George Mumford.

Graham Bechart:

It's a great place.

Todd:

I love it.

Todd:

I love it.

Graham Bechart:

It's a great, great place to start.

Graham Bechart:

Kind of gives you like a little bit of everything in there and that, that should kind of spark your interest a little bit.

Graham Bechart:

Jerry lynch is another great author.

Graham Bechart:

He's written like 30 or 40 books.

Graham Bechart:

Anything by Jerry lynch, the Way of the Champion is a great one to start with.

Graham Bechart:

If you just start with the Way of the champion and the Mindful Athlete, those two are like really, really good.

Graham Bechart:

And they'll give you like a foundation of all this stuff and give you a place to start and practice and yeah, I mean, sheesh, that's a great place to start.

Todd:

That's perfect.

Todd:

That's perfect.

Todd:

And I love the key point for me there was the curiosity because there's a guy named Gaber Mate.

Todd:

He's like a doctor who's kind of turned into almost like a self regulation guru or I'm not really sure how to describe him, almost a therapist.

Todd:

But he talks about compassionate inquiry.

Todd:

So asking yourself things compassionately, not like, what's wrong with me?

Todd:

But like, you know, hey, what's, what's going on?

Todd:

What am I feeling?

Todd:

What's, you know, and so they're changing those, you know, from statements to, to compassionate questions.

Todd:

And I thought that was like kind of hinting at what you were getting out there too.

Graham Bechart:

You know, I always called it competitive compassion.

Graham Bechart:

Just to put it in a framework so someone knows how hardcore it is.

Graham Bechart:

Like when you're doing this stuff and being compassionate and curious, you are facing fears.

Graham Bechart:

Like that's what they're essentially saying is like instead of trying to force your way through something, you're like, hey, what am I actually afraid of?

Graham Bechart:

What is this?

Graham Bechart:

Eventually you're going to get to death.

Graham Bechart:

You're going to get to like, why am I afraid of dying?

Graham Bechart:

Like that's where it's going to go.

Graham Bechart:

I mean, anything you do afraid of failures, if you keep checking it out, eventually it's like there's a fear of death.

Graham Bechart:

And so if you keep exploring that, it'll take you there, it'll take you there.

Graham Bechart:

And once you start to get there and you're like, okay, what actually dies?

Graham Bechart:

What?

Graham Bechart:

Like, clearly the body comes and goes.

Graham Bechart:

Then you start to explore consciousness, and you start to, you know, check out consciousness a little bit, and you're like, man, seems like consciousness doesn't die ever.

Graham Bechart:

So you go, okay, if I identify with consciousness, is that everlasting life?

Graham Bechart:

I said that to my first teacher one time, and she just did this.

Graham Bechart:

He just put her thumb up, and I was like, okay, got it.

Graham Bechart:

Because I'm like, this body clearly doesn't last forever, right?

Graham Bechart:

Like, no.

Todd:

Yeah, yeah.

Graham Bechart:

But you're.

Graham Bechart:

But they're like, something does.

Graham Bechart:

And if you can start to figure out what that thing is on your journey.

Graham Bechart:

Yeah, I see a lot of people kind of really open up to a.

Graham Bechart:

To a different level.

Todd:

Yeah, I love it.

Todd:

And as you said earlier, it's like when you are at that place, when you find that place, then all of a sudden you're not so worried about what is my purpose.

Todd:

And now I need to prove myself.

Graham Bechart:

It's just a place of being.

Graham Bechart:

That stuff is like.

Graham Bechart:

It's almost like the sooner you can get through that part of your journey, the better.

Graham Bechart:

Not even better.

Graham Bechart:

I don't mean to say it like that, but, like, whatever you think your first goal is in life, I pray you hit that really quick.

Graham Bechart:

So then you realize that's not it.

Graham Bechart:

And then it's usually what happens after that.

Graham Bechart:

That's when it starts to get real.

Graham Bechart:

Because the first one, you're like, say you had a goal to make a billion dollars, and you make it, and you're like, damn, that.

Graham Bechart:

That didn't do anything for me.

Graham Bechart:

But, like, it drove you your whole life, you know?

Graham Bechart:

And then you get to this big outcome, and you're like, turns out that wasn't it.

Graham Bechart:

Then that can open up a lot of curiosity because you're like, if that wasn't it, well, what is it?

Todd:

What's the thing?

Graham Bechart:

And that's why most people that we talk about who are like, they usually hit some big goals, then they're like, oh, now I get it.

Graham Bechart:

You know, now I know what it is.

Graham Bechart:

It's not that.

Graham Bechart:

And so that's like a cool place to be, you know, was to be.

Graham Bechart:

Like, it's way beyond me.

Graham Bechart:

It's beyond what I think this is.

Graham Bechart:

And now I'm really curious and courageous, and I just want to go see what this is every day, you know, and kind of.

Graham Bechart:

And be in that space.

Todd:

Yeah, yeah.

Todd:

Like you said at first, it's probably going to be like, playoffs, so I just want to make it the playoffs and I'll be happy.

Todd:

Or then it's championship, then it's 2, 3, 4.

Todd:

Yeah.

Todd:

You know what I mean?

Todd:

Like, there's.

Todd:

What is it really?

Todd:

What is it really?

Todd:

You know, how do we think longer?

Todd:

How do we think bigger?

Todd:

I think that's very powerful for you to create that perspective for people.

Graham Bechart:

It'll help, too, because whatever you were into when you were six years old, it seemed really real, right?

Graham Bechart:

Like, so say it was legos.

Graham Bechart:

Say it was Legos and, like, Hot Wheels cars.

Graham Bechart:

Just making that up.

Graham Bechart:

And then you're like, this is it.

Graham Bechart:

Like, you know, Nintendo, video games, whatever it is, clearly a little while later, that's not it.

Graham Bechart:

So then maybe you're like, oh, maybe it's this next thing, I need a car or a home.

Graham Bechart:

So you get that, and you're like, damn, that wasn't it.

Graham Bechart:

And I'm not saying a car isn't great and a home isn't great.

Graham Bechart:

I'm not saying that.

Graham Bechart:

I'm just saying once you realize it's not an outside thing that you're looking for, and sometimes you got to go through a few of that to realize that's not it.

Graham Bechart:

It'll never be the outside thing.

Graham Bechart:

That's actually it.

Graham Bechart:

It's not.

Graham Bechart:

It's not that in nature.

Graham Bechart:

It's more transient than that.

Graham Bechart:

It's like, meaning, purpose, freedom, joy, and love.

Graham Bechart:

Like, how do you grasp those?

Graham Bechart:

You're like, where's meaning?

Graham Bechart:

You know what I mean?

Graham Bechart:

Like, where's meaning?

Graham Bechart:

You know what I mean?

Graham Bechart:

So you're like, these things aren't physical in nature, but yet those are the things we're really seeking.

Graham Bechart:

Those are the things or else we just would have been with Legos and 5, and I just have like 10 billion Legos now.

Graham Bechart:

And I'll be like, that's it, man.

Graham Bechart:

That's the whole key to happiness is a Lego.

Graham Bechart:

You know what I mean?

Graham Bechart:

So, I mean, that's how you can.

Graham Bechart:

Right in that moment, right?

Graham Bechart:

We laugh because we know in that moment that's real.

Graham Bechart:

You're like, oh, it's so.

Graham Bechart:

It can never be an outside thing, even 35 or 45.

Graham Bechart:

You're like, now I need this, this and this.

Graham Bechart:

You're like, you might need that, but you know that's not it.

Graham Bechart:

It can't.

Graham Bechart:

It can't be it.

Graham Bechart:

You know?

Graham Bechart:

And so it's like.

Graham Bechart:

It's kind of like both have the big home, have all the stuff you want, but also know that's not it and that.

Graham Bechart:

So you don't you know, it doesn't feel heavy.

Graham Bechart:

You still feel light.

Graham Bechart:

And you're not just holding on to stuff, but you have the stuff, but you're aware of that.

Graham Bechart:

It's the energy in the moment.

Graham Bechart:

That's the actual thing.

Graham Bechart:

Like, that's the realest thing.

Graham Bechart:

That's the realest offering I've noticed I ever have.

Graham Bechart:

It's just the energy, you know, it's just energy.

Graham Bechart:

The words are.

Graham Bechart:

Later, the words are describing the energy, but it's not the actual thing.

Todd:

Yeah, yeah, I agree.

Todd:

Even you were even talking about that example earlier.

Todd:

If people were to communicate with each other and be given, you know, then the dating app set up to each other, they could literally be given scripts.

Todd:

But it's like, it doesn't.

Todd:

It doesn't matter.

Todd:

You're going to be, what's the energy behind.

Todd:

Behind the words?

Todd:

And imagine how am I feeling?

Graham Bechart:

Like athlete doesn't know when they're going to have success.

Graham Bechart:

They can't tell you, hey, in the four, four minutes into the game, I'm going to score, and then eight minutes later, I'm gonna like, nobody knows.

Graham Bechart:

That's why athletes, they're like, dude, I don't know.

Graham Bechart:

I'm gonna be present and go see, you know, and that can.

Graham Bechart:

To your intellect, to the smaller self, that can feel really scary because the intellect wants to know when it's all going to happen, how it's going to work.

Graham Bechart:

And just ask it, do you want to know the day you're going to die?

Graham Bechart:

And it'll be like, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Graham Bechart:

So you're like, you don't want to know where this goes.

Graham Bechart:

That's where it's going.

Graham Bechart:

So that's where it's like, that's not the thing we want to follow, right?

Graham Bechart:

We follow that thing deeper.

Graham Bechart:

And what I found about the deeper intelligence, call it your heart.

Graham Bechart:

Put that in front and then put your intellect behind that and let your intellect support the heart.

Graham Bechart:

Most of the time we have the intellect first.

Graham Bechart:

Convincing the heart what to do.

Graham Bechart:

And that's like, you know, that's like having a blind person drive your car.

Graham Bechart:

You're like, you know what?

Graham Bechart:

This ain't going to work well for very long.

Graham Bechart:

And I'm not talking about a driverless car.

Graham Bechart:

Like, I'm talking about someone who's like, I got the directions.

Graham Bechart:

You're like, you don't have the directions.

Todd:

You don't got.

Graham Bechart:

Your intellect will convince you it has the directions.

Graham Bechart:

It doesn't.

Graham Bechart:

It doesn't know any different.

Graham Bechart:

And what, what our job to do is be like, hey, I totally get it, but you're not in charge and have an intellect big enough to grasp that, you know, and like, have an intellect big enough they can understand.

Graham Bechart:

This thing doesn't understand how it works.

Graham Bechart:

It tries.

Graham Bechart:

It can only grasp what it can understand.

Graham Bechart:

But once it goes into curiosity and the unknown, it is like it does not know what's going on.

Graham Bechart:

And so don't put it in charge in those moments.

Todd:

Yeah, so.

Todd:

So I want to segue into.

Todd:

I'm curious, I know that you worked with Aaron Gordon and Jalen Brown more as kids when you're doing your kids camps and stuff.

Todd:

And so you were, you had a message that resonated with them at the time.

Todd:

And these are young kids, so obviously, you know, we're talking about deep things right now.

Todd:

We're talking about death, we're talking about life, we're talking about all these things.

Todd:

And obviously, like, that's not going to be quite the thing that's going to hit them the same way.

Todd:

And so.

Todd:

And so, yeah, so I'm curious, like, what, what did you say in those kind of camps that resonated with them specifically and how if you can kind of share a story about their development at all about how some of these things started clicking maybe later on even.

Graham Bechart:

Well, one, I don't need anything from them.

Graham Bechart:

So you never want to look for validation from kids with whatever you're doing, and that's very powerful.

Graham Bechart:

When I do that, I don't need validation from anyone.

Graham Bechart:

So that opens up a pathway to talk to someone that's not transactional.

Graham Bechart:

It's not like, well, if I do this, I need you to do this thing.

Graham Bechart:

Like, I don't have any experience in that at all.

Graham Bechart:

So most of the time that opens people's minds up and we're just talking hoops, you know what I mean?

Graham Bechart:

Like, we're just, we're just talking getting buckets and hoops and that.

Graham Bechart:

And that's an easy way to connect with a young person.

Graham Bechart:

And it's only later on in life as you do a bunch of work together, that it goes to wherever, you know, wherever it's going to go.

Graham Bechart:

But we always just start off with basketball.

Graham Bechart:

You always just meet someone where they're at.

Graham Bechart:

Usually they want to win at something.

Graham Bechart:

So you just kind of, you start there, you know what I mean?

Graham Bechart:

And that's kind of the foundation.

Graham Bechart:

And I'm culturally competent in basketball and with athletes, so I'm always comfortable in that space.

Graham Bechart:

And yeah, you just kind of Roll there.

Graham Bechart:

Like you don't come off, jump in the deep end the first day you meet somebody, you know what I mean?

Graham Bechart:

And you just kind of meet them where they are.

Graham Bechart:

Go from there and talk hoops and sheesh.

Graham Bechart:

That's, you know, that's, that's, that's what I'm good at.

Graham Bechart:

So just kind of building everyday relationships and connections.

Graham Bechart:

That's it.

Graham Bechart:

You know, just start there.

Graham Bechart:

Sorry, bird just flew in my room here too.

Graham Bechart:

Wow.

Todd:

Oh my gosh.

Todd:

No way.

Graham Bechart:

Yeah, two hummingbirds are just right here, right above me right now.

Graham Bechart:

It's wild.

Todd:

That's crazy.

Graham Bechart:

One just flew out, but one's here.

Graham Bechart:

Yeah, that's pretty cool.

Todd:

Where can people find you if they are super interested in your work?

Todd:

Have loved what you have to say and want to.

Todd:

Want to hear some of your talks and things.

Graham Bechart:

Yeah, totally.

Graham Bechart:

I mean, I'm, you know, grandbechard.com is my website and dream teamwins.com that's the, the company I work with.

Graham Bechart:

And you know, Palms down is my Sunday mental training gym for athletes.

Graham Bechart:

So it's every Sunday, 4:30pm West Coast.

Graham Bechart:

We do it all on Zoom.

Graham Bechart:

Palmsdown.co is there.

Graham Bechart:

Maybe it's palmsdown us.

Graham Bechart:

The website's not, not up yet, but we've been running that business for like a year.

Graham Bechart:

And then music wise, I'm under Graham the guide guidance, so if you want to check out some of the music, it's all there.

Graham Bechart:

Oh, and I also just finished my first course that designed with 96 videos, 80 audios and 40 music that's taken me a decade to make.

Graham Bechart:

That's mindset fusion www.mindsetfusion.co we just released that course last week so that's available for everyone.

Graham Bechart:

And then, you know, trainthemind.com I got a of stuff going on, man.

Graham Bechart:

My, my job is service so I'll just keep making this stuff, trying to make it simple.

Graham Bechart:

So hit me up.

Graham Bechart:

I'll always hit you back.

Todd:

I love it, dude.

Todd:

I love it and it's been an honor having you on the show and I'm definitely gonna have to bring you on and I definitely need more of your time to talk about more things.

Todd:

But you've.

Todd:

You've been amazing.

Todd:

Super grateful to have you.

Todd:

Thank you everybody for watching and, and you take care.

Todd:

Graham, right?

Graham Bechart:

I hate Todd.

Graham Bechart:

That was awesome, man.

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Evolving Potential

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Todd Smith