Episode 27
The Art of Being Unfuckwithable: How to Cultivate Resilience and Self-Acceptance
The exploration of the concept "unfuckwithable" serves as the cornerstone of this enlightening podcast episode, as the speakers delve into the intricate relationship between self-perception and performance. They elucidate that feelings of stagnation are frequently rooted in limiting beliefs and subconscious doubts, which, unbeknownst to individuals, might be inhibiting their potential. The conversation features Jen Graffice, an esteemed performance mindset coach, who shares her wealth of experience coaching elite athletes and teams, emphasizing the importance of self-acceptance irrespective of external validation. Listeners are invited to contemplate their own journeys toward becoming "unfuckwithable," as they discover that true peace and confidence arise from within. The episode concludes with a compelling reminder that personal evolution is an ongoing process, and that every individual possesses the agency to redefine their aspirations and achieve their highest potential.
Takeaways:
- The term 'unfuckwithable' encapsulates a profound state of self-acceptance and inner peace, transcending external validation.
- Individuals often discover that their perceived limitations arise from subconscious beliefs, highlighting the complexity of self-awareness and personal growth.
- The concept of Q Life emphasizes the integration of mental, physical, and emotional well-being, illustrating the interconnectedness of various life aspects.
- Supportive communication, particularly between parents and children, is vital for fostering resilience and confidence in young athletes.
- Engaging in creative visualization techniques, such as imagining a magic carpet, can enhance team cohesion and individual focus during competitive events.
- Embracing failure as a necessary component of success allows individuals to cultivate resilience and maintain motivation, facilitating personal and professional growth.
Transcript
Did you know that the word unfuck withable is actually a word?
Speaker A:And what would you think that means?
Speaker A:When we feel stuck, it's typically a limiting belief or some sort of doubt that we have about ourselves.
Speaker A:And we don't always know where it might come from.
Speaker A:We might think we know, but our subconscious might be holding us back for an entirely different reason.
Speaker A:And that's kind of the fun of the puzzle.
Speaker A:But it was like a deep rooted thing that I had done.
Speaker A:Once I did, it was like wow, like exponentially.
Speaker A:I'm like, okay, I have so much more to give.
Speaker A:But the true definition of to be unfuck withable is actually regardless.
Speaker A:Regardless of criticism or praise, I'm at peace with myself.
Speaker B:Welcome to the Evolving Potential podcast.
Speaker B:This is episode number 27.
Speaker B:Today we have on the show Jen Graphis.
Speaker B:Jen is an elite performance mindset coach, speaker, author, who's coached 15 different sports and 8, 000 clients internationally.
Speaker B:She is a mindset coach for multiple world champion, world champion cheerleading teams, has worked with NFL quarterbacks J.J.
Speaker B:mcCarthy and Kedon Slovis as well as PGA pro St.
Speaker B:Shane Burch.
Speaker B:She's a master practitioner and NLP something called MER, which is mental and emotional release and hypnosis.
Speaker B:She has a degree in sports medicine and is a certified mental mindset coach.
Speaker B:She's created her own app called Q Life where she offers a Q Life confidence course and Beast mode mindset course as well as 24 access to mindset tools and a community of like minded people to do this with.
Speaker B:She's also super into fitness and nutrition and have and won her pro card on her very first bodybuilding show.
Speaker B:She's also hosted a radio show called Money, Marketing and Mindset in which she interviewed Louise Gonzalez and Kurt Warner and then her free time.
Speaker B:She also happens to study the influence of energy and frequencies on human performance, which is very intriguing to myself as you know.
Speaker B:So welcome to the show, Jen.
Speaker A:Wow, that was a great, great intro.
Speaker A:Thanks.
Speaker A:I appreciate that.
Speaker A:You basically covered it all very quickly.
Speaker B:All right.
Speaker B:Yeah, we can wrap it up.
Speaker A:Exactly.
Speaker B:Very good.
Speaker B:So how did you go from being interested in sports medicine, fitness and then kind of bridging into the of like this mindset stuff that obviously is a little bit elusive to some people still.
Speaker A:Yeah, you know, I think that's kind of the, the beauty of like, I think that my career has just kind of evolved as I have from the sports medicine degree and I was a certified athletic trainer at the high school level to then I moved to Arizona and with managed Healthcare.
Speaker A:It kind of changed the demographics of my career and my job.
Speaker A:So they wanted me to be a head athletic trainer of five high schools and go to a different high school every single day.
Speaker A:And that just in my mind was not necessarily quality care.
Speaker A:And on top of that they also wanted me to teach like 24 hours of credits for college in the health and like athletic training space.
Speaker A:And it just didn't, didn't seem to align where I was like how, how do you do that?
Speaker A:And so that's when I branched into the fitness community.
Speaker A:I got my personal trainer cert, my advanced personal trainer certification.
Speaker A:And then that led me into running and operating athletic clubs and spas and like the private sector community, country clubs and then master plan communities.
Speaker A:And then I had kids and family and as my kids were growing up and became into sports and I kind of started like missing that whole interaction with kids.
Speaker A:And I love coaching and I was an athlete.
Speaker A:My kids were becoming competitive athletes.
Speaker A:And so I started watching the dynamics between the coaches and the athletes and boy sports versus girl sports and the different interactions and motivations that they have.
Speaker A:My son was in a football, a football competitive football team that was very like military and disciplined style.
Speaker A:And then my daughter was in dance and cheerleading.
Speaker A:And so that was an entirely different kind of coaching style.
Speaker A:So just watching it and then my quest, I'm a personal development junkie and I love to learn about all things like elevating ourselves and getting better.
Speaker A:And so along with that I just kind of started being the volunteer mindset coach or athletic trainer for my kids teams.
Speaker A:And then that just kind of led into like not just the physical performance, but then the mental performance that helps the physical performance.
Speaker A:So then that's when I started getting certifications in you know like the NLP and the extreme focus coaching and things like that.
Speaker A:And so it just kind of all evolved.
Speaker A:And now my business kind of encompasses everything from the physical to the mental to the emotional well being, which I think is again, it's just an evolution, but it also kind of a little bit sets me apart because of my background and just kind of all the things that kind of come together when it comes to Q life.
Speaker A:Right when we're living our quality life, it's not just one thing, it's kind of a conglomeration of a bunch.
Speaker B:Yeah, yeah, no, and we talked about that in person a little bit, which I think is so cool that you're doing because I had had it in my mind that I needed to like move into this new thing, like, okay, now, you know, I used to be a personal trainer myself as well.
Speaker B:I used to compete in bodybuilding.
Speaker B:And so it's like, okay, now I'm studying, like, mindset and performance and, you know, performance psychology.
Speaker B:And so I guess I have to, like, figure out where my lane is now.
Speaker B:And, like, it's almost been like, re.
Speaker B:Rebranding versus, like, integrating, you know, those skills into something greater, which is, like, really intriguing for what you're doing.
Speaker B:Like, I've been so fascinated with how you've been able to kind of figure all that out and then obviously moving into the space, like, you don't work for anybody doing this.
Speaker B:Like, you have your own thing.
Speaker B:And that's something that's always been intriguing to me as well, is I don't.
Speaker B:I don't want to work for a team.
Speaker B:I don't want to be a mentor performance coach that's traveling 200 days out of the year.
Speaker B:As cool as that might be for a year or two or something.
Speaker B:You know what I'm like, yeah, no, no, thanks.
Speaker B:I want to do this on my own terms.
Speaker B:I want to have my own things.
Speaker B:And I.
Speaker B:And I just think that's so awesome that you've been able to get to that point.
Speaker A:Yeah, it's been.
Speaker A:It's been a journey, but it's been really, really fun.
Speaker A:And like you said, the evolution of it, that at the time, I didn't really recognize that.
Speaker A:I was just kind of more cogs to my wheel of my ability to service my clients.
Speaker A:But even like yesterday I was talking to one of my.
Speaker A:My athletes.
Speaker A:I have a swimmer that's gone to the, like, Junior Olympic trials.
Speaker A:And I was talking to her, you know, her mom and she had been to other coaches, and she was just like, I just want to let you know I love your homework.
Speaker A:Like, you're not just talking about, like, the mental stuff.
Speaker A:Like, you are giving her macros and like, making sure she's fueling her body properly with the amount of protein she's consuming.
Speaker A:And like, that's like, that's like it.
Speaker A:Like, that's the whole thing.
Speaker A:And I was like, yeah, kind of is.
Speaker A:It's.
Speaker A:It' not just like one thing.
Speaker A:You gotta fuel your body to be able to fuel your mind.
Speaker A:And then we can also work on the mindset thing of the burnout of the, you know, the focus, the anxieties, the performing under pressure, all of that as well.
Speaker A:But, like, you gotta take care of your body too.
Speaker B:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker B:And it's not something that you hear a lot.
Speaker B:It's not something that, like, people feel comfortable sharing enough.
Speaker B:And it's.
Speaker B:And it's.
Speaker B:You can keep it so basic, or you can go down to the macros.
Speaker B:And either way, it's like that information is so valuable to people who may not be exposed to it, who may not know the value of it.
Speaker B:Like, you know, you told me a story in the past, I remember, of, you know, changing someone's breakfast plan, and all of a sudden, like, now they.
Speaker B:Now they perform so much better, and they're like, you know, Whereas, like, they might have, you know, thought that it's like, oh, it's my mind.
Speaker B:It's this or that.
Speaker B:And like, oh, I didn't practice enough.
Speaker B:And it's like, dude, you just didn't eat breakfast, right?
Speaker B:Like 100 eat a solid breakfast, my guy.
Speaker A:No, exactly right.
Speaker A:And I even have, like, a client, another young lady right now that she just was, like, kind of like she has a mental block and she can no longer perform something that she wanted to.
Speaker A:And we know that it's, you know, has to do with her confidence level.
Speaker A:And for whatever reason, I gave her a couple of creative, like, I finally hit something that, like, was of interest to her, and it's creative and arts.
Speaker A:And so we came up with, like, her own beast mode, animal.
Speaker A:And she drew it, and it's like this really cool thing.
Speaker A:And then suddenly I get a text message from her tumbling coach that was like, oh, my God, she had the best day ever.
Speaker A:Like, wow.
Speaker A:Like, her confidence is soaring.
Speaker A:And I'm like, I don't think it had anything to do with tumbling.
Speaker A:It had to do with her lack of confidence.
Speaker A:And we touched on something, whether it be art or something that connected the dots for her, that just kind of brought the joy back that then, you know, fed into her confidence that then translates into those things that we do.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:I mean, it's the same within our careers.
Speaker A:We think it's one thing, but it could be something else that's kind of getting us stuck, man.
Speaker B:And so.
Speaker B:And so how.
Speaker B:How would you go about explaining some of those intangibles to someone who is not sure how you can help people.
Speaker A:In regards to what the intangibles of.
Speaker B:So, like, someone being able to learn something like, like a mindset shift or a.
Speaker B:Or an identity shift, and then really, like, that completely translate into.
Speaker B:Into their performance.
Speaker B:You know, that might be something that is challenging to go into an organization or whatever and believe that there's going to be roi for you, you know, helping someone with their.
Speaker B:You Know, feel more confident or have an identity shift.
Speaker A:Yeah, I think just kind of laying out the groundwork when I, when I'm sharing with an organization or with parents or with coaches or with an executive team in regards to, it's not just one thing fits all.
Speaker A:And I am very open in the fact that, hey, when you hire me, I'm not just going to ask you about your organization.
Speaker A:I'm not just going to ask your athlete about their sport.
Speaker A:I'm going to kind of over compass and, and ask them about everything from their friends to their co workers, to their, what they eat, you know, to their social life to how they feel about their parents or how they feel about their bosses.
Speaker A:Because when you get a bigger picture of what's driving them, then you can start to kind of uncover what's underneath and where they might, they may be affected, you know, so it, you don't always know.
Speaker A:And to me that's kind of the beauty of it.
Speaker A:At the end of the day when we feel stuck, it's typically a limiting belief or some sort of doubt that we have about ourselves.
Speaker A:And we don't always know where it might, where it might come from.
Speaker A:You know, we may, might think we know, but our subconscious might be holding us back for an entirely different reason.
Speaker A:And that's kind of the fun of the puzzle, is kind of figuring it all.
Speaker A:And 99% of what I do is just kind of help people to find their confidence again.
Speaker A:Because when we have our confidence, then we're willing to do so many, so many more things and reach our potential to even beyond our potential when we have that confidence back, that's a perfect.
Speaker B:Segue into me being curious.
Speaker B:And to hear your story again about uncovering some of the limiting beliefs that you faced heading into this career or you know, going into NLP and, and really uncovering like holy moly, like there's so much here.
Speaker B:Unpacking the onion layer that is the self.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker A:For me, yeah, I mean, yes, it's just an evolution.
Speaker A:I love to go to conferences and learn things and like with the nlp, for those that don't know, NLP is neuro linguistic programming.
Speaker A:And in essence it's all about.
Speaker A:We become what we speak about, we become what we think about, our thoughts become things.
Speaker A:And so the more that we can really dive into, like how we are believing our belief system about ourselves and our thoughts about ourselves, ourselves helps us translate into basically who we want to become.
Speaker A:And to your point, sometimes we're not sure and we don't know what's holding us back?
Speaker A:We may think it may, may be a fear.
Speaker A:For example, a lot of people, you know, have a fear of failure.
Speaker A:For me, I know I believe I shared this with you.
Speaker A:For me, as I was learning and uncovering and kind of delving deep into my, my own unconscious brain, mine wasn't actually a fear of failure.
Speaker A:Mine ended up being a fear of success.
Speaker A:And what does that do?
Speaker A:And that fear of success was deeply rooted because I was adopted and I was so grateful to be adopted.
Speaker A:And for whatever reason, which it doesn't sound logical, I just was so proud to be in a family.
Speaker A:And I love my parents who have created this beautiful life for me, that for whatever reason, I never wanted to be more successful than them because I felt like that would be a sign of disrespect.
Speaker A:Again, not logically, but from the subconscious level, I just felt like I don't want to do anything that would make them feel like I was disrespecting them.
Speaker A:So a fear of success and not wanting to supersede where they were.
Speaker A:And the beautiful thing is now that I've broken through that, my whole goal and my whole mission is to actually take care of my parents.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:We're taking them on a cruise to Alaska here in June.
Speaker A:And it's one of my bucket list items, you know, so.
Speaker A:So when you break through that and understand, no, I have so much more to give and now I can say how much, how, you know, how grateful I am and I've always wanted to, to just share that with them, so.
Speaker A:But it takes some work, you know, that's powerful.
Speaker B:That's powerful.
Speaker B:You know, you could, you could play it small and make them feel good about themselves, I suppose, you know, or, or really, you know, do it, do it big and it has nothing to do.
Speaker B:And they would be proud of you too.
Speaker B:And that's like, like you said, it's not really a logical thing that's going on there.
Speaker B:It's not like you're like, oh, you know, they'd be mad at me and they'd be, you know, resentful towards me if I was more successful than them.
Speaker B:It's like, obviously not.
Speaker B:Not, you know, it was like a.
Speaker A:Deep rooted thing that I had.
Speaker A:Once I did, it was like, wow, like exponentially.
Speaker A:I'm like, okay, I have so much more to give and I can continue to reach for, you know, the stars.
Speaker B:Absolutely.
Speaker B:And, and then, so there was another story that I was really intrigued by.
Speaker B:You know, for anybody who doesn't know, like, Me and Jen sat down for like an hour.
Speaker B:We didn't mean to.
Speaker B:I met her in person and we just started talking and I'm like, man, we have to touch on at least some of the stuff we.
Speaker B:That when we do the episode that we touched on person.
Speaker B:So we're going to reference that.
Speaker B:You know, I'm going to reference that.
Speaker B:But you had told me a story about how you really got, like, thrust into public speaking the first time.
Speaker B:Like, you got the opportunity to like, share your.
Speaker B:Your expertise and you're really overwhelmed, excited, and, and kind of like that opened the door for you to feel a little bit more comfortable doing all of this.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker A:And do you remember which story it was?
Speaker A:Just so that we're on the same page, was it in regards to public speaking, like when I went to the high school or.
Speaker B:Yeah, yeah, yep, the high school, yeah.
Speaker B:They had asked you to speak, speak in front of everybody, and you're like, oh, God, you know.
Speaker A:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker A:So.
Speaker A:And again, it's just amazing how, like, God works in such mysterious ways.
Speaker A:Because the high school that asked me to speak, I was one of the coaches, my nephew.
Speaker A:So it was in Ohio, and my nephew plays baseball in Ohio.
Speaker A:So whenever I go to Ohio, again, the beauty of having your own business and being able to travel and go where you want.
Speaker A:I have pretty much targeted Ohio so that I can go back and see my family a few times a year.
Speaker A:So when I go back, I work with my nephew's baseball team and, you know, those kinds of things.
Speaker A:Well, one of his coaches actually was also a coach at Swanton High School.
Speaker A:And it just so happened that Swanton High School was the very first high school that I was an athletic trainer at.
Speaker A:And so that was my very first job out of college was at this school.
Speaker A:And then the school reached out to me and said, hey, we heard some cool things about you and what you're doing with the youth.
Speaker A:We're having a senior day and where we want to prepare all of the outgoing seniors, what it's going to be like for life outside of school.
Speaker A:And would you be interested in coming and being our keynote speaker?
Speaker A:And I was like, wow, okay, yes, I would love to.
Speaker A:And what does that even mean?
Speaker A:And so it was such an incredible experience.
Speaker A:And I mean, talk about full circle.
Speaker A:Like, my very first job out of, out of high school was being the athletic trainer at this high school.
Speaker A:And then, you know, however many 20 years later, I get called back to be a keynote speaker for the same school.
Speaker A:And that was just such an Incredible experience.
Speaker A:Like, super fun.
Speaker A:I'm going back this year.
Speaker A:They invited me to come back again.
Speaker B:No way.
Speaker B:Nice.
Speaker A:Yeah, so.
Speaker A:So, yeah, so now I have a different topic.
Speaker A:Even though it's a different set of, you know, athletes or different set of students, I'm, I'm, you know, upgrading my own message.
Speaker A:So, yeah, really excited for that.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:That's crazy.
Speaker B:As you should be.
Speaker B:As you should be.
Speaker A:Yeah, super.
Speaker A:And then I actually did go back.
Speaker A:This was even again.
Speaker A:I went back just a couple a month ago and I worked with the Swanton's baseball team.
Speaker A:So it was a more intimate group.
Speaker A:And one of the coaches of the baseball team was like, hey, by the chance, do you remember who I am?
Speaker A:And I was like, no, I kind of remember the name.
Speaker A:And he said, I was a junior trainer when you were the head athletic trainer at the high school.
Speaker A:He said, and now I'm a coach.
Speaker A:He said I was like the one handing you tape when you were taping ankles.
Speaker A:And like, he was a junior in high school when I was the head athletic trainer at the school.
Speaker A:Now he's a coach and I was speaking to his son.
Speaker B:Wow.
Speaker A:How cool is that?
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Like, what a small world.
Speaker A:And how cool.
Speaker A:Like again, just full circle.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:So as you refine your messaging that you were talking about, you know, having a different topic that you speak on, I think that maybe we could lump two kind of questions together.
Speaker B:Here is like, as you're finding your messaging, what is kind of the two or three things that are.
Speaker B:You're speaking on the most, as well as, like, what things are coming up the most within your coaching, which are probably similar topics that you're speaking on.
Speaker A:Yeah, they could be so typically my.
Speaker A:Because I do have a.
Speaker A:I have a full Q Life camp.
Speaker A:And then so that my.
Speaker A:My full camp, which is also kind of a structure of like a keynote speech that I would do, it would just be shortened because my camp is three hours, and then a keynote would be 45 minutes to an.
Speaker A:So the camp is definitely more experiential, where every segment has an activity that goes with it to kind of ground it in with what they're learning and what they're doing.
Speaker A:But it's all about the five pillars of a Q life.
Speaker A:So Q Life stands for living your quality life.
Speaker A:And then the five pillars are Q Life, Q Mind, Q Body, Q Soul, and Q Community.
Speaker A:So Q Life is all about the dreaming and the goal setting and what that means to be able to.
Speaker A:It's so incredibly sad for me when I ask kids what their dreams are.
Speaker A:And even adults, but, you know, adults kind of like lose sight of their dreams because they get so into life.
Speaker A:But even young kids anymore, like, they just, they don't.
Speaker A:They.
Speaker A:Their imagination is gone because of social media.
Speaker A:And so I'm like, what's your dream?
Speaker A:What do you want to do?
Speaker A:Where do you want to go?
Speaker A:And they're like, I don't know.
Speaker A:I.
Speaker A:I don't, I don't.
Speaker A:I've never thought about it.
Speaker A:And, you know, when we were kids, we like, we're like, oh, I want to be Wonder Woman.
Speaker A:I want to do this.
Speaker A:I want to go here.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:So the dreaming, like teaching them to dream and then goal setting and then Q Mind is all about the mental resilience, the fear of failure, the building of the confidence.
Speaker A:So the mindset component of it.
Speaker A:Q Body can be anything from, again, how we're fueling our body to our own body image, to our sleep, to the amount of water that we're consuming.
Speaker A:So anything that has to do with taking care of our physical body.
Speaker A:And then qsol, which is a big topic.
Speaker A:It's such a small, minute thing, but to me, it's a really big topic, specifically with some of that.
Speaker A:The kids and athletes that I work with, because they're so scheduled, they have so many things.
Speaker A:They're going to school, they're.
Speaker A:They're training, they're volunteering.
Speaker A:They're, you know, from morning until night, they are like, scheduled, scheduled, scheduled.
Speaker A:So QSOL is all about reconnecting with the micro minutes of just what brings you joy.
Speaker A:So every one of my clients, I give an assignment that has to do with them, like refreshing and, and getting.
Speaker A:Giving themselves that those micro moments of joy, whether that be take a bath, whether it be call a friend, whether it be, you know, it doesn't have to be anything big and extravagant, like I'm going on a big vacation.
Speaker A:Just something that connects with themselves, with themselves.
Speaker A:And then Q Community is all about, of course, who you're surrounding yourselves with.
Speaker A:With.
Speaker A:So how are you showing up within your community and who are you surrounding yourselves with?
Speaker A:Because as we know, we are, you know, the sum of the five people we hang around.
Speaker A:So are you playing big and surrounding up and surrounding yourself with some people that are.
Speaker A:That you aspire to be, or are you trying to be the big fish in the pond where, you know, you're not necessarily challenging yourself too much, or are you being sucked down by it because you unfortunately are surrounding yourself with.
Speaker A:With people that are a little bit negative or toxic so, and so you.
Speaker B:Find yourself kind of doing a nice integration of all those concepts within a, within like a talk.
Speaker A:Yes, within a.
Speaker A:Yeah, within a talk.
Speaker A:And then of course, if I, if there was a specific subject that somebody would want me to speak on, any one of those topics can be turned into an entire hour long topic because there, there's a lot to unpack when you, when you go into those, those, you know, those types of things.
Speaker A:Specifically the mind, the mind component, I mean the body component with the nutrition and how we're caring for our bodies and the type of foods and sugars and all of those things, that's an entirely, can be an entirely different topic.
Speaker A:And then, you know, just the whole confidence, confidence topic we can talk about forever.
Speaker A:So.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:And for me, for me that what stands out the most, you know, I love having conversations with people about their dreams just like you.
Speaker B:It's like no matter if I'm working around somebody, it's like I, I know that we, we show up to work in the normal work day.
Speaker B:You know, a lot of people that don't do their dream job like you, we show up to work a normal, you know, day and it's like, you know, there's, there's not a whole lot of thought around that.
Speaker B:You know, like, you know, we're, we're an individual that's coming here to seek a larger mission, hopefully.
Speaker B:But hopefully.
Speaker B:And some people lose track of that.
Speaker B:Some people don't have a larger mission.
Speaker B:And then everything just feels so hard.
Speaker B:Hard, you know, for me, for me it's like, it's this balance of like.
Speaker B:Well, you don't want to be so rigid in like your ways so that you only do exactly what you think you should do.
Speaker B:But at the same time it's like you really just want to, to be able to.
Speaker B:Grounded in, in that feeling of, of chasing your dreams and doing whatever it is that you want to do.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:And I think and, and that ties to the whole purpose.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:Like what is, like what is your actual purpose?
Speaker A:And even, even when we're in the midst of chaos, like, like for, for you, I know you're juggling so many different things with.
Speaker A:I, I believe just because I love your energy and what, what you stand for with the, the end goal.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:Like you're in the middle of chaos, but it's also because you know that, that chaos is part of a stepping stone, that at some point one of these things, part of your schooling, what you're doing over here versus what you're doing over here are all stepping stones to help you launch into that beautiful dream job that ultimately you would want to have.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:And they all support what you love to do.
Speaker A:You just aren't quite sure yet where it's all going to fall and how it's going to.
Speaker A:I didn't know where it was going to fall either.
Speaker A:When I was the health and wellness director at an athletic club, I had never thought it would lead me to this.
Speaker A:But those people that I met at the country club, like, helped, like, inspire.
Speaker A:Inspire me.
Speaker A:And then the fitness consultant, like, drew me along and was like, hey, I want to teach you how to do this because you're really good at it.
Speaker A:Which then launched me into, you know, the country club and the master plan community world of designing and developing and actually, like, doing something from the ground up.
Speaker A:So I think even whether we realize it or not, each thing can become a stepping stone to.
Speaker A:To get us to where we want to be.
Speaker A:And we never know what might come along that will help us, like, right.
Speaker A:To.
Speaker A:To further that.
Speaker B:I agree.
Speaker B:And that's kind of what got me into, like, even the Personal development World is one of my first books that I really read that, like, resonated with me the most was Man's Search for Meaning.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker B:You know, and so.
Speaker B:Yeah, yeah, okay.
Speaker B:Exactly.
Speaker B:Just like this idea that it's like this, how powerful having meaning can be.
Speaker B:And Nietzsche's quote, you know, and if you have a strong enough why, you can bear any how.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:And it's just like that is facts.
Speaker B:And so some of these people, like, they.
Speaker B:They go into a sport and they go into it loving it, whether it's a sport, whether it's a business, whether it's anything like that, a hobby, and they want to start their hobby and turn it into a business, and then they just lose track of, you know, the dream.
Speaker B:And everything just feels so hard when you lose track of the dream.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker B:And so I think that that's like such a powerful component that I like.
Speaker B:I love that you really focus on that within everything else.
Speaker A:And, you know, I also think that your dreams can.
Speaker A:Can shift and you can outgrow a dream or you can realize, oh, I thought that was my dream.
Speaker A:But you know what?
Speaker A:It doesn't feel.
Speaker A:It doesn't feel right anymore.
Speaker A:And I think I've lived out that dream and now I'm ready for something new where I don't think it's necessarily an abandoning of a dream, but when you finally.
Speaker A:A lot of times we think something's going to Be this.
Speaker A:And when we get there, we're like, that wasn't really what I thought it was going to be.
Speaker A:It didn't really bring me the fulfillment that I thought that it would.
Speaker A:So maybe I like this part of it, but this is actually kind of calling my name.
Speaker A:So again, it's like part of that evolution that, that I don't necessarily think our dreams die, but perhaps like our evolution might shift and where we want to go with our next dream, you know, with our next dream.
Speaker A:Or maybe that dream wasn't what we wanted it to be.
Speaker A:And it's funny you said, like, the evolution is there like a direct, like, I want to do this now.
Speaker A:No, I want to do this now.
Speaker A:And how does it fit?
Speaker A:And do we have to rebrand?
Speaker A:And it's interesting how certain opportunities come to you and you're like, like, does this really fit with what I'm doing?
Speaker A:But it sounds fun and it's something that I'm passionate about.
Speaker A:I have, I got the opportunity, I was invited.
Speaker A:So I'm 54 and I've, I love to study longevity and health and wellness and like, how can we live longer and the whole hormonal thing that women go through and like, what does that mean?
Speaker A:And how do we stay on track with our health and, and it wreaks havoc with our bodies if we're not, if we're not paying attention to what that does.
Speaker A:And, and I had a doctor ask me to come be a part of a, you know, an event, a two hour event that we're going to do that has to do with the body and mindset and hormones.
Speaker A:And does that really tie into athletes and performance?
Speaker A:No.
Speaker A:But yes, it's right.
Speaker A:It's like the mindset of the body can be the mindset of the body.
Speaker A:Whether we're talking, we're all athletes of life, right.
Speaker A:And we're all trying to like, figure out how we can be the best.
Speaker A:Best that we want to be.
Speaker A:And so for a minute I was struggling with the weight.
Speaker A:Does this really fit with my brand?
Speaker A:And at the end of the day I was like, this is all about Q life.
Speaker A:This is living your best life.
Speaker A:And whether it's women struggling with hormones or if it's an athlete struggling with confidence, like it is literally all about how we're choosing to look at it and what kind of mindset we're showing up with it.
Speaker B:Yeah, see, and that's, and that's the exact.
Speaker A:And it's hard because you like, you're, you like, wanna, you wanna Try to be like.
Speaker A:Like, no, it doesn't fit.
Speaker A:But why, why can't it?
Speaker A:You know what I mean?
Speaker B:That's.
Speaker B:I know.
Speaker B:That's what's crazy about what you're doing again.
Speaker B:It's like, you know, being able to.
Speaker B:To build this vision, you know, but then being willing to pull parts out and flex around it and change it up a little bit and just go with the flow and be like, okay, well, you know, life's leading me this direction, and I'm just going to go with it.
Speaker B:I'm not going to be like, no, that's not what I'm doing.
Speaker B:No, that's not what I'm supposed to do.
Speaker B:And so for me, I was.
Speaker B:I was the same way with, like, you know, bodybuilding back in the day.
Speaker B:It's like, no, this is who I am.
Speaker B:I am a bodybuilder.
Speaker B:And, like.
Speaker B:And then I didn't know how to, like, let go of that and.
Speaker B:And to be anything else.
Speaker B:And it was.
Speaker B:It was very, very challenging.
Speaker B:And so it's the same thing with, like, developing a dream, you know, is I.
Speaker B:I'm like, okay, I'm gonna be a public speaker and do this and do this and do this, you know, and then as soon as, like you said, some opportunity comes that maybe doesn't quite align with that, it feels like, well, I should.
Speaker B:I should.
Speaker B:I should stay away from that, you know, but really being.
Speaker B:Being loose in that and being willing to just take whatever opportunities come your way is like, like, yeah, huge.
Speaker B:Huge.
Speaker B:With.
Speaker B:With.
Speaker B:And it's where it's like, I actually had a conversation last night.
Speaker B:I don't usually take over the conversation, but this is too perfect.
Speaker B:I had a conversation with someone last night who, you know, I explained how this whole sports psychology thing even came into place, this whole podcast even came to place, which was the reverse engineering and just getting really interested in studying things and being like, hey, what am I interested in?
Speaker B:Okay, it's like, I'm gonna be a personal trainer and I'm gonna, like.
Speaker B:I was confused if I'm gonna be, like, a fitness and mindset coach and how I'm going to do that, you know, very similar to what you're doing.
Speaker B:And I just didn't know how to do it.
Speaker B:I was like, I don't.
Speaker B:I don't get it at all.
Speaker B:You know, and then really started being like, okay, what do I love to study?
Speaker B:I started studying spirituality and mindfulness and all these things.
Speaker B:And then I started studying, okay, well, I want to create business.
Speaker B:So I started Studying success and.
Speaker B:And.
Speaker B:And business principles and stuff.
Speaker B:And some of them seem to contradict each other.
Speaker B:And it was like, you know, it's like a.
Speaker B:A failure to plan is a plan to fail.
Speaker B:You know, it's like, okay, well, like, I don't want to be constantly trapped in the future though, either, because, like, I need to be in the present.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:So how those seem to contradict each other, like, I guess I can't be successful and I can't be mindful at the same time.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker B:I thought that.
Speaker B:And so I had to find.
Speaker B:I had to search for the connection between the two.
Speaker B:Like, it's somewhere.
Speaker B:It's somewhere.
Speaker B:And I found it in something like that called, like, flow state, you know, and the ability to, like, let go and focus on the process.
Speaker B:So it's like, okay, I can let go and stay focused on this moment, but also still get the results I want.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:You know, and so then I was like, what.
Speaker B:What are these things?
Speaker B:And so I studied it, looked up Google.
Speaker B:If I.
Speaker B:If I wanted to study this, if I wanted to teach this, what would that be called?
Speaker B:You know, we didn't have chat GPT 5 years ago when I started on this path.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:And it was like, oh, sports psychology.
Speaker B:And I was like, oh, my God, that's a thing.
Speaker A:Yes, it is.
Speaker B:It's such a weird trail of, like, I would have never been like, what's a good job?
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker B:It's a good job.
Speaker B:I should do.
Speaker B:Sports psychology is a good job.
Speaker B:Let's do sports.
Speaker B:Like, that would have never led me there.
Speaker A:No, 100%.
Speaker A:And to your point, too, I think, like, when we get into that quote unquote flow state, or when we are comfortable enough to be like, you know what?
Speaker A:I'm gonna be open to many opportunities and what comes.
Speaker A:And for me, it's become as simple as when I think about it, does it make me expand and get excited about it, or does it make me contract?
Speaker A:And if I just.
Speaker A:If something comes to me and I'm like, oh, my gosh, that sounds exciting.
Speaker A:I don't know.
Speaker A:I've never done it, but, like, why not?
Speaker A:Let's try it.
Speaker A:Like, it sounds fun.
Speaker A:Like, it makes me expand.
Speaker A:Or is it like, you know what this team called me and they really want me to do xyz, and I'm like, I mean, I should because, like, that's my.
Speaker A:But I really don't want to travel for three weeks again, you know, where I'm like, it doesn't, like, light me on fire, you know, I Met someone on a plane.
Speaker A:I met someone on a plane, and he was telling me all about his wife, and she had started a podcast, and she was a stepmom, and he gave me her number, and we connected, and she was like, oh, my gosh, I want to have you on my stepmom podcast topic.
Speaker A:Podcast.
Speaker A:Well, I'm a stepmom.
Speaker A:We have five kids between the two of us.
Speaker A:Does that have anything to do with athletic performance?
Speaker A:No, but it's an area that I'm very comfortable speaking in because I.
Speaker A:We've been together for 12 years, and there's a whole evolution when it comes to being with someone for 12 years and, you know, co creating a family with five children, like, why that excited me.
Speaker A:I was like, oh, my gosh, if I could touch other stepmoms and help them how to be a better parent, how to show up for their.
Speaker A:Their.
Speaker A:Their stepchildren and understand some of the.
Speaker A:The difficulties that the kids go through, like, why would I not?
Speaker A:And again, it still all has to do with Q life.
Speaker A:Like, we're all just trying to live our Q life, but it doesn't fit in the box.
Speaker B:Oh, yeah.
Speaker B:And even.
Speaker B:Even, like, the stories you were sharing of your perceptions of what you witnessed within your kids sports, you know, and.
Speaker B:And what?
Speaker B:Okay, the.
Speaker B:The female coaches versus the male coaches and the different communication styles that are needed with the different sports and the.
Speaker B:Probably the gaps addressed within sports as well.
Speaker B:You can see, like, okay, this person doesn't know anything about nutrition.
Speaker B:This person doesn't know anything about mindset.
Speaker B:This person's lost a passion for what they're doing.
Speaker B:And you're like, oh, gosh, I can help with so many things right now.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker A:I can only imagine all that same holds true, like you said, as being a parent.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:Like, how do you communicate with different children and different ages and our, you know, sons versus our daughters and like, it's all.
Speaker A:It's all the same.
Speaker A:But not.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:And other.
Speaker B:In all their.
Speaker B:Are, you know, parents out there want their kids ultimately to be successful.
Speaker B:And so it is very, you know, valuable story.
Speaker B:And I didn't know if I should put it in the intro or not.
Speaker B:You know, I figured it might make it its way into the episode that you have, like, two of your kids are like world's cheerleaders and to your kids, like, world's BMXers, and one of them is a Marine.
Speaker B:Marine recon.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Like, that's.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:So you did something right within the upbringing of those kids, you know, And I don't know what they're chasing.
Speaker B:I hope that I was actually curious about this.
Speaker B:Like, I, I was.
Speaker B:I didn't.
Speaker B:I almost didn't want to be offensive in any way, but I was like, are they.
Speaker B:Are they happy?
Speaker B:You know what I mean?
Speaker B:Like, they're, they did all that and are they.
Speaker B:You know what I mean?
Speaker B:Like, it was.
Speaker B:Are they chasing?
Speaker B:Like, I was just so curious because it's like, that's crazy to have all five of your kids just doing it on big level.
Speaker B:And I can imagine them being just really fulfilled and going for things in a.
Speaker B:In a centered way, you know, And I'm just curious about their mission.
Speaker A:That's a really great question.
Speaker A:And over the years, my own coach has challenged us, us to also ask our kids, like, hey, like, we're super proud of you.
Speaker A:We have two kids that were, you know, bmx, traveled the world to, to go compete on the expert level of BMX when they were in their teenage.
Speaker A:In.
Speaker A:In their teens.
Speaker A:So from like 9 to 14, they were.
Speaker A:They were doing that.
Speaker A:And then my son a competitive football player, my daughter, you know, a world's cheerleader, and then my son being a recon Marine, like, yeah, all.
Speaker A:All super successful and, you know, comes from mom and dad, so two separate families.
Speaker A:But I think that's also what attracted us to each other is the fact that we were, you know, athletics, health, wellness, and nutrition played a big part.
Speaker A:We were, you know, both pretty competitive people.
Speaker A:So by.
Speaker A:By default, it was definitely a.
Speaker A:An instant kind of attraction.
Speaker A:And then our kids were attracted to that too, because they were all athletic and, you know, but truly, you'd have to ask them how.
Speaker A:But we hear them talk, you know, tell the stories about how fun it was to travel and like, all the bike stories and traveling to cheer competitions and, you know, so.
Speaker A:And you know, the BMXers, like, Ethan's in college right now.
Speaker A:He's actually in Barcelona on his way to Dublin right now for spring break.
Speaker A:So he's a junior in college, living his best life, you know, and he's no longer an athlete, you know, no longer an athlete.
Speaker A:He's pursuing other things and he likes to DJ and, you know, is in.
Speaker A:In his process of finding his own path.
Speaker A:And yeah, our daughter Avery is getting ready to do her first bodybuilding competition.
Speaker A:So she's.
Speaker B:Oh, nice.
Speaker A:Yep, she's dialed in and getting ready to do that.
Speaker A:And Ashley and Trevor, they're also big into fitness and she's a nurse, and they're also competing in their first bodybuilding competition and Then my son is off doing his, you know, recon rain thing.
Speaker A:So that's crazy.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:So I would love to believe that they're all happy.
Speaker A:And yet we.
Speaker A:We don't know what.
Speaker A:We don't know.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:You know, but we, we have asked them questions like, hey, tell us, where did we jack up as.
Speaker A:As parents?
Speaker A:Like, nice, you know, did we put too much pressure on you?
Speaker A:What did that feel like?
Speaker A:And I've had some really good conversations with my, with my step kids around that subject.
Speaker B:I was actually just gonna ask that, like, you know, did you know a lot of this stuff when they were younger, when they were really doing sports?
Speaker B:And did you feel like you were able to provide that sport, I mean, that support to them?
Speaker B:You know, because, like, I do with my son.
Speaker B:I know, like, I know a lot of this stuff.
Speaker B:I've been very interested in this stuff for like five years.
Speaker B:And so I'm constantly like, you know, even things like he'll be, you know, like, instead of saying he's so smart, telling him he's a hard worker, you know, to really, like, you know, focus on identity, vers of hard growth, mindset versus fixed and little things like that that I pay attention to that I know.
Speaker B:And so did you feel like you knew a lot of that stuff and were able to kind of provide that?
Speaker B:Like, hey, you know, you're going hard and results matter.
Speaker B:But.
Speaker B:But stay focused on the process.
Speaker B:Stay focused on what you love.
Speaker B:Do you feel like you maybe inherently knew that or.
Speaker A:Or my kids would tell you that nine times out of ten, they're like, mom, we don't need a Q Life lecture right now.
Speaker A:So I did it over.
Speaker A:I probably overly.
Speaker A:Did you know this and did you know that?
Speaker A:And you know, you might want to do this and focus on the feeling, not the outcome.
Speaker A:And, you know, so they've heard it enough.
Speaker A:But so they were probably like, I don't need a Q Life lecture structure to where.
Speaker A:Then I had this to check myself too, and be like, hey, do you want my support right now?
Speaker A:Or do you.
Speaker A:Do you want some opinion?
Speaker A:And so if they just wanted my support, I could just show up for them in a way that a mom should and just be, you know, their biggest cheerleader and not try to give them advice on how to take to the next level.
Speaker B:You know, that's.
Speaker B:That's powerful too.
Speaker B:So even that's like, that's a good great and segue into like, you know, really holding space for somebody and, and being, you know, a question asker and Letting them kind of come to those own.
Speaker B:Own answers versus being, you know, what I, at one point, you know, heard called the advice monster, you know, and I used to be the advice monster, for sure.
Speaker B:It's like, I'm just like, okay, here's what you need to do.
Speaker B:And, like, never asked any questions, never really, like, you know, let them speak.
Speaker B:It's just like, you know, you told me you.
Speaker B:You're now intake information.
Speaker B:I know you, you know, here's what you need to do.
Speaker B:And it's just been a game changer to really, like, provide space for people to just speak and just ask powerful questions.
Speaker A:Exactly.
Speaker B:And so I'm sure you've learned some of that over your years of coaching.
Speaker B:Am I right?
Speaker A:For sure.
Speaker A:And it's one of the biggest pieces of advice is I do a lot of parent education as well.
Speaker A:Because, of course, as if athletes are struggling, typically there, you know, come as we start to understand epigenetics and the genetic and generational things that take place, that if an athlete is struggling, typically there can be some connection to a parent might have struggled with something similar.
Speaker A:So trying to educate the parents on their impact on their own children as well, and things that they can do to better connect with their children if they're not connecting with their children.
Speaker A:And one of the biggest pieces of advice that I give is 80% of kids will quit a sport due to the car ride home.
Speaker A:So if we understand that in it, that stat in itself, we have to be able to take a look at ourselves and be like, like, wow, okay, am I trying to give too much advice?
Speaker A:Am I trying to fix them?
Speaker A:Am I trying to micromanage their experience with their sport because of how I experience my sport?
Speaker A:Am I living vicariously?
Speaker A:Like, what are the reasons that I have all these questions?
Speaker A:And I want to be so into their journey and not allow them to experience their own journey.
Speaker A:So I recommend that parents ask the question, like, if their kid is.
Speaker A:If their athlete or child is struggling with something, simply ask the question.
Speaker A:And this assignment, by the way, was given to me by my coach for my relationship with my fiance.
Speaker A:So it started there, and I transferred it in.
Speaker A:Like, I just used it because it was so powerful for us as a couple to say, hey, babe, would you like my opinion or would you like my support?
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:So if I have something to tell him, and I'm like, hey, I want.
Speaker A:I want to share something with you, or if he wants to share something with me, my first.
Speaker A:My first question is, hey, babe, I would love to.
Speaker A:Would you like my support or would you like my opinion?
Speaker A:And he'll share, oh, no, I really want your opinion.
Speaker A:And I will ask it.
Speaker A:Are you sure you want my opinion?
Speaker A:Because I'm a very direct and blunt person, and I.
Speaker A:I will say it lovingly and kindly, but it might not be what you want to hear.
Speaker A:And so we got to the point where now he'll.
Speaker A:He knows, and he'll be like, hey, babe, I just want your support right now.
Speaker A:And all that says to me is, I can check out.
Speaker A:Believe it or not, I can check out and just be that sense of support and hold that space for him while he tells me all the things that he wants to tell me.
Speaker A:Me.
Speaker A:Because chances are while he's telling me, he's going to be processing himself, and then typically 10 minutes later, he'll be like, no, I actually want your opinion now.
Speaker A:Now that I've worked through it or I've talked through it, I really do want your opinion.
Speaker A:And so it's a beautiful way to communicate where it's not intruding or you don't put anyone on the defense.
Speaker A:And.
Speaker A:And so if you have the ability to ask your kids that, hey, I, you know, they get in the car crying because they've had a bad practice or coach yelled at them or something, just sit and say, do you want my support right now, or do you want me to try to help you?
Speaker A:And they might say, I just need to vent.
Speaker A:I just need to, like, let it all out and cool.
Speaker A:And then you turn on some music and you drive home, and then maybe before bed, they'll be like, okay, actually, I really do.
Speaker A:Now I want your opinion.
Speaker A:Like, what.
Speaker A:What.
Speaker A:What could I have done now that they've had the time to cool down and process, or.
Speaker A:Or still they're upset with their coach or they're upset with teammates or whatever it is.
Speaker A:So communication powerful.
Speaker B:I can't.
Speaker B:I have to emphasize.
Speaker B:You said 80 of people will quit a sport.
Speaker B:80 of kids will quit a sport from the car ride home.
Speaker B:So I think it's.
Speaker B:Two episodes ago, I interviewed a, you know, former professional soccer player, and he shared that exact story as, like, what him got him into sports psychology.
Speaker B:Was that the.
Speaker B:And it wasn't.
Speaker B:And it wasn't even the conversation, which I thought was interesting.
Speaker B:So I wanted to touch on this and.
Speaker B:And, like, add it as a, you know, additional thing is like, like, it's the vibe in which it's like, are, you know, are you still loved when you're.
Speaker B:When you lose?
Speaker B:And we didn't perform well.
Speaker B:Is that same loving vibe and supportive vibe there?
Speaker B:Because he said it wasn't anything.
Speaker B:It was just like the vibe in the car.
Speaker B:He's like, they're just.
Speaker B:They were just kind of, like, upset, you know, and it was just, you know, and when he won.
Speaker B:When he won, it's like, they're happy and everything's go lucky and they go out to eat.
Speaker B:And when he doesn't win, it's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker B:And he's just like, he would dread the car ride home.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:And so he's like, I don't think anybody deserves that.
Speaker B:And so there should be a whole different set of.
Speaker B:Of foundations.
Speaker B:And this is where I got into sports psychology as well.
Speaker B:Is like, what does winning really mean?
Speaker B:Is winning mean the.
Speaker B:The outcome?
Speaker B:Or does winning mean, like, I.
Speaker B:I performed my best or is winning me and I overcame this or hit this goal within myself?
Speaker B:A process goal, obviously, you know, and so can I feel like a winner even when my Tim loses?
Speaker B:Can I feel whole even when I sucked today?
Speaker A:Yes, yes, yes, that.
Speaker A:So I just had a conversation with an athlete yesterday in regards to that, because so many.
Speaker A:All of.
Speaker A:Not even just athletes, all of us, right.
Speaker A:We play.
Speaker A:We can place confidence on our external validation.
Speaker A:If somebody tells me I'm good enough, oh, I must be good enough.
Speaker A:But truly having that inspiration from within.
Speaker A:So, for example, the athlete was sharing with me.
Speaker A:Yeah, it was kind of weird.
Speaker A:Like, our coach was in such a bad mood and, like, was yelling at all of us.
Speaker A:And, like, I came back and, like, I.
Speaker A:I did my best.
Speaker A:Like, I had a rock star flip in practice, and he was just like, yeah, that kind of sucked.
Speaker A:You weren't that good.
Speaker A:You weren't that great.
Speaker A:And I.
Speaker A:And in my mind, I was like, wow.
Speaker A:Like, I think I.
Speaker A:I thought I was, but then he told me I wasn't, so maybe I wasn't.
Speaker A:And I said, that's the beautiful thing about when you build your confidence within.
Speaker A:Had that coach not said anything, would you have left practice feeling really good about what you did?
Speaker A:She said, yes.
Speaker A:And I said, perfect.
Speaker A:And I said, on the flip side, we also have to be and understand that.
Speaker A:Say we're sick.
Speaker A:Say we're totally sick and we could not perform at our best.
Speaker A:And coach said, oh, my gosh, that was a rock star practice.
Speaker A:You did really good.
Speaker A:But, you know, you didn't really give it your all because you were sick.
Speaker A:You're okay.
Speaker A:You.
Speaker A:You're.
Speaker A:You could also still be okay with that.
Speaker A:Also on the Flip side, if you didn't tell coach you were sick and you gave it your all, and coach was like, yeah, not so great.
Speaker A:Didn't do so great today.
Speaker A:Times weren't really good.
Speaker A:But you know that you could.
Speaker A:You didn't tell coach that you were sick.
Speaker A:So he has.
Speaker A:He doesn't have.
Speaker A:He or she doesn't have that information.
Speaker A:And you actually gave 110 knowing that you were sick.
Speaker A:Where in law are you good?
Speaker A:Are you bad?
Speaker A:There is no good or bad.
Speaker A:It's just, are you doing what you need to do?
Speaker A:And my.
Speaker A:What we talked about was if you can go.
Speaker A:Go to bed every night and put your head on your pillow knowing that you just did the best that you can, and even if you didn't, you recognize the fact and you're aware, you know what?
Speaker A:I could have gave a little more today.
Speaker A:I kind of, you know, I was a little lazy or I didn't give, or I wasn't as disciplined as I'd like to be be.
Speaker A:And I'm okay with that.
Speaker A:I have acknowledged that that's.
Speaker A:That still is being the best that we can be.
Speaker A:So confidence in building that confidence from within is actually so incredibly powerful.
Speaker A:And I use.
Speaker A:This is a perfect term.
Speaker A: rld championship since, like,: Speaker A:And.
Speaker A:And I use this word as a zinger.
Speaker A:So it's a cuss word just for clarity.
Speaker A:It's a bad cuss word, but I use it specifically as a zinger.
Speaker A:And I asked the kids, did you know that the word unfuck withable is actually a word?
Speaker A:And what would you think that means?
Speaker A:And the kids love it because they're like, oh, my gosh, she cussed.
Speaker A:And then like, oh, you can't mess with me.
Speaker A:Oh, you can't f with me.
Speaker A:Oh, you know, they give me all these definitions, but the true definition of to be unfuck withable is actually regardless of criticism or praise, I'm at peace with myself.
Speaker A:So it goes so much deeper.
Speaker A:And regardless, again, of criticism or praise, I'm at peace with what I'm doing within.
Speaker A:And I taught them that.
Speaker A:That word and that concept.
Speaker A:And 30 days later, that team turned it all around and became world champions because they just embodied it.
Speaker A:Like, regardless of how the coaches are behaving, we need to take care of what we need to take care of.
Speaker A:We're the ones that are on the floor.
Speaker A:We need to take care of each other.
Speaker A:We need to work our within, within us.
Speaker A:Not with all the external distractions that are going on and the drama and all the people fighting and whatever's happening.
Speaker A:We need to just, like, go within and take care of what we need to do from within.
Speaker A:And they became world champions.
Speaker A:And I actually have a ring that has UFW on it or unwistable.
Speaker A:So, I mean, it's pretty cool.
Speaker B:That's crazy.
Speaker A:But it's an instant mindset shift when we can.
Speaker A:When we can think of that same thing.
Speaker A:I had a baseball player that was like, oh, I really wanted to.
Speaker A:To hit it up the middle.
Speaker A:And I was like, well, did you do it?
Speaker A:And he's like, well, I hit it up the middle, but it got caught, so I still suck.
Speaker A:And I'm like, no, you hit it up the middle.
Speaker A:That was your goal.
Speaker A:The guy made an incredible diving catch.
Speaker A:But did you not do what you set out to do?
Speaker A:Like, that is success.
Speaker A:Like, forget about the outcome.
Speaker A:You did what you set out to do.
Speaker A:And he was like, oh, you're right.
Speaker A:Wow.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker B:So it's so crazy, like the forget about the outcome type, you know, type thought and the ability.
Speaker B:The ability that we have to create fake scenarios that just don't make us feel good at all.
Speaker B:And.
Speaker B:And so I just think it's kind of funny.
Speaker B:This is something that was the big.
Speaker B:That I learned within sports psychology is that like.
Speaker B:Like, if you could create two different fake scenarios, both of which are fake, it's like, oh, I might miss, you know, cool.
Speaker B:I might miss.
Speaker B:You know, first of all, am I.
Speaker B:Am I okay with that scenario?
Speaker B:Sure.
Speaker B:Maybe that's where this comes in, what you're just saying, being unfuck.
Speaker B:Withable.
Speaker B:You know, at the same time, it's like, I might make it.
Speaker B:And so which one do I want to focus on?
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker B:And so to me, it's like letting go.
Speaker B:Whether it's letting go and just being at peace, or it's like coming up with a positive scenario to.
Speaker B:To work towards either one of them.
Speaker B:You just feel so much better in the moment.
Speaker B:And so it's like whether.
Speaker B:Whether that scenario is true or not or comes to fruition or not, like, don't you just want to feel better while you're doing it?
Speaker B:And so it's like, to help people with that.
Speaker B:I just think it's so cool, really let go of, like, to get them to understand.
Speaker B:It's most often imaginary scenario that's in their head.
Speaker B:And if.
Speaker B:If.
Speaker B:If we can create an imaginary scenario, why not create a positive imaginary scenario?
Speaker A:Absolutely.
Speaker B:And I've done that with my son as well.
Speaker B:And so he'll be like.
Speaker B:Like, there's his total energy, and he's 10 years old.
Speaker B:He has, like, you know, mild autism.
Speaker B:And so it's like he's just, like, so much more, you know, emotional and, like, into it and has these revelations, you know, with simple things that you see that you say, you know, and so it's like, yeah, he's, like, imagining what if.
Speaker B:What if they're out of my favorite thing, you know?
Speaker B:And I'm like, what if it's, like, the best it's ever been today?
Speaker B:What if, like, the best cook is back there right now?
Speaker B:We're at a restaurant?
Speaker B:What are the best cooking back there right now?
Speaker A:Absolutely.
Speaker A:And.
Speaker B:And it's gonna.
Speaker A:Or what if they create something even better?
Speaker B:Yeah, exactly.
Speaker B:So they come up with these different scenarios that just make it okay.
Speaker B:And he's just like, oh, my God.
Speaker B:His energy just comes around.
Speaker B:You know what I mean it.
Speaker B:To go from being, like, anxiety and I'm worried to, like, the possibilities.
Speaker A:The possibilities.
Speaker A:The same holds true with confidence and with, like, kids who are struggling with performance anxiety or they're struggling with some sort of block, whether it be the yips for golf or, you know, pitchers or tumblers, whatever.
Speaker A:Whatever it might be, and that they just keep replaying the scenario over and over when they didn't do well.
Speaker A:I didn't, you know, like, I walked four guys in a row or I busted my tumbling and I fell.
Speaker A:I'm okay.
Speaker A:How many times did you do it successfully?
Speaker A:Why are you reliving that one time that it didn't go well?
Speaker A:Over and over and over.
Speaker A:How many times did you do it super well?
Speaker A:How many times did you do it successful?
Speaker A:So when they say, oh, I always bust my tumbling.
Speaker A:I have to go to the NLP stuff.
Speaker A:Always.
Speaker B:Always.
Speaker A:Were there any times that you were successful?
Speaker A:Well, yeah, for, like, a whole year.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:Focus on that whole year instead of that one time.
Speaker A:Yeah, exactly.
Speaker B:And so being able to work with so many different sports, then, you know, I would say in this conversation, it's not as simple as this, but would you say that a lot of it is due with people's relationship with failure?
Speaker A:Yes, I.
Speaker A:For sure.
Speaker A:It's really, definitely fear of failure.
Speaker A:Fear of failure and disappointing parents.
Speaker A:So it can show up in different forms of that.
Speaker A:Yeah, I'm.
Speaker A:Fear of failure, I think, is a Big one.
Speaker B:I'm really curious is like how you're able to translate from so many different sports because I think for some, I know a lot of mental performance coaches do specific sports, dude, just, just basketball, just football, just whatever.
Speaker B:And so I guess I'm curious, you know, like how you're able to touch on so many different sports because obviously they have those underlying factors, you know, the body, the mind, the spirit being true obviously.
Speaker B:But more, more tactical for just talking about like performance psychology and mindset, you know, so fear of failure and identity.
Speaker B:I'm just curious if you could bullet point list even some of those things that you find coming across all the different sports that makes you feel confident to go in there.
Speaker A:Yeah, no, for sure.
Speaker A:And there are definitely trends specifically right now.
Speaker A:And even in the last five years the trends are definitely fear of failure, lack of confidence, performing under pressure or performance.
Speaker A:What we call performance anxiety.
Speaker A:I don't like to use that word because it just adds a label.
Speaker A:But performing under pressure, which a lot of these, these kids, a lot of these kids also then have social anxiety so that those, those two things tie together.
Speaker A:And then with coaches, the overlying or organization, even organizations, I just, I did a retreat for Phoenix Children's Hospital and even like from an executive like having employees that are no longer motivated and are just giving, giving, giving and aren't, aren't really taking care of themselves.
Speaker A:So they sense that their employees are very unfulfilled build.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:Kind of same thing across the board of just that instant gratification is a big one.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:So we, that inability to see a long term goal and want to keep after it day after day because we're so used to that instant gratification.
Speaker A:So if we don't get that instant gratification, we assume we must have failed.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Coaches are struggling even with the fact where they're like trying to say, hey, we want to go from here to here and by the end of the season we want to be able to do this, this and here the kids are like, oh, we must suck.
Speaker A:We're never going to get there.
Speaker A:Like we're terrible because they, they don't see the long term process that it takes time and energy to.
Speaker A:So if they fail twice, they're like, oh, they want to shut down and they are upset or angry with themselves where.
Speaker A:And then that strictly is a brain thing.
Speaker A:That's a whole big thing that I teach specifically to the parents and to the coaches in regards to.
Speaker A:We have to really start investing in teaching them delayed gratification.
Speaker A:Because it's a real thing when we talk about social media and the effects of.
Speaker A:The effects of our phones and the Internet that create that dopamine fix and that create those endorphins, that these children's brains are not developed the way ours are.
Speaker A:So not only are we now adults putting our adult expectations on our young children, which is already a disconnect because we, you know, when we were 13, we didn't have that kind of scenario.
Speaker A:And then on top of that, understanding that we're actually comparing.
Speaker A:We're not even comparing fruits anymore.
Speaker A:We're literally comparing like an apple to a cucumber.
Speaker A:Like, it doesn't.
Speaker A:Our brain.
Speaker A:Our brains are not developed the way these young brains are from a neurological perspective, because their brains are wired to get exactly everything that they want.
Speaker A:When they scroll, they get that, and they get that those endorphins and that dopamine fix.
Speaker A:And so for us to the very common label right now that we hear across the board with coaches and with parents is my kids are lazy, they're unmotivated, they're soft, they can't take criticism, they shut down.
Speaker A:Everything creates anxiety.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:Those are.
Speaker A:Those are all key things that are across the board that coaches are quitting.
Speaker A:I mean, we have big college coaches that are quitting.
Speaker A:I mean, you see it all the time.
Speaker A:NFL coaches are quitting because the guys that are coming in literally can't handle what's.
Speaker A:What's happening in real life.
Speaker A:And the coaches don't relate because they're.
Speaker A:They're old, older school coaches that are like, why can't we be tough and hard and.
Speaker A:And have discipline and, and create these boundaries?
Speaker A:And these young guys are coming in saying, no, I don't have to do this, and they're shutting down and they're having anxiety over it.
Speaker A:But it's truly because that's the way their brain has been developed.
Speaker A:And so we have to take conscious effort to a, delay screen time, limit screen time, and then B, also, what are we doing to create situations where we are failing?
Speaker A:And we are totally celebrating every single time they fail.
Speaker A:I give my clients homework assignments all the time.
Speaker A:I want to tell.
Speaker A:I want you to tell me three things.
Speaker A:You fail, and how are we going to celebrate when you fail?
Speaker A:Because failure is totally a part.
Speaker A:Part of the process.
Speaker A:And when we start to embrace that process, the whole world opens up and.
Speaker A:And no longer.
Speaker A:We're not afraid to fail.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:And that's a beautiful thing.
Speaker A:When we can have that shift over.
Speaker A:I want to fail because I know Every time I fail, I'm getting closer to where I want to go.
Speaker B:Yep, That's.
Speaker B:Yeah, that's the mindset I've been learning recently in my new position, for sure.
Speaker B:That's.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:And the quicker we fail, the quicker we learn, the quicker we move on.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:So we can't be afraid to fail because we're just delaying the process of getting.
Speaker A:Of getting closer to where we want to go.
Speaker B:It's crazy.
Speaker B:And so working with organizations, this is where, like, I was almost asking the questions on roi.
Speaker B:It can be so difficult to prove to somebody that, like, this is going to work, you know, and so they want to.
Speaker B:They want to pull the plug before you've even really gotten a chance to do what you're going to do.
Speaker B:Because they're like, this is too slow.
Speaker B:This is not.
Speaker B:This is not it.
Speaker B:And so I'm almost, like, curious from a sales standpoint, from like a.
Speaker B:Working with somebody on a longer scale, you know, a team or whatever.
Speaker B:Like.
Speaker B:Yeah, I mean, I.
Speaker B:I know that leaders come in and they'll be like, oh, I'm going to change things around and I'm going to build these programs.
Speaker B:I'm going to start, you know, building of values and vision and principles for this new organization.
Speaker B:And then they just, like, get fired before they even have a chance to really, like, get it going because it gets moving too slow, we're getting somebody else in here, and it's like, what the hell?
Speaker B:And so I wonder if you come up against that sometimes, like, your.
Speaker B:Your stuff's moving too slow.
Speaker A:You know what?
Speaker A:That's funny that you say that.
Speaker A:And I think my initial.
Speaker A:And I've really been kind of focused focusing on this a little.
Speaker A:Not necessarily focusing on it, but it's kind of the whole mindset of I'm no longer in a space where I want to help people that don't want to be helped.
Speaker A:And so it, you know, I no longer chase business.
Speaker A:Like, I'm attracting business.
Speaker A:So those kinds of people, when you come to me, I'm going to lay it all out for you, and I will let you know that these are my prime.
Speaker A:Like, my prime movers.
Speaker A:And if you're not about delayed gratification, then I might not be the coach for you.
Speaker A:If you're not in it for the long haul, then I might need not be the coach for you, because it is a process.
Speaker A:But then I also know that when I go somewhere or someone calls me last minute and I charge more, because now you've interrupted my entire schedule and it's worth it to me, but I have to make it worth it to me.
Speaker A:If you're asking me to travel on, on Thanksgiving week or something and I go somewhere, I'm going to give it my all.
Speaker A:And after day one, I promise you that you are going to be like, oh my gosh, this was so worth it.
Speaker A:I can't believe the mindset shift.
Speaker A:Because the mindset shift for me when I coach is immediate, you know?
Speaker A:You know what I mean?
Speaker A:Like, I'm giving everything that I got.
Speaker A:And when I talk to someone, like, I'll ask, did you learn something new today?
Speaker A:What do you want to get away from?
Speaker A:What do you want to get out of today's training?
Speaker A:They share with me.
Speaker A:I make sure that I meet those deliverables in a way that is not only just energetic, but also creating that mindset shift to where when I went to that organization who did pay me more because it was a last minute thing, they were like, wow, like you gave everything you had.
Speaker A:And by the time I left two days later, they were also like.
Speaker A:And we've already implemented four things that you told us on day one, one of which was actually when the athletes, when the athletes go on the floor, they weren't allowed to have their cell phones.
Speaker A:And so I was talking to them about how their brains can't get really focused because they're so quick to that dopamine fix.
Speaker A:So all they did was make the simple change of there's a lobby, so all the kids typically get there a half an hour before they need to go out on the floor or they're dropped off after school or whatever.
Speaker A:The basket for the cell phones was at the front door.
Speaker A:So they dropped their cell phones and didn't have their cell phones for 30 minutes before they even went onto the floor.
Speaker A:And what that did was encourage kids to talk to each other.
Speaker A:They weren't just on their phones.
Speaker A:They weren't making talks.
Speaker A:They could sit and talk and play games or play cards or, or do whatever.
Speaker A:And so that personal interaction and connection and relaxation of the brain before they go out to practice was, Was incredible.
Speaker B:Yeah, team building and everything.
Speaker A:Yeah, yeah, all the things.
Speaker A:And she's like, at first it was chaotic because now our lobby is so loud and like all the kids are yelling and like playing with each other instead of silent on their phones.
Speaker A:But we love it because it creates them, their ability to focus so much better and it gives them a break and it gives them a rest from all the distractions that are happening, you know, on their Phone.
Speaker B:Gosh, I never.
Speaker B:Dude, I, I can't say I've really.
Speaker B:I'm.
Speaker B:I'm big into like self regulation and how important it is for adults to be self regulated and to be.
Speaker B:And then, and then when you just said that just now, I'm immediately like, that's like how valuable tablets and phones have been to adults to just completely silence and control their environment, you know, because of a, their own dysregulated state, you know, and so it's like it should be crazy for someone to be like, oh my God, like these kids are too crazy.
Speaker B:And, and like.
Speaker B:But that's ultimately what we want, you know, that's really what we want kids to be running around and playing and having fun and, and that's the big change.
Speaker B:That's the big shift that we're kind of discussing right here is like the big problem.
Speaker A:And the gym wanted a cultural shift, right?
Speaker A:And if you want a cultural shift, like, you have to work through some of those things that we need the, we need the kids to do.
Speaker A:The other thing that I did was I challenged that.
Speaker A:I told them all the whole.
Speaker A:We talked a lot about like routines, morning routines, nighttime routines.
Speaker A:Now we're talking about the longevity.
Speaker A:What's good for your bodies.
Speaker A:I'm a big hot tub, cold plunger, meditator, PMF mat kind of girl.
Speaker A:And then at night, no cell phones an hour, a half an hour to an hour before you go to bed as far as allowing your brain to shut down.
Speaker A:So when you can educate them on what that does, if they don't and they're scrolling, doom scrolling as they call it, they're doing until they fall asleep.
Speaker A:Well, guess what?
Speaker A:Their brain has to process all that information all night while they sleep.
Speaker A:So they, they sleep for eight hours, but they're not getting sleep, they're not getting the rest that their brain needs.
Speaker A:And then they wake up still tired and they don't understand why.
Speaker A:And immediately all the coaches agreed.
Speaker A:No cell phones an hour before bed.
Speaker A:And they were like, game changer.
Speaker A:I woke up and had energy.
Speaker A:Oh my gosh.
Speaker A:Like, if I only knew.
Speaker A:And connected the dots.
Speaker A:Wow.
Speaker A:So just little, little things that you can do that would benefit and help.
Speaker A:You know what I mean?
Speaker A:The, the mental health too, because it is affecting the mental health of these kids.
Speaker B:Well, that's so cool for you to have the confidence to make like an initiative like that as well, because some people be like, I know you guys aren't gonna like this, but I think this would be a good idea.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:You know, you're like, no, this is exact exactly like what we're doing.
Speaker B:Yeah, it's like, oh God.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker B:But it, like, but it works.
Speaker B:And then especially when people are willing to take on some of that and then you have your confidence level that you're delivering that with, you know, you use the word deliverables, you know, which is going to lead me into like, I wanted to talk about the Q Life thing and you kind of getting to the place in which you felt like you maybe had those deliverables set up and ready to put into an app and kind of like what that process must have been like a little bit.
Speaker A:Oh, yeah.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker A:I mean, I've had Q Life forever at the name Q Life and the five pillars Q Life.
Speaker A:And then as I've evolved and I have one on one clients and I work with teams and coaches and my whole goal is to impact and my main, my whole mission is to touch a hundred thousand lives.
Speaker A:And I'm currently at about 40,000, like, and I set that goal like 15, 20 years ago.
Speaker A:And then I just started thinking, how can I impact more?
Speaker A:What can I do?
Speaker A:And I can't be all things to everybody and I only have so many hours in a day, so how can I really start to impact and get my message out there via.
Speaker A:And so I always wanted an app or some sort of, you know, course or something that I could do.
Speaker A:And even back when, you know, the apps were so expensive to have them built.
Speaker A:And then finally I just decided, you know what?
Speaker A:Even I don't care if anybody joins the app.
Speaker A:It's going to be a hub where all of my information will be.
Speaker A:So for me, it's also a place to store all of, all of my stuff, all, all of these educational lessons that I've had from my confidence course to my beast mode animal course.
Speaker A:I'm really excited about my beast mode animal course because it's something I've been teaching for years and I even have like, like, it's funny, they're flat.
Speaker A:I have them right here.
Speaker A:They're like flash cards of animals.
Speaker A:And every animal has.
Speaker A:Every animal has an acronym to it.
Speaker A:So like for example, the giraffe is stret lit.
Speaker A:This stands for stretch a little outside of your comfort zone.
Speaker A:So there's.
Speaker A:Oh, nice, right.
Speaker A:So then you have the lion.
Speaker A:The lion is coor.
Speaker A:This is the main, main guy.
Speaker A:Obviously core stands for courage and courage creates confidence.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:Oh, this is one of my favorite.
Speaker A:This is the wolf.
Speaker A:And wotar is words, thoughts, actions, results.
Speaker A:So we become what we speak about.
Speaker A:So this is all about the wolf and the wolf communicates in packs.
Speaker A:So all the animals tie to an acronym that actually ties to a mindset because we know that the retention rate when we can associate a picture with, with a concept is 92%.
Speaker A:So.
Speaker A:So in my app I have like 37 beast mode animals that then coaches could purchase and buy and take and use in their gym for to teach these simple mindset courses.
Speaker A:So you don't need me to come there now you have the availability to purchase the beast mode animal system, if you will, to just help any and all age groups with the concept of what does it mean to have a resilient mindset?
Speaker A:Mindset.
Speaker B:So that's crazy.
Speaker B:So, so what's so funny is that my very first episode was at the mental performance coach out of New Zealand.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker B:His name is David Neathy.
Speaker B:He coached the ufc.
Speaker B:Israel Adesanya.
Speaker A:Awesome.
Speaker B:You know, kind of, kind of a big deal.
Speaker B:And he talked about the almost the same thing he takes clients through.
Speaker B:He talks about like having them like choose like an avatar, which is generally, generally an animal, a rhino or a bear or whatever because he's like working with like power lifters and you know, and things like that.
Speaker B:And so I was just like so funny that he said he has his own which is like a 3,000 pound rhinoceros, you know, and that.
Speaker B:And that gives him the unfuck withable mindset because it's like, you're not messing with me.
Speaker B:I'm a 3,000 pound rhinosaurus.
Speaker B:I'm just going to run you over.
Speaker B:Yeah, that's like a really a mindset that you develop really like honor and, and hone.
Speaker B:It's just like, it's so powerful and like that's so funny.
Speaker A:Wow, that's so cool.
Speaker A:I would love to meet him because so these I have a whole series of beast mode animals and then when my athletes go through and they've done them all, then they create their own.
Speaker A:But they have to select an animal that hasn't been yet been in our repertoire.
Speaker A:So I just did one.
Speaker A:You'll actually see it posted because it was really sweet.
Speaker A:But.
Speaker A:And they don't have to be crazy like hardcore animals.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:So my athlete yesterday selected the starfish as, as her beast mode animal.
Speaker A:But with someone who's struggling with like a mental block and things like that, it's all about the re.
Speaker A:The ability to rejuvenate and regenerate yourself.
Speaker B:Wow.
Speaker A:And starfish actually can regenerate their own arm.
Speaker A:So Having that like that mental anchor of wow, I'm like a starfish and I can regenerate and become anything that I want over and over again is kind of really, really cool.
Speaker A:Cool.
Speaker A:And I had her paint a picture of it and it's really cool.
Speaker A:And so.
Speaker A:And then I'm giving my.
Speaker A:The kids who create their own, then their, their signature will be on their beast mode.
Speaker A:Animal.
Speaker A:Because it'll be part of my series as well.
Speaker A:But super cool, that is.
Speaker A:And then I do the avatar thing too.
Speaker A:And with the kids it's more of a superhero.
Speaker A:What do you want to look like as your own superhero?
Speaker A:So there they can create their own power circle.
Speaker A:And what does that look like?
Speaker B:So super crazy.
Speaker B:That's crazy.
Speaker B:So I don't mind.
Speaker B:Can we take it back to you getting some of your first big clientele and what that was like, you know, world champion cheerleading team.
Speaker B:Like, I don't know.
Speaker B:How did you get involved with the highest level?
Speaker B:Obviously you're doing it big and you're, you did your, you did your talk, your public speaking thing and was developing yourself.
Speaker B:But how do you end up getting these bigger clients?
Speaker A:That's a great question.
Speaker A:And you know what?
Speaker A:Sometimes to the whole the.
Speaker A:So the name of the team was Orange.
Speaker A:That one that, that I taught the Unfuck withable.
Speaker A:And it was super cool because the night that I got.
Speaker A:So I had been working with that gym and that organization for two years.
Speaker A:But the big teams like were not like I couldn't touch.
Speaker A:Like it was like you're, you're good enough to work with our lower level teams but not, not the big ones because they, you know, and rightfully so.
Speaker A:Everyone has their own superstitions.
Speaker A:And, and like we don't want to, you know, don't mess with what isn't bro.
Speaker A:Kind of thing.
Speaker A:Like we're, we're like here.
Speaker A:Like I'm.
Speaker A:You can do this, but not up here.
Speaker A:And, and 15 years ago when my kids were cheering, I was sitting in the arena with 5,000 people.
Speaker A:The cheerleading, the cheerleading.
Speaker A:It was called NCA and a hundred thousand cheerleaders are there.
Speaker A:It's a.
Speaker A:The one of the largest events in the world.
Speaker A:It's humongous.
Speaker A:It's in Dallas and it's an arena that holds 5,000 people.
Speaker A:And only the best teams, only the world's teams compete in this arena.
Speaker A:And so it's like an all day event.
Speaker A:And literally the best teams of the best compete for 13 hours straight.
Speaker A:And you get in your seat and you don't Leave, because it's standing room only.
Speaker A:And like, if you give up your seat, you're not getting back in kind of thing.
Speaker A:And it was the first time that my kids were going to be on that stage.
Speaker A:And I sat in that arena for 13 hours.
Speaker A:And I was sitting with my kids at the time because it was the day before they competed.
Speaker A:And Orange went on and they were like, amazing.
Speaker A:They were so good.
Speaker A:And I was like, hey, guys.
Speaker A:And I'm like, one day I'm gonna work with a team.
Speaker A:I'm gonna work with that team.
Speaker A:I'm gonna work with a team like that.
Speaker A:That's the kind of team I'm gonna work with.
Speaker A:And then fast forward to, what was it four years ago when I got called in to work with Orange.
Speaker A:Basically they were at their wits end.
Speaker A:The coach didn't know what to do.
Speaker A:I was still working with the entire organization in the gym with other teams.
Speaker A:And finally the coach was like, I don't know what to do with them.
Speaker A:You have a shot.
Speaker A:Go ahead, give it your best try.
Speaker A:And so.
Speaker A:So I was like, cool.
Speaker A:So I literally flew to Atlanta and I worked with the team and we had a one hour powwow without the coaches.
Speaker A:And that's when I kind of delivered that UFW message.
Speaker A:And I actually shared.
Speaker A:I actually shared with them.
Speaker A:I said, I just want you guys all to know that right now, because of your unfortunate situation and what's been.
Speaker A:What's been happening, I am now living out my dream.
Speaker B:Wow.
Speaker A:How cool is that?
Speaker A:Like, I prayed for this moment to happen.
Speaker A:And while you guys are in the.
Speaker A:I'm on cloud nine right now because I.
Speaker A:Because I have the opportunity and to help change you.
Speaker B:And they will share that.
Speaker A:They were like, wow.
Speaker A:And I said, so why don't we all just go kick ass and take names and Dang.
Speaker A:Shift it around.
Speaker A:And it was really.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:With that context, I'd almost want to do it for you.
Speaker B:It's like, I'm good in your honor.
Speaker B:Like, I'm gonna let you down.
Speaker B:This is her dream.
Speaker B:Don't it up.
Speaker A:It was so.
Speaker A:So sometimes that's how.
Speaker A:That's how it works.
Speaker A:You know what I mean?
Speaker A:Like, it.
Speaker A:You just don't.
Speaker A:You don't know what you don't know.
Speaker A:And like with Keaton Slovis, he played football with my son and he was the leader of the team and the coach was one.
Speaker A:Football coaches are pretty hard demographic to like bust into as a mindset coach who's going to teach them how to meditate in the locker room, like it's a whole different like mindset.
Speaker A:And that coach was all about it.
Speaker A:And I was, on Friday afternoons before game, we were meditating in the locker room with the team and doing, you know, visual guided visualization and meditation with me.
Speaker A:And, and it was really, really cool.
Speaker A:And Keaton was the quarterback then and he.
Speaker A:So I met with the, the captains of the team, of the offense and the defense once a week.
Speaker A:And so we developed a relationship in high school and then it just carried on when he wanted to go, he wanted to go and play at usc.
Speaker A:And so we worked that entire summer.
Speaker A:We mapped out our goals, we set a set of goals, we wrote them down.
Speaker A:And he wanted to be the starting quarterback at USC as a freshman.
Speaker A:And that is not an easy task.
Speaker A:And all the way up to like, and we strategically like planned for it.
Speaker A:Like the coaches invited all the quarterbacks to come over like the year before.
Speaker A:And seven showed up the first day.
Speaker A:And by week three, only two of the quarterbacks were still showing up.
Speaker A:And I'm like, you got to keep showing up, up.
Speaker A:And I'm like, this is your discipline, this is your commitment to what, what you're trying to get to.
Speaker A:And then even the week before he was not the starting quarterback.
Speaker A:But we, I'm like, you still show up like you're the starting quarterback.
Speaker A:You know the whole live into your dream and you already know that it's going to come at some point.
Speaker A:And the game one started, Game one started and he was the backup.
Speaker A:So he went from quarterback number seven to quarterback number two, which was incredible as a freshman because we, you know, there's still a chance for your sophomore year, junior year.
Speaker A:I mean, it's still an amazing opportunity at usc.
Speaker B:Absolutely.
Speaker A:And right before halftime, the starting quarterback blew out his knee.
Speaker B:No way.
Speaker A:And he became, and he became the starting quarterback and then became the hero for the rest of the year.
Speaker A:And if you somewhere you can pull it up in my Instagram, like I have the picture of what we set our, our goals like the summer before.
Speaker A:Like all the way down to his stats.
Speaker A:75 completion rate 3 to 1.
Speaker A:Like we set them all and to a T.
Speaker A:Exactly the same numbers were his ending stats for that year.
Speaker B:That's crazy.
Speaker B:Should have said him higher then.
Speaker A:Put.
Speaker B:Those attentions out there.
Speaker A:Jeez.
Speaker B:Oh my gosh.
Speaker A:So just things like that.
Speaker A:Super.
Speaker B:That's another one of those situations where it's like, I'm sorry that this, this new life ruining situation for you is now letting me live out my dreams.
Speaker A:Yes, Exactly.
Speaker B:Jeez.
Speaker B:Yeah, man.
Speaker B:Sorry for the other guy.
Speaker A:You never know.
Speaker A:You never know what's around the corner, you know what I mean?
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:So that's absolutely insane.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Geez.
Speaker B:And so what do you, what are you planning to do now with moving forward with, with Q life and, and everything you're doing and, and what's your mission?
Speaker B:You said you, you said it was 100,000 people.
Speaker B:You're around 40,000.
Speaker B:Which I, which I feel like, you know, know, who knows what the actual reach is when other people are touching other people.
Speaker B:Which you're touching other people.
Speaker B:You know what I mean?
Speaker B:But.
Speaker B:Yeah, but it's a but.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:So what's, what are you, what are you trying to do now?
Speaker A:You know, my, I think my long term vision is I've recognized the fact that I can't touch enough people just doing one on one.
Speaker A:So I only, I only have 10 one on one clients that I work with per week.
Speaker A:And then I do a lot of teamwork virtually.
Speaker A:And then if I travel, I'm doing it, you know, if I travel then it's day long coaching, full, you know, full coaching, like an entire organization kind of thing.
Speaker A:So like in June I'm going to Florida for a three day coaches training, athlete training, parent training.
Speaker A:So it's like a full three day type of training and Q, it's incorporating some Q life camps and then some intro to some of the younger kids just of mindset.
Speaker A:So it's like a combination of a bunch of things which is super fun.
Speaker A:And it's in St.
Speaker A:Augustine, Florida which that's not, you know, it's a perfect location.
Speaker A:And in May I'm going back to Ohio to do that keynote at the high school.
Speaker A:So that will be super fun.
Speaker A:So I'm really enjoying the hybrid of I have some one on ones.
Speaker A:I'm working with some teams and some coaches and organizations when it comes to changing the whole culture of their, their demographic and then focusing on the keynotes, doing more speaking that then will get my message out via the app.
Speaker A:So then if anybody wants, you know, it's kind of like I have the keynote, the one the teams and coaching and then the one on ones.
Speaker A:And then the app is also a place where, you know, for affordability reasons and for, you know, sense of ease and at your fingertips there'll be a community and then all of my information that has all five pillars with all different information from the five pillars dollars to help with coaches to my beast mode animal and my coming up I have so I, my My app is live, but it's not fully launched because I'm launching it literally in the next couple weeks and when it comes.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:So I'll be asking for anyone who wants to be a part of our legacy membership where I'm doing a six week master your mindset course.
Speaker A:So a six week week and I think I'm only accepting 20 people.
Speaker A:So like the initial 20 people to go through my first course.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:So that'll be super cool.
Speaker B:So, yeah, congratulations on that.
Speaker B:I didn't even know that was coming up.
Speaker A:Oh, that's okay.
Speaker A:Yeah, I'm excited.
Speaker A:I need to like.
Speaker A:It's like one of those things, right, that we just like gotta get it out there.
Speaker A:So it's just been in the works for so long that I'm like ready.
Speaker A:So.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:And then journal, like products like I have my journal and my beast mode animal series, which will also be a set of flashcards similar to, you know, nice so that people can have them, you know, readily available.
Speaker B:That's crazy.
Speaker B:Is this something that you can see yourself doing until.
Speaker B:Until you pass away?
Speaker A:You know, I.
Speaker A:I mean, I don't know who knows what the next evolution will be, but I see in the future potentially I have an intern right now that is getting her master's in sports psychology and she's expressed interest in doing what I do.
Speaker A:So perhaps maybe adding to my team of coaches, like to have coaches that will want to embrace the Q life philosophy and go out and help me impact in the Q life way.
Speaker A:You know, they might not want to start their own business, but they want to be a part of a coaching team that, you know, believes in the whole Q life philosophy.
Speaker A:And I can train them in regards to what that means and how we can all go out, go out and impact others.
Speaker B:So that'd be cool.
Speaker B:I could see you having a certification program as well.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:So ultimately I probably won't be doing like at some point I would want to retire, but with the ability to have everything still be rocking and rolling to carry on my mission for sure.
Speaker B:So my last question, stopping anytime soon.
Speaker A:Just because I love what I do and I get to travel, you know, that's.
Speaker A:That's the beauty of it.
Speaker A:I can travel where I want to go and work where I want to work.
Speaker A:And right now I'm focusing a little bit more locally.
Speaker A:But I just got contacted from a person coach in Auckland, New Zealand that was interested in me coming to organization, so places I've never been.
Speaker A:Of course I would love to.
Speaker B:That's Amazing.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:And so I'm curious, as our.
Speaker B:As our last question here, I'm curious.
Speaker B:You told me a story.
Speaker B:Again, I want to end with a story.
Speaker B:And coupling a story with a tool.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker B:And so you kind of shared your story about.
Speaker B:I don't know if the terminology you used, but it was power.
Speaker B:I use the power circle or the, you know, you talked about the bubble thing.
Speaker A:Oh, yeah.
Speaker B:I want to give it away, but yeah, like if you could share, you know, just like bullet point again, you know, two or three kind of things that you do as.
Speaker B:As far as tools, breath work, visualization, obviously I don't want to say them all myself.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:But a couple bullet points of what you do and then that one example and then we can wrap it up.
Speaker A:Refresh my memory in regards to the story that I shared with you, as.
Speaker B:Far as I want to say, it was like a Disney castle.
Speaker B:And like, like they created their own little.
Speaker A:Yep, they did.
Speaker B:It was.
Speaker B:I.
Speaker B:I loved that story.
Speaker B:So if you could share that story, I think it'd be perfect because there's.
Speaker A:Been so many since then.
Speaker A:So with teams, I like to anchor them in the same energy so that when they go out and do whatever they're going to do, whatever sport it is, is they have the ability to totally all be like anchored together.
Speaker A:So just recently, I was at a high school here in Arizona at Cactus Shadows.
Speaker A:And you typically.
Speaker A:I have a.
Speaker A:I have quite a few and I've been working with Cactus Shadows for a lot for like 10 years.
Speaker A:So they're an ongoing client that I work with every single year.
Speaker A:And so what we do everything from a power circle to a power bubble and we create like this energy bubble and they all put their intentions in it and it's super cool and very creative and very imaginative.
Speaker A:And this year, instead of a bubble, we actually did a magic carpet.
Speaker A:So they got to come up with a magic carpet that they were all going to fly onto stage with.
Speaker A:And so I had them all design their magic carpet.
Speaker A:So what does your magic carpet look like?
Speaker A:What is it going to say?
Speaker A:What kind of emblems are on it?
Speaker A:And it was so cool because the coach was sitting there listening to them all co create.
Speaker A:And that's the beauty of drawing a team together is that I'm just the conduit.
Speaker A:And they are actually doing the creation of.
Speaker A:So they got all excited about their magic carpet.
Speaker A:And their magic carpet.
Speaker A:Their school colors are blue and they use a lot of pink.
Speaker A:And so they wanted it to be iridescent and hot.
Speaker A:Pink and all these things.
Speaker A:They created their magic carpet.
Speaker A:And their magic carpet was like a tapestry, but then also was very shimmery, and it had big blue, like, tassels like, that you would see on a, like, flying magic carpet.
Speaker A:So they described it, like, to a T, exactly how they wanted it.
Speaker A:Their logo is the falcon.
Speaker A:And so they put a falcon in the middle.
Speaker A:And DSB is their saying, which is don't stop believing.
Speaker A:So DSB was like, lined around the magic carpet and the colors were there and how they were going to get their magic carpet it.
Speaker A:And so I forget how they did some sort of clap or some sort of something where they, like, called in the magic carpet.
Speaker A:And then what they all do is they all stand.
Speaker A:They stand around in a circle and they all put their intentions of what they're going to do.
Speaker A:And their intentions are how they want to show up for the weekend, for their weekend of competition.
Speaker A:So they all speak out loud their intentions of how they want to show up for the weekend.
Speaker A:And basically they're throwing them onto the magic carpet.
Speaker A:So they all say them so everyone can know.
Speaker A:Because when you're talking about a team event, right, some people need to be poised and calm, while others need to bring the energy and others need to bring aggression.
Speaker A:So one person could say calm, while another one could say perform, while another one could say high energy.
Speaker A:And understanding that that's the beauty of what creates a team, whether it be a football team and the quarterback needs to be poised and somebody else needs to go smash someone, or a cheerleading team where the flyer needs to be calm and the bases need to be strong and stable, like whatever it is.
Speaker A:So they all listen to this, to the words.
Speaker A:So they all know that for the sake of the team, we need to really embody all of it, not just what we need to do for the sake of the team.
Speaker A:And then they do some sort of cool clap or chant or something.
Speaker A:And then they all jumped on their magic carpet.
Speaker A:And so when.
Speaker A:When they jump on their magic carpet carpet, what they wanted to do was then immediately when they jump on their magic carpet, they play their song, which is Don't Stop Believing by Journey.
Speaker A:Then they all, like, float away doing their don't stop believing dance on their.
Speaker A:On their magic carpet.
Speaker A:Well, while we were doing that, which was super cool, the coach is very creative, and she actually, on her computer, created a visual image of the magic.
Speaker B:Oh, nice.
Speaker A:Through it on her computer.
Speaker A:And.
Speaker A:Oh, my gosh, I think I have.
Speaker A:I have it right here.
Speaker B:Heck, yeah.
Speaker A:So she created their magic Carpet to a little postcard, falcon, and it says Falcia.
Speaker A:So.
Speaker A:And then there's DSP all the way around.
Speaker A:How cute is that?
Speaker A:And so they gave me one, because I went back right before they competed, so they gave me one, but how cute is that?
Speaker A:So, again, it's an anchoring, drawing their energy into all of the things.
Speaker A:Things which.
Speaker A:I think I told you a different story, but I had done that after I talked to you.
Speaker B:But that's cool, though.
Speaker B:Like, that's.
Speaker B:That's perfect that you can have such versatility with an exercise like that, you know, because the story you told me, you know, just for me to tell my own rendition, I guess, of.
Speaker B:Of what I remember is, you know, like they were in a hotel room all together, and you're like, Zoom calling them.
Speaker B:And so it's like, again, versatility to be able to do that remote and then have them create a sort of bubble around themselves, you know, and then filling that bubble with the things that they really want to embody as a team and then creating a sort of activation, you know, of that.
Speaker B:Of that environment.
Speaker B:So it's like, you know, whether it's like, a person individually creating inner peace for themselves, you know, or that larger bubble around themselves, just the ability to create an environment that you want to perform in amidst no matter what's going on around you.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker B:Because it's like, I can't watch the actual environment.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker A:It was the Disney castle and their.
Speaker A:Now I remember.
Speaker A:And their.
Speaker A:Their mascot is a hawk, so not a falcon is a hawk.
Speaker A:And so the hawk was circling.
Speaker A:The hawk was circling.
Speaker A:Their magic.
Speaker A:Their magic kingdom, castle, bubble, like, protecting them.
Speaker A:How cool is that?
Speaker A:Like, I love when they come up with their own stuff, and, like, I'm like, wow, I would have never thought of that.
Speaker A:So I love being just like a facilitator and then watching them bring the stuff to life and then just live it, and they get so excited about.
Speaker B:It, and they can completely create, you know, who it is you want to be as a team and then find a way to really step into it.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker B:Like, that's.
Speaker B:That's crazy.
Speaker A:It's super powerful, super fun.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:I love what you're.
Speaker B:I love what you're doing.
Speaker B:So, again, is there anything else that you.
Speaker B:That you'd like to share?
Speaker B:Anything else you feel like is really important for people to.
Speaker B:To know that they're out there grinding, working really hard, and.
Speaker B:And, you know, feel like, is it worth it?
Speaker A:I just think, you know, in regards to, like, Q Life, like, we all have the ability to, like, define our own cue, and everyone's cue is different.
Speaker A:My quality life is different than your quality life.
Speaker A:Yet I'm sure there's some things that overlap, but, like, everyone has the ability to divine their own quality life, and then you get to go live it it.
Speaker A:And even if you're in that inner.
Speaker A:Inner stepping stone area of your life, you can still take those micro moments to just live your cue life, even if it's just a minute, a weekend, a day.
Speaker A:You know, like you said, you take Friday.
Speaker A:You try to take Friday so that you can just be you.
Speaker A:Like, that is so powerful when we can take those minutes.
Speaker A:Like, I take Wednesdays off.
Speaker A:I haven't.
Speaker A:I've been so excited about some.
Speaker A:My new app and stuff, so I haven't.
Speaker A:But all of last year, I took Wednesdays off as a reset for the middle of the week, so I could be super productive.
Speaker A:On Monday and Tuesday, I'd literally go to the river with my dog, ground myself in nature, just have kind of a reset day.
Speaker A:And it was a day to do whatever I wanted.
Speaker A:If I wanted to work, great.
Speaker A:If not, no big deal.
Speaker A:But I was always going to the river.
Speaker A:And then Thursday, Friday, I was even.
Speaker A:So I was doubly productive by only working four days.
Speaker A:And my coach and my coach challenged me to do that because that's Jen's Q life.
Speaker A:Like, my.
Speaker A:My.
Speaker A:My motto is no longer work my ass to the ground and, like, be dead and not.
Speaker A:Not enjoy it.
Speaker A:I'm all about working smarter, not harder, and, like, truly living my cute life.
Speaker A:Travel whenever I want, go wherever I want.
Speaker A:Gonna spend the summer in Denver.
Speaker A:Still gonna be able to work from.
Speaker A:From there.
Speaker A:Like, I'm.
Speaker A:I'm living my Q life, so I love it.
Speaker B:And I love that, that we know we can end on that too, because again, like you said with athletes and as well as with entrepreneurs, it's like, go, go, go, go.
Speaker B:Everything's structured all the time.
Speaker B:Like, all these objectives to meet, and it's chaos.
Speaker B:And it's like, for you to just be able to find even those micro moments to really, like, let go to really, like, you know, find yourself again in that is.
Speaker B:Is extremely, extremely powerful.
Speaker B:And it's almost like the paradox of, like, go to.
Speaker B:Go slow.
Speaker B:To go fast.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker B:Slow is smooth, and smooth is fast.
Speaker A:Get there fast by going slow.
Speaker B:Yes, exactly.
Speaker B:Exactly.
Speaker B:I love that.
Speaker A:That's in one of my beast mode animals.
Speaker A:So somewhere get there fast by going slow.
Speaker B:So, okay, so where can the audience find you?
Speaker B:And some of your stuff.
Speaker B:Definitely tell them the name of your app again and any place that they can find you.
Speaker A:The app is simply Q.
Speaker A:Jen Graph is Q Life.
Speaker A:Almost all of my socials are gen.
Speaker A:Graph is top Q Life.
Speaker A:So that's J, E, N, G, R A, F, F, I, C E Q Life.
Speaker A:And my website is w www.jen graphics.com.
Speaker B:Heck yeah.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Well, thank you again and join her office.
Speaker B:I know, right?
Speaker B:Yeah, it's crazy.
Speaker B:She got a six week program coming up, so.
Speaker B:Definitely.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Check that out for that on the app.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker B:I'm excited for you.
Speaker A:Thank you.
Speaker B:Thanks.
Speaker B:And oh, thanks for being here, honestly.
Speaker B:And I wish we could do it in person.
Speaker B:And so everybody knows it's like the Jen's actually here.
Speaker B:We met in person.
Speaker B:I'm not at the stage to have a real life studio yet.
Speaker B:So it's.
Speaker B:This is, this is nice.
Speaker A:It is.
Speaker B:But.
Speaker B:But yeah, we'll get to that point eventually.
Speaker B:So it's been, it's been great.
Speaker B:And thank you for showing up here.
Speaker A:Absolutely.
Speaker B:And giving your all.
Speaker B:And again, yeah, I wish you nothing but the best with what you're doing and I'm actually excited to kind of follow along and see where this takes you and maybe even, you know, collabor as well.
Speaker A:I would love to do that.
Speaker A:Yes, you too.
Speaker A:Keep doing what you're doing.
Speaker A:You're on a great path.
Speaker B:Thank you very much.
Speaker B:Thanks for being here again, Jen.
Speaker B:And thanks for everybody for watching.
Speaker A:Absolutely.
Speaker A:Thank you.
Speaker A:Bye.
